We know that your BFF’s relationship with your S.O. is really important, but what happens when your number one gal pal introduces you to the new guy in her life and — as much as you try — you just can’t seem to get along? Your options seem pretty limited: Tell your bestie you’re not into this new guy and risk a tragic friend breakup… or hold back and hope that she sees what you’re seeing. It’s a tight rope to walk, which is why we brought in Nicole Zangara, licensed clinical social worker and author of Surviving Female Friendships: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly to give us her tips on navigating these rocky waters.
1. Length of relationship matters. First things first, how long your bestie and her boo have been dating can definitely dictate how much room you have for commentary. Nicole says, “If it’s in the early stages, then you’re okay to say something to your friend, but be very cautious with how you word it. Maybe he doesn’t treat your friend nicely or he seems like a flake. If it’s in the early stages, you have more of a right to point it out than if she’s been dating this guy for years.”
2. Get real with yourself. Sometimes you gotta ask yourself the hard questions and get really real. Start with asking yourself, “Why don’t I like this guy?” The answer might surprise you, notes Nicole. “Maybe you need to spend some time with him. Even if you’re not thrilled about it, some one-on-one time to connect with him may allow you to see another side to the guy.
3. Take a step back. This is your best friend we’re talking about. You have a vested interest, which means you also might have blinders on. Nicole suggests trying to see or at least understand what your best friend likes about this guy. “Does he make her happy? Does he respect her and truly love her? If you can see past your dislike and acknowledge how he makes your best friend happy, that may help lessen your feelings towards him,” Nicole says.
4. Don’t ignore it. Let’s be real for a second: Your bestie could marry this guy. And then what? According to Nicole, “If the friendship is that important to you, find a way to say something to your best friend about it. On the flip side, be ready for how she reacts — positively or negatively. Gain some perspective by putting yourself in her shoes and asking yourself how you would feel in the same situation.”
5. Put your big girl pants on. News flash: You might just have to deal with the guy. Whether your bestie takes it to the altar with him or it fizzles out after a few months, it’s not your relationship to manage. The only thing you can manage are your feelings. Nicole notes, “You don’t have to hang out with him all of the time. Tell your friend you want more girl time, and that way, you’re not having to see him as much. When you are in the same room as him, act cordial, be nice and get on with your night.”
Have you had to deal with a not-so-great bestie boyfriend? Tweet us the details at @BritandCo!
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