How to Tackle the Topic of Privilege to Be a Better Ally in 2019

Be the Change looks at real life projects and inspiration to make the world better.

Talking about privilege — whether it’s based in gender, ethnicity, class, or any other locus of power — is never easy. Feeling like you’ve worked hard to get where you are and being told that you’re there (partly) because you’re straight, or cisgender, or some other thing you had no control over, can be difficult to hear. Things can get especially awkward when the conversation turns to race. People have been known to squirm, get defensive, or burst into tears.

White fragility is a thing, and it’s important to be aware of it, because it’s exasperating (and exhausting) for people of color to have to manage our distress. Instead, it’s on white people to be aware and open to listening to constructive criticism. The work is ours to do (or at the very least, share in).

Here’s how to start:

1. Acknowledge your privilege.

Accept that, yes, as individuals, we’ve all gone through tough times, but those same tough times are made tougher still when whatever difficulty you’re dealing with is compounded by racism.

2. Don’t play the savior card.

Check out online groups like No White Saviors, an Instagram account that does a lot of the work in explaining why something like voluntourism in Africa (which on the surface might seem like a good thing) can actually be quite problematic. Imagine someone from halfway across the globe coming into your neighborhood, pointing out the flaws, and dictating the fix — all on their first and possibly only brief visit.

2. Make sure your feminism is intersectional.

Feminism misses the point when it’s only about (and dominated by) the scope of inequality faced by white women. Feminism needs to include women of color, LGBTQ+ women, and women of other marginalized identities. Basically, if you identify as a woman, you’re in. No exceptions.

3. Do your research, know your history.

There is no shortage of resources on the internet — which means there’s no excuse not to get informed. From Facebook communities like The Start to online (and IRL) lectures from speakers like Rachel Cargle to good ol’ books,there are so many ways to learn about and embrace a current or historical viewpoint other than your own.

4. Ask a POC — but only after you do the research.

Emotional and intellectual labor shouldn’t be dumped on people of color, so do your reading first. However, if you do find yourself mired in confusion, resources like Instagram’s Ask a POC offers a “safe space” opportunity for non-POCs to ask a race-related question in exchange for a small donation to a charitable cause. The Start (mentioned above) is another great place to have a conversation about an issue you want to get clear on. The page, says the admin team, is “a space for white women to better understand the role we play in perpetuating and contributing to systemic racism. We achieve this through holding each other accountable to learning, challenging ourselves, and expanding the conversations we have online into our families and communities.”

5. Listen.

Set aside the inclination to be defensive and just listen with an open mind. It’s probably the most important thing you can do if you want to become a better ally.

6. Don’t feel guilty; do better.

Guilt can be paralyzing, and there’s nothing productive about that. Call out racial inequality when you see it — especially among the people closest to you. Share what you’ve learned with them and encourage them to reciprocate. The emotions that rise to the surface during these discussions aren’t warm and fuzzy ones, but confronting them is literally the only way to begin to change them.

What are you doing to Be The Change in 2019? Let’s talk about it on Twitter.

(Images via freestocks.org/Unsplash)

Sexis often considered taboo...even though it's a natural human need and desire. But — thanks in part to the entertainment industry — it's slowly becoming normalized in the many different shapes and sizes it comes. From quickies in random places to passionate lovemaking, the actors in shows like Bridgerton and Sex and the City show us the sides of sex we're remiss to talk about. And while Phoebe Dynevor is no stranger to a sex scene (literally HOW did she get through filming with Regé Jean?!), she took this "taboo" subject matter to another level in the opening scenes for her new movie Fair Play.

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

Emily (Phoebe Dynevor) is seen getting busy with her fiancé Luke (Alden Ehrenreich) at a wedding. While that's not necessarily gag-worthy, there's one determining factor that could be — she's on her period. Not only that, but there's oral sex involved that Luke happily engages in. It's a highly erotic and graphic scene that has the potential to leave viewers reeling, but Emily and Luke aren't grossed out by what they're doing. They're too caught up in bliss to think there's something wrong about being pleasured during one's period.

I'll be honest — younger me would have immediately ran for the heels at this description because...ew. I'm not personally comfortable with the oral aspect of the scene, but I'm familiar with putting down a towel during period sex. It's all about preference, and no matter where you stand on the period sex issue, it's nice to have a partner that doesn't treat you like a walking science experiment during your period.

What did Phoebe Dynevor say about filming the sex scene in "Fair Play"?

She's actually happy the scene was filmed, and thinks director Chloe Domont did an excellent job showing that sex doesn't have to be skipped the week of someone's period. She told Ellethat male directors would've questioned the necessity of it. "We as women know these things happen all the time, but why are we not seeing it on our screens," she asked.

