We love Halloween. Actually, it might be more of an obsession. The parties, the costumes, the candy — oh, the candy. We say there’s nothing wrong with indulging in an extra trip or two to the office pumpkin bucket this time of year or buying candy corn in bulk to keep your private stash stocked — ’tis the season. But you might encounter some Hallo-grinches (a term we just made up) who feel the need to comment on your candy consumption and go all Debbie Downer on your sugar rush.
What you eat is nobody’s business but yours and your doctor’s. For all that candy-shamer knows, every other day of the year you’re chugging kale smoothies and eating lean proteins. (Even if you’re not — they’re still being rude.) So if you find yourself in the path of some “Wow, you must have quite the sweet tooth” shade, here are some snappy comebacks you could clap back with (even if it’s just in your own head).
Because if they can’t get down with your treat, it’s only right that you give them some trick.
1. “Girls just wanna have fun-size.”
2. “I had Skittles already, so I need some M&Ms for a fully balanced breakfast.”
3. “I’m helping prevent other people getting diabetes.”
4. “I wasn’t going to eat this candy corn, I was going to stick pieces of it on my canine teeth to make candy vampire fangs. Unless you don’t want me going into the client meeting like that.”
5. “My costume is ‘Person Who Really Likes Candy,’ And I’m very method about it. I’m like the DeNiro of trick-or-treating.”
6. “You don’t know my life. Maybe I’m moonlighting as the ‘before’ in dental exam photos.”
7. “I have full custody of these Sour Patch Kids, and it’s none of your business how I parent them.”
8. “Wait — you’re projecting your food insecurities onto my eating habits? Does that mean…. whoa… are you my mom?”
9. “Boooo. Booooooooooo. That’s the ghost of the last care I had about your opinions. Spooky, right?”
10. “Oh wow, I didn’t realize you also had a degree in dietary nutrition. That must be why you think you have any authority to comment on my food choices. Let’s hear some more of your expert knowledge!”
What’s your go-to response when someone’s being judgmental about what you eat? Tweet us your tips (polite or snarky) @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)