Sometimes you just can’t put your finger on it — some people just light your fire in a way you’d never expect. But love’s elusive unpredictability also has its counterpart: Certain statistics, such as age difference and length of the relationship, have their place in relationship success. Author and relationship expert Ty Tashiro believes that the very personality traits that contribute to intangible infatuation can also be a very tangible predictor of how healthy your relationship will be.
Ty acknowledges that sometimes fate just takes the reins and runs its course. However, studies show that personality traits are pretty stable across the human lifespan — which means, according to Ty, “picking a partner with great traits will give you access to those traits for the rest of your life.” Scroll on for seven traits that might just predict the success of your relationship!
7 Traits That Can Predict Your Relationship Success
1. Contempt: Contempt in a relationship is derived from being demanding. If your partner demands a lot of you, you most likely won’t be able to cater to all of those needs. The tension created in these situations almost always spells disaster for those involved.
2. Withdrawal: Withdrawal is the opposite of demand. Usually one partner demands something — say, that the couple move to accommodate a new job — and the other feels hopeless in the face of demands and withdraws completely. This situation generally repeats itself until the couple comes to terms with the realities of the relationship.
3. Emotional Stability: There’s hope yet! While contempt and withdrawal are negative traits to be on the lookout for, emotional stability, says Ty, is arguably the number one predictor of relationship success. “If I had to pick a partner based on personality traits in a draft, my first-round pick would be emotional stability,” he says.
4. Kindness: Don’t let the nice guys (or girls) finish last. While kindness is a top-three sought-after trait for women, Ty believes that people “don’t give it the priority that they should. Kind people don’t do relationships as ‘zero sum’ — they believe and trust that things will work out in the long run.” And because of that quality, they usually do.
5. Social Dominance: Let’s face it: Social dominance is sexy. People who are socially dominant are generally high-performing and have higher levels of leadership attainment. However, Ty argues that this primitive human trait isn’t necessary anymore. “Like wisdom teeth,” Tashiro says, “social dominance doesn’t do us any good and hurts us in the end.”
6. Novelty Seeking: Novelty seekers are sexy. They’re the people whose Instagram feeds are ablaze with new destinations, experiences and friends. And while novelty-seeking is by no means a bad thing, too much of it can cause someone to become easily bored with a relationship.
7. Self-Awareness: These traits are null without any awareness. If someone has negative traits (which we all do), being aware of them is key to helping a romantic partner adapt and respond to their effects.
While these traits are correlated to relationship success, Ty reminds us that the best measuring stick when evaluating our partner is our own gut. “We as humans are pretty good natural psychologists,” he says. “Perhaps better than anyone, we can predict and read these traits, especially in someone we’re smitten by.”
Know of any traits that you think are key to success? Tweet us @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)