When does the period sex scene appear in "Fair Play"?

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

Trigger warning — this sex scene appears at the very beginning of Fair Play. Talk about starting off with a bang!

What is the plot of "Fair Play?"

Fair Play centers around the work culture of a hedge fund company that begins to take a toll on a couple. In a deeper plot analysis, Ellereports that Dynevor's character Emily has a secret engagement to her coworker, but "she gets a surprise promotion, which causes issues in their relationship outside of work." It takes a deep dive into the gender norms that can begin to stifle a relationship if both people have different views of how things are supposed to fall in place in and outside of the home.

What else has Dynevor said about "Fair Play"?

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

She pointed out that it's an excellent marker for how far society has to go in terms of respecting women. She also told Elle, "We have this idea that world is so progressive...but there's still so much progress to be made and so many things that haven't been done or still taboo." To drive this point further home, Dynevor said, "The thing that was really interesting to me is how modern feminism is clashing with traditional masculinity...Emily is really trying to make herself small to make him [Luke] feel masculine."

This is true because we're seeing the effects of attacks on reproductive and maternal health. Not only that, but there's still an expectation for how women are supposed to carry themselves whether they're mothers or not. As far as we've come, the work to fully recognize that women aren't monolithic and deserve to have our voices, time, and efforts respected is ongoing. That we shouldn't have to shrink so that men don't feel threatened or emasculated. That us asking to be appreciated and respected has nothing to do with attacking men's self esteem.

Until we get to that point, films like Fair Play will continue to exist to push the conversation forward.

When can you watch "Fair Play"?

Fair Play will premiere in theaters September 29, 2023 and will be available to stream on Netflix beginning October 13, 2023.

Watch The Trailer For "Fair Play"

www.youtube.com

FAIR PLAY | Official Trailer | Netflix

What do you think about Phoebe Dynevor's "taboo" sex scene in Fair Play?Let us know in the comments and follow the conversation on Facebook!

Lead image via Kate Green/Getty Images.

There are a number of TV shows in the running for best teen drama. I'm ready to press play on The Summer I Turned Pretty, One Tree Hill, and The Vampire Diaries at any given moment, but there is nothing like watching Friday Night Lights season 1. It might not be as glamorous as Gossip Girl, but that's exactly why it resonates so deeply when you watch it — FNL both highlights and honors viewers' real-world experiences because the characters are SO relatable. Instead of leaving you envious of a fictional life, Friday Night Lights welcomes you into a community you feel like you already know.


Image via NBC

Everyone in the fictional town of Dillon, Texas lives and breathes football, and Friday Night Lights season 1 opens just before the first game of the season. Right off the bat, we're introduced to characters that both evoke emotion and spark our curiosity, and we're told exactly where they are in their lives: new head coach Eric Taylor is struggling to win the town's confidence. Fullback Tim Riggins struggles both with motivation and against confident running back Smash Williams. All-American quarterback Jason Street has dreams of playing in the NFL while timid Matt Saracen takes care of his grandmother during the afternoon and serves as second-string quarterback at night.

Not to mention the fact that when I watched Friday Night Lights for the first time, I was pleasantly surprised by how compelling and multi-dimensional the women are. Tami Taylor has the perfect blend of motherly love and the kind of Southern sass that puts you in your place. Minka Kelly's Lyla Garrity is one of my favorite TV characters of all time because she might be wealthy and popular, but she evades "The Curse of the Brunette" that seems to plague early 2000s leading ladies. Instead of turning into a manipulative mean girl like the high school versions of Blair Waldorf and Brooke Davis, Lyla is just kind. Does she still make insanely bad decisions (like kissing her boyfriend's best friend)? Yes, but aren't bad decisions a right of passage when you're 17?

The show's initial plots and character arcs revolve heavily around football, but the sport really just serves as a funnel for all the off-field drama. The tension between the characters makes their gameplay even more passionate — and when Street gets seriously injured during that first game of the season, the town rallies together in a way that highlights how strong a community can bond in the face of tragedy.

Image via NBC

Life in middle-class America can be tough, but it can also be really, really sweet. While I'm neither from Texas nor have attended the kind of football school Dillon High is, the contrast between the characters' responsibilities and the fun that comes with parties and joining your friends at the local burger joint resonates with me every time I rewatch.

Even the fact the show is named Friday Night Lights emphasizes that contrast because it shows just how much of a spotlight is on these kids, and how much weight is on their shoulders when they're truly just trying to survive their teenage years.

