You’ve got the dream job (well, almost), the grown-up apartment, and — most importantly — the ultimate girl gang by your side. Since you know the way that a BFF should be treated, you probably have pretty high standards for the people you surround yourself with. One of the best things about a best friend is that they come through for you no matter what, which is why flaky people can be so frustrating. Kali Rogers, founder of Blush online coaching, has shared with us three warning signs that a friend is potentially less than dependable.
1. They won’t ever give a solid commitment. “Flakes have learned the hard way not to give an actual verbal or formal commitment,” Rogers tells us. “They’ve been burned in the past by being held to their word, so they’ve mastered the art of the vague response.” These types of responses probably feel pretty normal in the moment (stuff like “I’ll check the calendar” or, “I’ll see if I can make it”) — but if you think about it, they imply a “yes” without actually making a hard-and-fast commitment.
2. They will go radio silent leading up to the event. If someone is truly a flake, they by definition will flake out on events at the last minute. Rogers says that a way to spot this habit in advance of said event is to see whether the person responds to your communication leading up to it. If they don’t respond, it’s probably because getting into a conversation with you puts pressure on them to actually attend. The real telltale, Rogers says, is their response after. “Once they do respond, they’ll take a while to get back to you out of guilt and shame,” she explains.
3. They won’t be transparent about ANY plans. “Flakes don’t show their cards,” Rogers shares. “Ask a flake what they are up to this weekend, and you’ll probably get a cryptic answer.” This is because not having plans opens the person up to potential hangouts; having plans (or at least admitting that they do) makes it much harder to ditch out last second.
While these may be signs of a flaky friend, the best way to address concerns in any relationship is direct communication. Your friend may have other things going on in their life that cause them to be less capable of committing to plans, so talk it out before making any quick judgments. After all, friendships are essential to health and happiness!
How do you handle a friend who just won’t come through? Tweet us your advice @BritandCo!
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