6 Expert-Approved Tips for Making Long-Distance Love Totally Doable

Alison Zeidman
Sep 16, 2016

Thanks to technology, it’s easier than ever to stay connected to an S.O., no matter where you are. It might even be how you meet them in the first place. And yet, you still hear the same advice any time you bring up the idea of dating someone long-distance: “Don’t do it.”

Sure, a long-distance relationship means you might miss out on an extra-creative last-minute date night (adorable), or evenings where you stay in making each other romantic home-cooked meals (double adorable). But, according to dating and relationships coach Lindsay Chrisler, you shouldn’t be afraid to go for it just because it’s a challenge.

“Falling in love doesn’t happen every day, so if you meet someone who you see potential with, don’t write them off because they live far away,” she says. “I hate 100 percent black-and-white advice about love, because you have so many options to make it work.” (And for the record, she’s done long-distance successfully herself.)

In fact, Lindsay says there’s a key advantage that long-distance couples have over everyone else: You have no choice but to keep your own lives. “The natural instinct for everybody when they fall in love is to consume the other person and share one life,” she says. So, if there’s literally already space between you, you’re less likely to fall into that love buzz-killing trap.

The fun, warm-and-fuzzy, totally-crazy-about-this-person phase of the relationship also has the potential to stay turned on longer. “When you’re living together [or in the same city], you see each other by default, and there’s not as much choosing or desire there because they’re always around,” says Lindsay. But with long-distance, you actively have to tell them you miss them and care about them, and work more to connect. “The relationship actually gets more intimate, and you get to know each other in a different way,” she explains. But how do you make it last?

How to Make Long-Distance Relationships Work

1. You better both love talking. Lindsay says one of the biggest keys to a long-distance relationship is communication… literally. “If the chemistry is amazing, that’s great, but can this person talk? Because you’re not going to have physical intimacy and touch, you’re going to need communication, either verbal or written or Facetime.”

Of course, you can also go for some more unconventional date ideas beyond just long conversations. Lindsay suggests writing letters or watching movies together over Skype. But you might not even feel the need to get that creative. “Long-distance is really so romantic,” she says.

2. Be self-aware, and manage your own emotions. Long-distance relationships can come with a lot of anxiety and loneliness. “You want to have something to help you manage those feelings of fear,” Lindsay advises. It’s not fair to put all that on your S.O., but you don’t have to do it alone. She suggests turning to friends, therapists or professionals (like, say, your friendly neighborhood relationships expert) for support.

3. Never fight over text. It’s so easy to misconstrue meaning over text message or be accidentally passive-aggressive. “You’re going to be so reliant on texting, but everyone’s got to be really self-aware of how they’re feeling and how they’re doing, and be open,” says Lindsay. If you’re feeling lonely and not talking about it, that might come out in weird, mean ways that lead to a fight. Instead, talk about what you’re actually feeling — which is probably lonely and scared of being apart.

If you start to feel that happening, immediately stop texting and move the conversation to Facetime or Skype. “When you’re ‘in-person’ everything gets more present in reality and real,” says Lindsay. “You can go into your head for a long, long time when they’re not right there, and that’s the biggest trouble spot — being way too in your own head, and not actually in the relationship.” Also: Drunk texts can be just as damaging as they are when you’re single. Just don’t do it.

4. When you do get to spend time together, it’s still OK to take breaks. And don’t feel bad about it. They might need a break from being cooped up with you more than usual too. “There’s all this pressure to spend every moment together if you’re seeing each other just for the weekend, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed or irritable, go take space,” says Lindsay. “Go for a walk, see a friend, touch back to your old life. That space will allow the relationship to stay good, and you need to take it even if the time is limited.”

