How well do you get on with your co-workers? The answer probably depends on which co-worker you are thinking of.
For most of us, there are people we get on really well with and others that… well, we just can’t seem to connect with them. There may even be some people who seem to be intentionally obstructive, or who seem to deliberately misunderstand what you say. Of course, that might be true; you might be unlucky enough to have a genuinely disruptive person in your work team. However, it’s much more likely that this individual just has a different approach to life and that without meaning to, you both rub each other up the wrong way. In fact, they might think you are being intentionally obstructive, or deliberately misunderstanding what they say.
Often, the key to forging a most positive relationship is to understand something about their personality, and how they genuinely differ from you. Using the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) framework is a good way to do this. We've already explored how to design an ideal workspace using MBTI, and what some of your personal growth goals for 2023 should be — but here's how to use Myers-Briggs at work to unlock new work besties and avoid office drama.
How the MBTI Works
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The MBTI assessment measures whether you prefer to:
- Focus on your external environment (Extraversion) or your internal world (Introversion)
- Use information that is practical and based on the evidence of your senses (Sensing) or that takes in possibilities and ideas (Intuition)
- Make decisions on the basis of objective logic (Thinking) or on how people will be affected and how this relates to your values (Feeling)
- Live in an organized, structured, planned way (Judging) or in a more spontaneous, emergent way (Perceiving).
So, any one person has preferences for either Extraversion or Introversion, for either Sensing or Intuition, for either Thinking or Feeling, and for either Judging or Perceiving. The dynamic combination of these four preferences gives a rich, nuanced picture of your personality. But even looking at the preferences one by one can give you a head start on building a better relationship with a co-worker.
Of course, this isn’t a substitute for them completing the MBTI assessment, and we should never label our co-workers or assume that we know them better than they know themselves. But making some tentative hypotheses about their likely personality type can help us to approach them in ways that will make for a more harmonious and more productive relationship.
A good place to start is with the Thinking-Feeling and Judging-Perceiving preferences, as misunderstandings here can often cause conflict in the workplace.
Thinking or Feeling?
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Ask yourself these questions about your co-worker:
- Would you be more likely to describe them as ‘tough-minded but reasonable’ or as ‘tender-hearted and compassionate’?
- Are they more likely to take a critical approach and comment on what’s wrong with a piece of work (maybe as a way to improve things), or to offer praise and talk about what you did well (but maybe overlook any flaws)?
- In the workplace, do they talk more about the work they are doing, issues and solutions, or about relationships and what’s happening with the people involved with a project?
- When someone else has a problem, do they offer practical solutions or a shoulder to cry on?
If you chose the first option in each question, then maybe they have a personality preference for Thinking. Try these tips:
- Start off work conversations by talking about the task at hand and its wider logical implications. The people stuff can come along later.
- Offer them recognition and reward for what they have done, rather than for the effort they have put in. Offer recognition at the end of a project or task, or when they have done an especially good job.
- Need help? Turn to them when you need a problem solved, rather than when you need sympathy and emotional support.
If you chose the second option for each question, then maybe they have a personality preference for Feeling. Try these tips:
- Start off conversations by asking them how things are with them, and maybe about their family. Be prepared to talk about people issues first. The task-related stuff can and will come along later.
- Offer them appreciation for their personal contribution and the effort they have put into their work, and for the difference they have made to people. Do this throughout, not just at the end of a project.
- Need help? Turn to them when you need sympathy and support, rather than when you need a logical solution to a problem.
Judging or Perceiving?
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Ask yourself these questions about your co-worker:
- Do they seem more organized and methodical, or more flexible and spontaneous?
- Do they like to have things decided well in advance, or are they open to changing things at the last minute?
- Do they need to finish their work before they can relax and socialize, or do they seem to mix work and play together?
- Do they get irritated or stressed when others don’t finish a project until just before the deadline, or do they tend to leave things till the last minute themselves?
If you chose the first option in each question, then maybe they have a personality preference for Judging. Try these tips:
- Respect their boundaries, letting them keep work and non-work separate.
- If they need something from you for them to complete their work, try to do this in plenty of time – even if you leave your own tasks till the last minute.
- Have clear and convincing reasons for changing any plans, especially late in a project.
If you chose the second option in each question, then maybe they have a personality preference for Perceiving. Try these tips:
- Remember that you don’t always have to complete every single task before you relax and have fun – try things their way occasionally.
- If you need something from them to complete your work, set a realistic deadline and communicate this clearly. Don’t set a deadline that is too early for you to justify.
- Be prepared to change and adapt a plan, even at the last minute, if your co-worker has a convincing reason for doing so.
Whatever your co-worker’s personality type, it will help the relationship if you can meet them on their terms – or at least, not entirely on yours.