Rather than providing an escape from viewers' realities like Outer Banks does, Friday Night Lights season 1 emphasizes the realities of juggling multiple jobs, school, and family responsibility that a lot of viewers experience too. It allows you to understand the characters in a really personal way — and feel like you're a part of the community too. The world can seem so big and scary (now more than ever), which is why the simplicity of Friday Night Lights totally redefines comfort TV.

What's your standout moment from Friday Night Lights season 1? Check out why Gilmore Girls Season 7 Wasn't Supposed To Be The Final Chapter for even more TV show musings!

Lead image via NBC

You’re sustainable. You use reusable bags for grocery trips and swore off plastic water bottles in favor of saving the earth, but have you ever considered the environmental impact of your period? The tampons or pads that you just used during your last cycle make up one small speck in the nearly 200,000 metric tons of landfill waste derived from period products every year. Yep – it’s an unfathomable number, and it doesn’t even begin to account for the period litter scattered across the world’s beaches *or* the microplastics derived from them (which we have yet to quantify and truly understand their impact).

In a time where our planet really needs it, a lot of us want to practice sustainability, but it’s time to actually mean it. The founders of Sunny Period agree. In response, they developed the Sunny Cup, a first-of-its-kind reusable menstrual cup that inserts like a tampon with the help of a unique applicator.

Cindy Belardo, 26, and Drew Jarvis, 23, might have come up with the Sunny Cup from opposite sides of the country, but both knew they needed to find a solution for traditional menstrual cups that just weren’t meeting their respective needs.

“I had not learned about menstrual cups before, and was so intrigued,” said Belardo. “But, the learning curve was something that was not ideal for me, and I really wanted to make it work. I knew that others would run into the same problem.”

Menstrual cups were downright frustrating to use.

“When I went to try menstrual cups, I was a little bit intimidated, but I was very willing to at least give it a shot. I spent an hour in the bathroom trying to put it in. I was laughing and crying, like “what the hell is this thing?” said Jarvis. “I ultimately realized, there's not really been much innovation with a period cup in years.”

That’s why they’re not only providing better solutions with Sunny, but working toward a more sustainable, more effective, and overall more inclusive approach to periods.

One menstruator will use an average of 9,120 tamponsor pads in their lifetime. More often than not, these single-use products (which are 90% plastic, BTW) end up in landfills, taking anywhere from 500 to 800 years to decompose, though plastic never truly decomposes.

In addition to the raw materials used to make tampons and pads themselves, manufacturing practices suck up energy and water sources, contributing to carbon emissions.

Menstrual cups can be reused for up to a decade with a lot less of an impact on the environment, but a very slim percentage of menstruators are actually using them. The Sunny Cup is reusable for up to a year, replacing an average of 225 tampons that one person can potentially use per year.


“I mean, billions of pads are going into landfills. You're not supposed to flush them, obviously, but people do,” said Jarvis. “After five years of prototyping, research, and development, we finally came up with a design that we feel will help beginner menstrual cup users switch to this really cool, sustainable option that saves you money and saves disposables from going into landfills.”

There’s a bias for tampons and pads because they offer convenience at the tear of a wrapper – but convenience isn't the only factor driving it. Many menstruators simply do not have the luxury of choice when it comes to period products.

This fact became a reality for Belardo in 2018 when she began working with menstruators in India through a research grant. Her team had the opportunity to survey 200 first-time menstrual cup users on their experience with the device.

“One important takeaway was the taboo around periods and the female body. That was not unique to the individuals we surveyed in India – it's here in the US and globally,” said Belardo. “It became very apparent that period poverty is a worldwide issue that needs to be addressed.”

Medical News Today defines period poverty as “the social, economic, political, and cultural barriers to menstrual products, education, and sanitation.” It’s estimated that 500 millionmenstruators around the world lack proper access to a few or all three of these things. Though not exclusively tied to a specific demographic, period poverty is most commonly present in low income, impoverished, and food insecure communities.

“Unfortunately, [period poverty] is everywhere. I think we don't really realize that where there's food insecurity, there’s poverty,” said Jarvis. “That can be in any community. You may not know those people are dealing with those circumstances.”

Period poverty can put a lot of stress on menstruators, depending on their situation. For those without proper access to period products, scarcity can cause physical stress. For those living in poverty, affording period products in the first place can cause financial stress. For those shamed for having a period, the embarrassment can cause emotional stress.

“When you don't have access to period products, a lot of young menstruators will miss school, which is driving a gap in education, and then ultimately leading into a gap in income for people with periods, which is disproportionately women, and is even more challenging for women menstruators of color,” expressed Jarvis. “Of course, that's no place that we should be living in.”