5. Know when to commit. “This is hard with any couple,” Lindsay admits. “The three-month mark, when there is a deeper commitment starting to be asked for, that’s when fears start setting in, and the realities set in of the things you might not like about the other person that you’re either going to have to accept, or let them go.” When it’s long-distance, it might take longer to get there (even as long as a year), but don’t shy away from the conversation if you’re feeling it. “Be really honest with each other and put it out on the table, and see if you’re on the same page. The key point is to keep telling each other the truth,” Lindsay stresses. And she also points out that emotional openness and honesty in a relationship isn’t usually something you’re taught; you have to learn by doing it.

6. Don’t rush into big changes. Committing to each other doesn’t mean you both have to move to the same city ASAP and start living together. “It’s a transition, so it’s going to be awkward and weird. That’s normal,” Lindsay assures us. “I like the idea of thinking of it as an experiment. Like, decide to live in the same city for three months, and see how that goes. And then if that feels good, move in together, and so on.” It can be scary to uproot your life or ask someone to uproot theirs, but making or giving into hard demands about where to take the relationship next isn’t going to help. “Everyone wants a guarantee, but there is no guarantee,” she says. “Take the next phases one step at a time. You get information every step of the way, and deal with more fear every step of the way, but they build on each other for a really great relationship if you go slow and stay honest with each other.”

And if after all that, you’re still on the fence? Lindsay’s got your back. You can schedule a free video consultation to get her take and support on your specific situation.

How do you make long-distance relationships work? Tweet us your tips @BritandCo!

(Photos via Getty)

"A Family Affair" Is The Hilarious Summer Rom-Com You Can't Miss

I love sappy, sweet-as-candy rom-coms. You know, the ones where two leads spend the entire movie pursuing other people only to realize they were in love with each other the whole time. The movie usually takes place in a big city or a small town (and sometimes both), there's a quirky best friend, and there's always a big declaration of love before the credits roll. And while these straightforward movies are always on my watchlist, I also love the wacky movies that involve hilarious misunderstandings, ridiculous fight scenes, and gravity-defying Dirty Dancing movies (yes, I'm talking about Emma Stone & Ryan Gosling'sCrazy Stupid Love here). Humor always makes a movie even more enjoyable to watch, and A Family Affair is as wacky as they come. The movie reunites Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron, who played opposite each other ten years ago, and this time, Joey King's added into the mix. Here's everything you need to know about the new summer movie.

What is the movie A Family Affair about?

Image via Netflix

Like any good rom com, A Family Affair is all about a surprising romance — just not the kind Zara might be hoping for. When her mother (Nicole Kidman) and her famous actor boss (Zac Efron) fall for each other, their newfound relationship complicates everyone's ideas of sex and identity, and Zara's entire life. And, just like you might expect when your boss and mother hook up, chaotic hilarity ensues.

When does A Family Affair come out?

You can watch A Family Affair on Netflix starting June 28.

Who's in the A Family Affair movie cast?

Image via Netflix

Joey King, Zac Efron, and Nicole Kidman lead this new rom-com, and they're joined by a few of our other favorite actors! A Family Affair also stars Liza Koshy and Kathy Bates.

What does A Family Affair mean?

Image via Netflix

A family affair refers to a situation that's connected to someone's family in one way or another. For me, being an adult has been all about establishing work-life balance, and I'm sure the same is true for Zara. I can't wait to see how this movie's unexpected romance turns everything upside down.

What else did Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron star in?

Image via Netflix

Before they were cast in A Family Affair, Zac Efron and Nicole Kidman played lovers in The Paperboy in 2012. Familiarity and comfort are two super important things in any romantic role, and I can already tell from these first look images that Zac and Nicole not only have awesome chemistry, but they're comfortable enough around each other to just have fun. And that's all we can ask for from a good movie!

What would YOU do if your boss and one of your parents hooked up? Let us know in the comments and on Facebook!

