If you’re lucky, the first few weeks of a new relationship are often nothing short of magical. The dates feel fresh and creative, the outfits are cute and designed-to-impress, and the conversations are interesting and full of information. So far, so good, right? But what happens when your new S.O. starts to feel simultaneously too interested in you and less interesting to you? Well, it’s pretty simple — the whole thing gets a lot less fun.
If you find yourself rolling your eyes at your S.O.’s text messages, limiting your alone time, pretending to be sick to avoid plans with them, or taking your sweet time to reply to their calls or invitations, it’s time to seriously consider whether the disconnect in interest level between you and that special someone has just become too great. Los Angeles-based licensed psychologist and relationship expert Jeanette Raymond has (sadly) seen this pattern time and time again, so if you’re suddenly not feeling it with your always-available bae, you’re definitely not alone.
According to Raymond, there are five primary reasons that we tend to be turned off when someone shows “too much” interest in us. Keep scrolling to learn more.
1. Your time together starts feeling mandatory. Have you ever heard that an air of mystery is healthy in a relationship? Well, it may be true. When a person is so obsessed with you (I mean, can you blame them?) that they makes themselves too available, Raymond says “you are robbed of the excitement and pleasure of deciding how much or how often you want contact with this person. The attraction wanes, and becomes a bit of a burden.” We’re not suggesting that ditching your bae is the right way to keep them interested in your relationship — only that keeping your time together optional, rather than automatic, keeps it fresh, fun, and healthy.
2. You may feel invaded or emotionally controlled. When you don’t have the personal time and space you need away from your S.O., you miss out on the opportunity to develop your own feelings. If someone is showing too much interest in you, you may start to feel as though you are no longer in total control of your decisions or emotions.
3. You may perceive your significant other as greedy. “The person showing ‘too much’ interest comes across as wanting to swallow you up greedily,” Raymond says. “They lose any attractive qualities they may otherwise have.” If someone’s identity begins to feel too wrapped up in you (as great as we know you are), it’s easy to forget the special sauce that sparked your initial interest in them.
4. You may begin to take them for granted — or get bored. In the world of romantic relationships, too much of a good thing might actually be too much. If bae makes him or herself too available physically or emotionally, their distinctive qualities probably begin to feel a little less distinctive. “You [may] back off, as if you want something different — novelty and stimulation,” Raymond cautions.
5. You may be turned off by what feels like neediness. We all want to be loved and worshipped, but an overly reliant, needy S.O. rarely comes off as cute — and it may often feel inauthentic too. Nobody has time for that.
Have you experienced a bae that was a little too interested? Tweet us @BritandCo!
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