Societal stigmas and myths surrounding menstruation further the divide between menstruators and access to period-related resources. The belief that periods are gross, unnatural, or perverted comes from a lack of education and understanding, according to Belardo.

“We understand that periods are a bodily process that have been punished, stigmatized, and shamed by society, and we committed to educating and working with our community to co-create solutions to unmet needs,” said Belardo. “The only way we are going to see change is if we can shift society's understanding.”

Sunny is combatting period poverty in the states and abroad by simply normalizing periods. In addition to their menstrual cup, they’ve created a graphic novel for young people that aims to educate about periods. They continue to have candid conversations surrounding periods, sexual health, and period poverty through their social media channels. Sunny is also dedicated to donating products and resources to those who need them through Period.org, a non-profit that advocates for menstruators.

In addition to these things, Jarvis and Belardo are ensuring their efforts with Sunny are oriented towards menstruators of all backgrounds in order to serve the community at large.

“It's vital to openly combat the stigma associated with our bodies in order to advocate and sustain our community's mental health. Part of that is being inclusive,” said Belardo. “Truly including everyone in this conversation, cis and trans men, cis and trans women, non-binary folks, menstruators and non-menstruators, lower-income countries and higher-income countries, people of color, et cetera, so that we can normalize our bodies.”

“We've had people get frustrated by that at times. But the reality is, we're a period care company, and we are addressing people with periods and we're not going to exclude anyone from that,” said Jarvis. “We knew that it was going to be political because we wanted to include everybody with a period. We realized that while we are passionate about earth-friendly products, inclusive education, and global impact, we were always going to be more than just a period product.”

Learn more at SunnyPeriod.com. Sign up for our email newsletter to stay in the know about all things health + lifestyle!

Photography by Scott Vo Photography.

Some quotes have been edited for clarity.

College and high school graduations are just around the corner, and you may be wondering what to get your favorite Gen Z grads. Luckily for you, we compiled a list of 15 fabulous graduation gifts for every price range that are guaranteed to put a smile on your graduate’s face!

Set of 4 Meal Prep Containers

Who doesn’t love pretty Tupperware? Whether your 2024 grad is a gym rat or a library lover, they will definitely find a good use for these air-tight, leak-proof containers.

Benevolence LA New Beginnings Scented Soy Candle

Send them off with this sweet-scented candle that celebrates their achievements, as well as the next steps ahead of them!

A Hundred Other Girlsby Iman Hariri-Kia

This book is like a modern day Devil Wears Prada, and would make the perfect gift for any grad going into journalism, media, or PR — especially if they’re moving to a big city.

Stanley Quencher H2.0

Hydration is key for anyone, especially a new college student that's running between classes, club meetings, and friend hangs! This tumbler will also keep their liquids cold overnight so they don't have to go down the dorm hall in the middle of the night for a fresh refill.

Dagne Dover Mila Repreve® Recycled Polyester Large Toiletry Organizer Bag

If you're sending off a high school grad to communal dorms, they'll definitely benefit from having a compact toiletry bag like this one. This style is particularly nice since it's made from recycled polyester that resists water and debris.

2024 Daily Planner

Using a planner is such an underrated way to stay organized, whether it's prepping for college coursework or adulting stuff like work events, grocery shopping, and plans with friends. This all-in-one daily planner will help your grad keep their ducks in a row with fields for all of life's details.

Honeywell Mini Cool Mist Humidifier

This humidifier, made especially for small rooms and personal spaces (ahem, dorm rooms!) helps maintain humidity levels between 40-60%, which can help relieve congestion and keep the throat and nasal passages hydrated to prevent sickness. This is crucial for soon-to-be college students who may hang around a lot of different people.​

Fresh Sends Flower Bouquet

Flowers are a staple for any major life event, especially a graduation! Fresh Sends is perfect for sending beautiful bouquets for those who live far away, since they ship directly to the recipient's door.

The Beast Mini Blender

This super-effective, high-power portable blender is the perfect size for a dorm room or small apartment, plus it's very aesthetically-pleasing even if it's just sitting on the shelf. It comes equipped with a screw-on lid and straw, too, so your grad can take it on walks and in the car.

Béis The Sport Backpack

Perfect for grads on the go, this bag can hold their water bottle, phone, wallet and so much more when they're trekking across campus.

Loop Quiet Equinox Earplugs

These design-forward earplugs are multipurpose – they block out extra noise for study sessions and sleep time, or even loud parties and concerts! Your grad will appreciate that they come with an easy-to-carry case for keeping them on-hand in unforeseen, noisy situations.