Lead image via Netflix

entertainmentpop culturemovies

Hey Mamas! Enter To Win A Diaper Genie + A Refill Bundle

From running on 3 hours of sleep to constant diaper changes, mamas do so much. We've teamed up with @diapergenieofficial for a special Mother’s Day gift to make things easier for new moms: receive a FREE Diaper Genie Select Pail with square refill technology, plus enough refills to get you off to a great start! The giveaway will consist of one Select Pail + four Jumbo Refills for an associated value of up to $118. Say goodbye to diaper odors in style with this sleek, easy-to-use pail. The winner will also receive a $500 Amazon gift card to shop for all their baby and household needs. Check the deets below!

Enter to win a new Diaper Genie Select Pail and four Jumbo Refills here. Giveaway ends on May 31. One lucky winner will be announced on Wednesday, June 5.

Good luck mamas! #DiaperGenie #MothersDayMagic

sponsoredamazon gift cardbaby needsdiaper changesdiaper geniegiveawaymother's daymother's day giftsmothers daymothers day giftnew momsnew select pailmoms

Reese Witherspoon's Book Club Just Announced Its Rom-Com Pick For May!

After compiling my vacation reads, I'm *finally* ready to start combing through Reese Witherspoon's Book Club list. Her revelation about reading books in her cover feature interview with Harper's Bazaar made me realize I need to step my game up ASAP.

Her admirable hobby - that's since led her to create a bourgeoning book club— continues to highlight books with women at the center, girl does she have a great eye for stories that fit every mood. To date, her book club list has amassed over 90 titles of romantic beach reads, thrillers, and more.

Since it's a new year and we're sure you not ready to tackle that many titles, I went through the list to pick the top 26 books worth diving into. Buckle up because they're sure to take our emotions on a ride! After you finish your TBR (To Be Read list), check out 24 Standout Reads From Jenna Bush Hager's Book Club, 20 Captivating Shondaland Book Club Picks, and 16 Must-Reads From The Oprah Winfrey Book Club!

May 2024: How to End a Love Story

How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang

Trigger warning: This book mentions suicide and grief.
Helen Zhang and Grant Shepard are bound by an event that changed their lives forever. Before you ask, it's not a steamy one night stand where one of them ghosted the other.
Their paths actually crossed because of a pivotal accident that neither of them saw coming and it caused Helen to view Grant as her worst enemy for years. However, time passed and they moved on to separately create lucrative careers. What they couldn't have expected was for their paths to cross, especially not at work.
Given the amazing opportunity to be a writer for the TV adaption of her own successful YA books, Helen anxiously travels to LA to accept the position and hit the reset button on her life. She has a brief moment of euphoria until she realizes that Grant will also be in the writer's room.
Now they'll have to confront their complicated feelings for each other in order not to derail their jobs and lives. They know it's impossible for them to have a true love story, but sometimes the messiness of life is all it takes for two people to find common ground and decide how they want their stories to end.

April 2024: The Most Fun We Ever Had

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

When Marilyn Connolly and David Sorenson fell in love, all they knew is that nothing could shake their foundation. Despite their unwavering hope in the past, their current reality looks differently than they imagined. Their four daughters — Wendy, Violet, Liza, and Grace — each have a unique set of problems that creates of chaos for the family. From the loss of one's husband to the secrets the youngest daughter keeps, the Sorensons are never quite sure what to expect.

In a shocking turn of events, a young man — Jonah Bendt — shows up and reveals that one of the daughters is his mom. He was placed up for adoption some time ago, but he's ready to come home to learn more about his biological family. There may be drama in The Most Fun We Ever Had, but there's still a family who finds a way back to the love that Marilyn and David have always believed in.

March 2024: Anita De Monte Laughs Last 

Art student Raquel only comes Anita de Monte's story after she starts feeling like she's starting to make a name for herself among College Hill's socialites. The more she learns about how Anita's life was horrifically cut short, she starts drawing parallels between their lives. It's almost like history is repeating itself and it's hitting too close to home.

As Gonzalez alternates between both of their perspectives, Raquel and Anita's lives begin to intersect in a way that makes Anita de Monte Laughs Last the kind of novel that'll have you thinking about it longer after you finish the last page.

