Your BFF just brought a human being into the world. That’s right — she just spent three-quarters of a day (or more!) pushing out a baby or having a C-section, which is major surgery. Now that the little one has arrived, you’re ready to host your BFF and her new baby. Before you open your mouth and say something to her that causes a sudden look of sadness or (even worse) a storm of postpartum rage, check out what you should NOT say to the mom of a newborn.
1. Is the baby sleeping through the night? Most likely, the baby is not sleeping through the night. A new mama’s response will probably be somewhere between, “That won’t happen for a while” and, “Are you out of your mind, crazy?!” Mom is tired. Oh so tired. She doesn’t need someone else reminding her that there’s no hope for a good night of sleep in the near future.
2. Don’t worry, you’ll lose the baby weight. Oh, come on. She just had a baby. There’s no way she’s already on track to shed those pounds. Okay, so maybe she’s already thinking about how to take it off. But right now she needs to focus on taking care of baby — and herself. Your new mama friend doesn’t need her extra pounds pointed out.
3. It all goes by so quickly. So, this one is completely true. It does go by way too quickly. She’ll blink and her newborn will suddenly be heading off to college. But she’s taking things one day at a time with her newborn. She’s pushing through the cry for hours, change poopy diaper after poopy diaper, get no sleep phase. The mom of a newborn doesn’t need to worry about what she’ll miss when she’s currently working through a really tough few months. She’ll have plenty of time to enjoy baby after she gets the hang of this whole mom thing.
4. When are you going back to work? This topic can go one of the two ways. Maybe mama is perfectly happy at home and is dreading going back to work. The very thought of spending every day away from her brand new little one will send her into tears — right in front of you. Or it’s possible that the new mommy is missing her job. Even though she’s thrilled to be with her baby right now, she kind of longs for some actual adult time. Your question might make her sudden transition from professional to diaper changer stand out even more than it already does. Stay away from asking questions. She’ll bring it up if she wants your advice.
5. Did you know it costs somewhere around $233,610 to raise a child? Yes. Yes, she does. She’s a new mom. Which means she’s probably read tons of articles about raising a baby (including the latest USDA report on expenditures on children). Even if she hasn’t really read the report, between furnishing the nursery and stocking the changing table with diapers and wipes, she’s already gotten a primer on what the (very high) costs will be.
6. Do you want a drink? Well, yes. Absolutely. Mama’s tired, cranky, and would seriously say yes to a tall glass of Pinot. But that doesn’t mean she’ll have one. She’s spent nine months going without, and now she’s nursing. Sure, she can pump and dump. That doesn’t mean she’ll be comfortable doing it right away. Instead of playing the role of temptress, let the new mom do the asking.
7. Did it hurt? This is (obviously) in reference to childbirth. Come on, you know the answer. If you squeezed something that’s roughly the size of a small watermelon out of you, it would hurt. It’s no surprise that labor and delivery hurt — a lot. Your new mom BFF wants to focus on her adorable little baby, not the painful way she got here.
What question, comment, or conversation topic do you think should be off limits when talking to a new mom? Tweet us @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)