Kourtney’s ex has become the broken record that might set the whole turntable on fire, and us Kardashian diehards have no time for it. We’re too busy holing up in our bedrooms feverishly working through conspiracy theories about Kylie hating Christmas, Kim only wearing white on her birthday, and literally every woman in this family being pregnant. Scott needs to leave all of these women alone until at least Season 28.

This week’s Scott drama unfolds over Kourtney’s plans with new BFF sis Kendall to go to Cannes. Kourtney tries to keep it secret from Scott but he finds out and tells her that he’ll be there. Scott is stopping at nothing to get fully back in Kourtney’s life, having said he’s sold his house and wants to move in with Kourtney and have an open relationship. SCOTT. What creepy How to Win Back Your Ex book have you been listening to on Audible?

It gets much worse when Scott finds out that Kourtney will be going to Cannes with new “friend” Younes. Kourtney tells Khloé that Scott has threatened to beat Younes up every day that he’s in Cannes and that the two of them need to watch their backs. Of course, he also makes sure that Kourtney knows that she’s the love of his life, so that clearly must count for something in the everlasting love department. Khloé, gunning for continued MVP status, tries to contact Scott to handle the situation, but he’s suspiciously unavailable after texting threats. In confessional, Scott cops a little bit to his bad behavior but says he just got defensive because Kourtney was condescending to him. Sure, Scott. Totally normal reaction to condescension. Good job, bud.

If the drama of being a Kardashian wasn’t enough for you, this week’s episode takes a politically charged detour to Planned Parenthood where Kim, Kourtney, and Khloé essentially film a PSA for the embattled organization. The sisters learn all about the amazing work Planned Parenthood does with women’s health care, with firsthand accounts of the way the organization has saved women moving the Kardashians to support Planned Parenthood. Sure, the idea that it takes an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians to put you on the right side of women’s rights is a little wonky, but that Kardashian influence is considerable, so spread the good word, ladies!

Kourtney goes to Cannes ready to live her life without any regard for Scott’s gross behavior, but, of course, Scott won’t let that happen, resorting to passive-aggressive paparazzi tactics to, I don’t know, get back the mother of his children so they can live happily ever after? He very publicly arrives at Cannes with Bella Thorne for multiple photo ops so the whole family knows. Kendall and Kim, in particular, are grossed out by his desperation, but, you know what, who cares? Kourtney has come to Cannes to party it up with a younger male model and live openly as a strong, liberated sexual woman. She’s gunning for MVP this season and she just might get it, y’all.

Who’s your frontrunner for KUWTK MVP? Tell us @BritandCo.

(Photos via E! + Getty)