February 2024: "Redwood Court" by DéLana R.A. Dameron

Redwood Court reads like a historical love letter to Black families and contains relationships that remind me of my own family. When Mika Tabor starts asking questions about her family's history, she receives much more than her class assignment asked for. The more she listens to her grandparents and observes her parents, she realizes they've been telling her meaningful stories all along. From tales of racism to the sweet grasp of a world that began moving past obvious racial tension, this novel offers a glimpse into the homes of many Black families.

While I often say I'd like to pass down books to my kids, Redwood Court has become something that I feel is mandatory to read.

January 2024: "First Lie Wins" by Ashley Elston

Reese's Book Club is coming in hot with their first pick of the year! This thriller of a reader is all about "Evie Porter" and her separate identities. One paints the picture of who she truly is, but her job places her in the position of assuming a new name in order to complete the mission given to her by Mr. Smith. She's never met Mr. Smith, her boss, but she has the inkling that her latest mission hits a little too close to home.

Does he know more about her than she realizes and can she successfully fulfill the goal he has for? Buy your copy of First Lie Wins today to find out!

December 2023: "Before We Were Innocent" by Ella Berman

What would you do if you knew a terrible secret that involved the death of one of your best friends? In Before We Were Innocent, Bess and Joni find themselves trying to escape answering this. However, some things are hard to bury — especially when the past comes knocking in the form of Joni. Will the two former best friends be able to maintain their innocence or will they have to accept the truth about themselves?

November Pick: "Maybe Next Time" by Cesca Major

If the past few years have felt like you've been stuck in a weird time loop, you'll love this page turner by Cesca Major. Maybe Next Time follows Emma as she navigates being a busy literary agent, wife and mother - except she only seems to have time for her career. When her husband is involved in a tragic car accident, Emma finds herself distraught only to wake up and see him alive again.

As the scenario continues to repeat, Emma will have to dig deep inside herself to correct patterns she's been a part of her to save not only her husband but life as she knows it.

October Pick: "Starling House" by Alix E. Harrow

Starling House is a daring tale of what happens when dreams meet determination, grit and evil. All Opal wants to do is create a haven for herself and her brother Jasper but she'll have to fight for it once she finds herself in the mysterious mansion of author E. Starling. In the depths of the shadows, she'll come face to face with things that'll test her resilience.

September Pick: "Mother-Daughter Murder Night" by Nina Simon 

Image via Target

The women of the Rubicon family have a lot to tangle with in Mother-Daughter Murder Night. When powerful matriarch Lana's granddaughter Jack becomes the prime suspect in an unsolved murder, Lana becomes determined to find a killer instead of waiting for her disease to have it's last say. Find out what Nina Simon has in store for the town the Rubicons find themselves living in.

August Pick: "Tom Lake" by Ann Patchett

Image via Target

Tom Lake weaves a beautiful tale of remembered love and viewing the humanity of one's parent. When Lara begins to regale her three daughters of a former romance she shared with actor Peter Duke at Tome Lake, they begin to take stock of what they know about their mom as well as their own love lives.

"Romantic Comedy" by Curtis Sittenfeld 

Heartbreak has the potential to make you swear off love, which is something that late night writer Sally Milz knows all too well. She's also a firm believer in the "Danny Horst Rule," the phenomenon where average looking men exclusively date women more attractive than them — until pop star Noah Brewster shows up to host the late night show. Join her for an intoxicating love ride that makes her change her perspective.

"Where The Crawdads Sing" by Delia Owens 

If you love a good romance-murder mystery, you'll fall in love with Kya's story. After the town's golden boy winds up dead, everyone in town begins blaming Kya for his murder. With heartbreak and triumph woven throughout, Where The Crawdads Sing will become the summer read you can't put down.

