Have you ever read a Lululemon bag? I have. It says that salt and butter equal early death, when in fact, I might die of heartbreak if I nixed them from my diet. But some of Lululemon’s manifestos are more actionable, so with February more than halfway over still not a single resolution made, I decided to try a few for a week. Scroll on to see how it went!

Monday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-1

No, Lululemon, you listen to me: Use commas, please. But seriously, sometimes when people are talking to me I either a) worry that I don’t look like I’m paying attention, or b) am actually not paying attention because I’m thinking about how to respond. So the next time a friend vents to me about a stressful situation, I focus on seeing it from her perspective, rather than judging her from mine. And instead of worrying about how to solve her problem, I focus on trying to make her feel understood. I can’t stop the flood of thoughts about all the things I want to say, but I can keep redirecting my attention back to her and out of my own head. It’s kind of like meditating, but with “mm-hmm” instead of “om.”

Tuesday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-2

I’m not sure what stale water is, so I assume that what comes out of my tap constitutes fresh. I drink six small Klean Kanteens (that’s 108 ounces), plus a thermos of coffee rather than as much as I can, because your blood can actually become dangerously diluted if you drink too much water. If you’re wondering how much you should drink, the answer is a frustrating “it depends…” on how much you weigh and exercise, mostly. The gauge I go by? My pee looks like lemonade rather than hard cider. I wish I could say I ate less or that my skin was glowing, but really, I just took a lot of bathroom breaks.

Wednesday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-3

I imagine outlandish scenarios way too often: dropping a heavy dumbbell on my face during chest presses, being mauled by the coyotes that live in the cemetery by my house, getting locked in a sauna, etc. For some reason, the best-case scenario — dying of natural causes, painlessly, surrounded by my loved ones — makes me way more freaked out. But it also helps me start seeing things in a new light. I try a combo of doing more of whatever brings me joy, and finding the joy in the stuff I can’t avoid (work, cleaning and now thoughts of my eventual demise), so that when I’m on my deathbed, I don’t regret spending my life waiting for the fun to start.

Thursday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-4

Which is what, exactly? According to the National Institutes of Health, some experts advise spending 30 minutes in the sun between 10am and 3pm at least twice a week for sufficient vitamin D synthesis. Too bad I live in Portland, Oregon, where it’s been raining almost every day for over a month. This one will have to wait for spring.

Friday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-5

“Things can and will work out” was my motto for a long time. I stole it from an anxiety and phobia workbook, which should tell you something about my propensity to focus on the negative. I fall back on it when my husband’s truck disappears. And it’s true: It turns out it was towed for blocking someone’s driveway, not stolen. I don’t believe that thinking good thoughts makes good things happen, but I am convinced that most molehills don’t become mountains, and that even the mountains are scalable.

Saturday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-7

Instead of listening to NPR as I make dinner, like I usually do, I sing along to ’90s R+B. Blackstreet and Destiny’s Child make chopping broccoli seem more fun, and they’re easy to dance to. And I already floss every night. And let’s be real: I’m not going to embark on a long journey without considerable advance planning. However, in the next few months, I’m headed to New York City, Macau and a working ranch in Northern California. Studies show that anticipating a vacation boosts your mood, so I add all three destinations to the Weather Channel app on my iPhone and start fantasizing about what it’ll feel like to be in snow and sunshine — anything but rain.

Sunday

Lululemon-Bag-Sayings-6

Maybe it’s because I left out some of the more inane ones, but I think there’s something for everyone on the Lululemon bag (unlike the clothing, which goes up to only a very small size 12). See for yourself here — just promise you won’t pick the one about having children without putting a lot of thought into it first.

What’s your favorite phrase on the Lululemon bag? Tweet us @BritandCo and let us know!