How to Stay Friends With Your Ex After a Breakup
The hardest part about breaking up isn’t so much getting back your stuff as it is trying to to end on good terms and, in a perfect world, staying friends with someone after the relationship has ended. Of course, this is MUCH easier said than done. To get the scoop on the best way to address the tough stuff, we consulted with founder of eFlirt and author of Love @ First Click, Laurie Davis. She shared some seriously helpful tips for making a romantic transition less painful, all while maintaining mutual respect.
Focus on Your Feelings
“When it comes to ending a relationship with respect, focus on feelings versus accusations. When you let someone know your true feelings — and just your feelings — they hear you more. For example, you might say, “I feel disconnected from you; it doesn’t feel like we’re as close as we used to be.” You lead with your feelings; it becomes hard to object. It’s unlikely the other person would say, “I don’t believe you feel that way,” right? Your emotions will always come off to the other person as more genuine than leading with accusations like, “You’re never around anymore.” If you’re finding it’s hard to see beyond the accusations, locate the feelings by asking yourself how the accusation is really affecting you. How does it feel when they’re not around? Express whatever the answer is.”
Don’t Hate — Appreciate
In addition, one of the best things you can do is leave the nitpicking out of it. When you’re ending a relationship, there’s no need to obsess over everything that didn’t work. While it’s super hard to keep fights out of the actual breakup, try to keep your cool as much as you can.
Instead, Laurie says, “Show appreciation. It can be done. Think about it: You were together for a reason and likely enjoyed many parts of the relationship, so let them know that. At the end of the conversation, tell your partner that even though things didn’t work out, you really did appreciate your time together. Choosing to be grateful can have a profound effect on both of you when ending a relationship.”
Give Yourself Time
Taking this advice to heart will put you in a much better position to stay friends once some time has passed. While it can feel like the most impossible thing in the world immediately post-split, there ARE some things you can do to make the transition easier.
Laurie says that means: “No talking, no texting, no liking statuses. Even if you had the ideal breakup, ending a relationship is still painful and you need to heal from that first and reconnect with yourself. Then, you can reconnect with each other. The time frame for that looks different for every ex couple — it’s all about what’s best for you two.” So yes, it’s totally okay to indulge in ice cream eating, wine drinking and teary-eyed Adele listening in the meantime!
Finally, remember that burning bridges is no way to go through life, and that it’s ultra unrealistic to expect that every romance will end well. Finding closure in a considerate way shows that you respect relationships in your life — and it’s sure to make things MUCH less awkward if you run into each other in the future too.
Have you successfully ended a relationship on good terms? Talk to us about what helped @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)
Pocket doors are so delightful in and of themselves. They appear when you need them, get tucked away when you don't, and make it easy to define rooms while keeping an open floor plan. Add to the pocket door a joyful patterned wallpaper surprise, and you will be sent right into fits of visual jubilation! Or something ;) Today we're sharing two simple and impactful pocket door makeovers that zhuzh up your space in a jiffy.
Anjelika Temple here, co-founder of Brit + Co and proud owner of several pocket doors! When I moved into my first real grown-up house a couple years ago, I knew I wanted to incorporate wallpaper so reached out to our friends at Chasing Paper to see how we might collaborate. It felt like a total lightbulb moment when I realized I could create a surprise pop of pattern on a couple sets of pocket doors.
Not only is it a whimsical way to bring color into a space, but the doors double as picture-perfect backdrops for all your SFH (selfies from home, obvs).
A few pro tips about install:
- Removable wallpaper is miraculously forgiving! You can take it on and off multiple times without it losing integrity (or mucking up your surface).
- I ordered this adhesive wallpaper installation kit with a squeegee and xacto knife and it worked super well. I also recommend a sharp pair of scissors for cutting longer lines.
- This is a two-person job! Get a friend, put on a playlist, and get ready to bond.
- Wild, organic patterns like Tally are great because it's challenging to spot any imperfections in pattern alignment; keep pattern choice in mind if you've got a lot of corners to match up. More geometric patterns and larger shapes leave less room for error (but are awesome in their own right!).
BATHROOM POCKET DOORS
In our primary bathroom, we chose the wallpaper pattern Tally, designed by Kelly Ventura, in White and Navy. In our space, the navy reads as a soft black, which is perfect for the space. It's easy to combine an ever-rotating collection of linens with the Tally pattern.
I love how the white trim becomes the perfect frame around this pocket door piece of art.
My favorite moment in this space is the fact that you actually get a third pop of pattern thanks to our serendipitously placed mirror!
And yes, this one works pretty darn well as a backdrop too ;)
LIVING ROOM DOUBLE DOORS
This set of doors is definitely a focal point of our home. It separates our living room from our primary bedroom which opens onto our backyard. The doors are pretty much always open, but when they're closed we wanted to evoke a fun, nature-inspired vibe. With that in mind, we selected the Lines and Moons pattern by Thimblepress in Green and Brown.
Earth mama vibes up in here! I love how the shapes and colors echo the ferns you see through the windows and the acorn wood details throughout the house.
Love this pattern moment, and xacto-ing out the door handle is def on the oddly satisfying DIY list.
For a pattern lover like me, I love that now I have this instant photo backdrop!
Thanks to Chasing Paper for providing these rolls of pure pattern amazingness. Head to chasingpaper.com to find our own favorites and start adding patterns to your home!
(Wallpaper wingwoman: Kayla Haykin; Photography: Kurt Andre)