"The House of Eve" by Sadeqa Johnson

Even when forbidden, love seems to find a way in The House of Eve. 15-year-old Ruby is set to be her family's first college attendee, until it appears a scandalous affair will bring her back into poverty. Meanwhile, Eleanor's in love with William, a member of an elite Black family in D.C. that doesn't let just anyone in. The lives of both women will collide in an unexpected way as they forge their own paths.

"The House in the Pines" by Ana Reyes 

Maya witnessed her friend's sudden death in the woods seven years ago. Now, with nothing except a few hazy memories, she's determined to figure out what she saw, and who's behind it. The House In The Pines is proof that sometimes our past — and their secrets — don't stay dead.

"Tiny Beautiful Things" by Cheryl Strayed 

Life can feel like a dumpster fire sometimes which is why Tiny Beautiful Things feels like a soothing hug. If you love advice columns, you'll love the beautiful compilation of questions "Dear Sugar" answers within the pages as Clare sets out to offer advice while her own life falls apart. After you read the book, check out our interview with Sarah Pidgeon, who stars in the Hulu series!

"Little Fires Everywhere" by Celeste Ng 

New friends Mia and Elena are pitted against each other when everyone in town splits over a custody battle. Adapted into a mini-series on Hulu at the beginning of the pandemic, Little Fires Everywhere is a tale that shows everything isn't always what it seems, and there are always secrets to be discovered.

"Wrong Place, Wrong Time" by Gillian McAllister 

Wrong Place, Wrong Time is a novel that explores the lengths a mother is willing to take to prevent her son from doing something unspeakable. Will she be able to piece together clues in time or will all hope remain lost?

"Daisy Jones and The Six" by Taylor Jenkins Reid 

This titular novel turned Emmy award-nominated Amazon Prime series Daisy Jones & The Six explores the rise — and fall — of a legendary (and fictional) band.

"True Biz" by Sara Nović 

This heartwarming book about life at the River Valley School for the Deaf, and all of its students with completely different backgrounds, will make you laugh and cry with its beautiful depiction of human connection.

"The Club" by Ellery Lloyd 

If you've never liked hearing "How can you hate from outside the club? You can't even get in," you'll be glad you're not a part of this members-only society. The club has been pushed to its limit and everyone has something to hide.

"The Christie Affair" by Nina de Gramont 

Nan infiltrates Agatha Christie's home in 1925, intent on luring her husband away. There's something about love, affairs, and dark secrets that make for a good read, and you won't be able to get enough of this tale where things aren't always what they seem.

"Lucky" by Marissa Stapley 

"She's so lucky" ...or is she? Lucky redefines what it means to be honest when the titular character completes a million-dollar heist, and is left stranded by the very people who taught her how to scam.

"Sankofa" by Chibundu Onuzo 

When Anna learns the father she never knew is still alive, she travels to West Africa in search of answers. The tale of self-discovery through one's history, as well as the themes of home and belonging, is something we all long to understand at some point.

"L.A. Weather" by María Amparo Escandón 

Families can be complicated, and the Alvarados are no different. If you're looking for a little break from your own family dynamics, you'll get a kick out of reading along as they navigate evacuations, relationship problems, and their father's obsession with the Weather Channel.

"The Paper Palace" by Miranda Cowley Heller 

What happens when desire spills over and threatens to unravel everything two friends have built? The Paper Palace answers that as Elle must choose between continuing the life she has dedicated herself to and the life she never got to live.

"Seven Days in June" by Tia Williams 

When former lovers Eva and Shane reunite in the midst of their successful literary careers, they find that their chemistry is still as strong as it used to be. But, will the flame fizzle before their lingering questions are answered or will Eva choose vulnerability before Shane disappears again?

"The Last Thing He Told Me" by Laura Dave 

What would you do if your significant other disappeared without a trace, only leaving a cryptic note behind? In Hannah's case, she sets out on an unpredictable mission for answers — regardless of what lies ahead. After you read the book, check out our interview with Angourie Rice, who stars in the Apple TV+ series!

