If you’re really serious about finding that special someone — and doing it via any of the infinite dating apps and platforms available to us — it’s entirely possible that your search for love could become a full-time job. Between honing in on the perfect profile, screening incoming messages, crafting the perfect responses, and determining which potential suitors seem safe and normal enough to merit a date IRL (not to mention whether or not you should convert a first date to a second date), there’s a lot to consider.
Matchmaker Meredith Golden of SpoonmeetSpoon gets it — the stress, the time commitment, the pressure to attract the right person — which is why she takes a unique approach to helping her clients find true love. In addition to coaching her clients to romantic success in a more conventional manner, Golden actually ghostwrites for singles on their preferred dating apps. We had the opportunity to learn more about her journey to becoming a matchmaker and to get the inside scoop on her process. Keep scrolling for all the juicy details.
Brit + Co: Can you tell us more about your journey to becoming a matchmaker?
Meredith Golden: Even before becoming a professional matchmaker and while working as a psychotherapist in New York City, I always set up my friends. Those I introduced to their husbands are all still married today, and many friends who picked out their own husbands are now divorced. As these friends reentered the dating world, I was introduced to the new — and fantastic — world of dating apps. My company SpoonmeetSpoon was born naturally out of a desire to help my friends. I’d set them up the old-fashioned way, and I also used their dating app accounts to assist my search. When friends of friends started approaching me asking for my help, it dawned on me that there was a need for my services, as well as a hole in the marketplace. I posted SpoonmeetSpoon to Facebook and embarked on my new career as a dating app ghostwriter, dating coach, and professional matchmaker.
B+C: What inspired you to approach matchmaking in this specific way?
MG: My approach is dictated by technology and the times we live in. I couldn’t have done what I’m doing a decade ago. The combination of the smartphone, Facebook, and dating apps makes my approach possible. Dating apps create a vehicle to meet an insanely large pool of eligible singles that hanging out at a bar can’t compete with. When I first launched my business the old-fashioned way using my Rolodex, I quickly realized how antiquated this method was. Nearly everyone who’s single today is on the apps. They’re the biggest, most up-to-date little black book ever. As soon as someone becomes single, they hit the apps.
B+C: Why do you think that ghostwriting for your clients on dating apps is the most effective approach?
MG: The overarching theme is that I do it better than the client does. Since I’m not mired in someone else’s relationship past, I can see the landscape more clearly. This allows me to select matches better than my clients can for themselves. I snoop through a client’s dating app history and identify all their red flags. When these [red flags] surface [again] during our process, I’ll politely mention it and offer a healthy replacement behavior. The benefit of working with me is that I’m still optimistic and bring the client’s best attributes and personality to the dating apps. I see exponential improvement in my clients’ dating lives, with many finding successful relationships and deleting the apps altogether!
B+C: What is it like to pose as your clients? How do you prepare and get into character?
MG: The first step to my process is a very detailed intake. This is where I find out everything from how they take their coffee to their favorite childhood sport. It’s these details that enable me to message as them. The intake also highlights where there’s room for improvement. During the first week or so of acting as a new client, I refer back to the intake often, but soon I master all the details, and the work becomes easy! I spend a good chunk of time meeting with the client upfront, and once I start the process, we’re in almost daily communication. With each exchange, I have a better understanding of their personality, which helps strengthen my ability to act on their behalf. I’m online twice a day Monday through Thursday and once on Friday. You want to present like you have a full and active life, so I advise staying off the apps over the weekend. Communicating twice a day is enough to demonstrate interest, but also to convey and establish that you’re not desperate and on the app all day long.
B+C: What is your favorite thing about matchmaking?
MG: I love what I do for so many reasons, but the best part is seeing my clients grow and “graduate” from working with me. Clients work with me for various reasons. Someone may come to me saying she’s cursed on the third date and hasn’t had a fourth date in over a year. When I help solve this problem and the client can go back in the dating world not needing my help, I consider this a success.
B+C: What have you learned about online dating?
MG: That it works!
Would you let someone else take over your online dating profile? Tweet us @BritandCo!
(Photo via Meredith Golden, featured image via Getty)