Crush Your Goals Inner Truth Affirmations Deck

For an extra dose of motivation, this 40-count deck of cards will keep them going when times get tough!

Keurig K-Mini Single-Serve K-Cup Pod Coffee Maker

Coffee will ​always ​be a part of any new grad's life. Keep 'em caffeinated with this convenient coffee maker that's compatible with K-Cups for everyday ease.

Hoka Clifton 9 Sneakers

Hokas are undoubtedly the cool girl of running shoes, and they will definitely make your grad hit the pavement smiling, no matter if they're stepping foot on their college campus for the first time or making big moves in a new city.

Great Jones The Starting Lineup

This trio of cookware is such a stylish way to give your recipient's post-grad kitchen an upgrade. All three pieces are oven-safe and dishwasher-friendly to make cleanup a breeze.

Find all of the greatest gifts with Brit + Co!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated with additional reporting by Meredith Holser.

I have such a love/hate relationship with haircuts. While I love the feeling of a fresh look as much as the next girl, I hate having to spend $100+ for a simple cut and blow dry session. During my recent trim, I talked with my hairdresser, Jack Rehak of Jack’s Hair Design in Hinsdale, Illinois, about ways to keep a haircut looking new and best practices for keeping hair healthy. Here's what he had to say!

Here's How Often You Should Cut Your Hair, According To Professionals

Photo by cottonbro studio/PEXELS

I’ll admit it — it had been eight months since my last haircut. My hair had lost its shape, my layers were nowhere to be found, and my ends were begging for mercy. Life got busy over the last few months and I was neglecting my haircare like never before.

My hairdresser could immediately see that I was beyond due for a cut and said I needed to get more taken off than I was hoping. I was definitely disappointed — I'd been working on growing out my hair for a while now, and it just felt like my hard work had completely gone to waste. He explained that getting consistent haircuts is the key to growing out healthy and strong hair, rather than letting it grow and grow until it eventually breaks. So let's dig into the top three things you can do to avoid this scenario!

1. Just Get The Dang Haircut

Photo by RDNE Stock project/PEXELS

Also avoiding a haircut like I was? You might want to schedule one at your nearest salon. Like my stylist said, when you wait too long between trims like I did, you risk your hair becoming heavy, dull, and lifeless. When the hair is dry or even dead, it’s nearly impossible for it to hold a curl or style, essentially collapsing on you and taking on more and more heat damage all the while. I know the pain of spending time on a blowout only for it to fall minutes later — it’s the worst.

According to Jack, getting a haircut every 10-12 weeks is the best time frame or your ends will pay the price. Between blow-drying, curling, straightening, sun, and weather, our ends get dry and start to break without the proper care. Getting consistent haircuts allows hair to bounce back, shine, and perform the way we want in a healthy way.

2. Leave-In Conditioners Are Your Friend

Photo by cottonbro studio/PEXELS

His top piece of advice to keep your hair looking and feeling hydrated between trims? Invest in conditioning treatments. Jack swears by the Olaplex conditioning system, specifically the No 3 Hair Perfector. Made with patented OLAPLEX Bond Building Technology™, this conditioning treatment repairs and prevents damage in as little as three minutes. No 3 promises to reduce breakage and visibly strengthen hair, so it’s the perfect assistance to keep ends fresh between cuts. Another conditioning treatments I’ve used and loved for years is the Moroccanoil Intense Hydrating Mask, which is designed to restore moisture, elasticity, and shine to dry hair.

3. Switch Up Your Shampoos

Photo by Karolina Grabowska/PEXELS

Switching shampoos frequently is a pretty hot tip that I honestly hadn't thought of. Our hair gets used to the same products and grows tired of them, resulting in lackluster locks. Jack’s advice is to switch brands after finishing every bottle of shampoo to bring life back to your hair. Have two brands that you’re loyal to? Even switching back and forth between them after every bottle should make a big difference in your hair. I’m a huge fan of the R+Co Dallas Biotin Thickening Shampoo, which makes my hair look thick and full, as well as the Moroccanoil Hydrating Shampoo, which is so hydrating and gives so much shine.

Photo by cottonbro studio/PEXELS

In the end, navigating your back-and-forth relationship with haircuts often feels like a rollercoaster ride between wanting that fresh look and cringing at the receipt. Luckily, by using conditioning treatments and switching up your products,, you can keep your locks healthy, shiny, and full of life between trims. But take a newly learned lesson out of my book: don't let your ends pay the price for procrastination and just book the haircut.

If you need some more hair inspo and advice, be sure to sign up for our weekly email newsletter!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

Header image via Nataliya Vaitkevich/PEXELS