How to Date an Introvert When You’re an Extrovert
It’s no secret that personality tests can help you in pretty unexpected ways — but did you ever think about the implications that assessments like Myers-Briggs have on your dating life? In addition to relationship-oriented tests like the Five Love Languages, knowing as much as you can about yourself can help you be your best self for the one you love. When it comes to being an extrovert or introvert, this knowledge is more relevant than ever, because the way you spend your social energy has huge implications for your relationship. Alli Owen, a life coach, has some tips for helping you navigate a relationship with an introverted person as an extrovert. But Alli isn’t just a life coach; she’s an extrovert married to an introvert! Read on to discover her tips for making the most out of this type of relationship.
1. Give them space. Technically, the difference between introverts and extroverts lies in where they get their energy. Introverts feel more energized after spending time alone doing activities such as reading, creating, or simply spending time in their own space. Conversely, extroverts gain energy from being around people in social settings. This means that introverts naturally need more physical, mental, and emotional space than extroverts do. “Often times, extroverts will try to ‘pull the emotions out of’ the introvert, only leaving both parties frustrated,” Owen said. “When in doubt, give them space.”
2. Don’t judge when they’re quiet. “This was the hardest part for me to learn,” Owen said. “I always assumed when my husband was quiet he was silently fuming because that’s what I do when I’m quiet, but introverts process emotions differently.” Owen explains that her husband processes most things internally, which means that his silence is actually a good thing. “His silence is not a sign that he doesn’t care,” she said. “In fact, he cares so much that he is crafting a thoughtful response.”
3. Ask questions. We all know people who choose quality over quantity when it comes to their words. In general, introverts are very thoughtful about what they choose to say and when. However, sometimes they need a little prompting to let these feelings out. “It’s important to only do this after the space has been given for the introvert to process,” Owen says. “Ask questions like ‘How can I help you feel better?’ or ‘Will you help me understand how you are feeling?’”
Do you have any tips for dating an introvert? Let us know @BritandCo!
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