"The Sanatorium" by Sarah Pearse 

Le Sommet is a sanatorium-turned-luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. Detective Elin arrives to celebrate her estranged brother Isaac's engagement to Laure, and her discomfort turns to all-out horror when Laure goes missing.

"You Have a Match" by Emma Lord 

DNA tests can reveal new information about our ancestry, but when Abby learns that she has an older sister — and that her older sister is an Instagram star — the women decide to meet up and get to the bottom of why their parents split them up in the first place.

"The Chicken Sisters" by KJ Dell'Antonia 

Nothing brings families together like food and age-old rivalries, something that sisters Amanda and Mae learn firsthand when they end up on opposite sides of a cooking competition. If you love hit TV series The Bear, you'll love The Chicken Sisters.

Other Stories On Reese Witherspoon's Book Club List

  • "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang
  • "Cassandra in Reverse" by Holly Smale
  • "Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?" by Crystal Smith Paul
  • "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah
  • "The Marriage Portrait" by Maggie O'Farrell
  • "Our Missing Hearts" by Celeste Ng
  • "On The Rooftop" by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton
  • "Honey & Spice" by Bolu Babalola
  • "Counterfeit" by Kirstin Chen
  • "The Dictionary of Lost Words" by Pip Williams
  • "Anatomy" by Dana Schwartz
  • "Honor" by Thrity Umrigar
  • "The Island of Missing Trees" by Elif Shafak
  • "Within These Wicked Walls" by Lauren Blackwood
  • "We Were Never Here" by Andrea Bartz
  • "The Downstairs Girl" by Stacey Lee
  • "Tokyo Ever After" by Emiko Jean
  • "Northern Spy" by Flynn Berry
  • "Firekeeper's Daughter" by Angeline Boulley
  • "Infinite Country" by Patricia Engel
  • "Outlawed" by Anna North
  • "The Light in Hidden Places" by Sharon Cameron
  • "A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow" by Laura Taylor Namey
  • "Group" by Christie Tate
  • "Fable" by Adrienne Young
  • "His Only Wife" by Peace Medie Adzo
  • "Furia" by Yamile Saied Mendez
  • "The Last Story of Mina Lee" by Nancy Jooyoun Kim
  • "You Should See Me in a Crown" by Leah Johnson
  • "Everything Inside" by Edwidge Danticat
  • "I'm Still Here" by Austin Channing Brown
  • "The Guest List" by Lisa Foley
  • "The Henna Artist" by Alka Joshi
  • "UNTAMED" by Glennon Doyle
  • "The Jetsetters" by Amanda Eyre Ward
  • "The Scent Keeper" by Erica Bauermeister
  • "Such a Fun Age" by Kiley Reid
  • "Conviction" by Denise Mina
  • "The Giver of Stars" by Jojo Moye
  • "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky
  • "The Secrets We Kept" by Lara Prescott
  • "The Last House Guest" by Megan Miranda
  • "Whisper Network" by Chandler Baker
  • "The Cactus" by Sarah Haywood
  • "From Scratch" by Tembi Locke
  • "The Night Tiger" by Yangsze Choo
  • "The Proposal" by Jasmine Guillory
  • "The Library Book" by Susan Orlean
  • "One Day in December" by Josie Silver
  • "The Other Woman" by Sandie Jones
  • "This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel
  • "Still Lives" by Maria Hummel
  • "Next Year in Havana" by Chanel Cleeton
  • "Something in the Water" by Catherine Steadman
  • "You Think It, I'll Say It" by Curtis Sittenfeld
  • "Happiness" by Heather Harpham
  • "Erotic Stories For Punjabi Widows" by Balli Kaur Jaswal
  • "The Light We Lost" by Jill Santopolo
  • "Braving the Wilderness" by Brené Brown
  • "The Last Mrs. Parrish" by Liv Constantine
  • "The Is the Story of a Happy Marriage" by Ann Patchett
  • “The Rules of Magic” by Alice Hoffman
  • "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware
  • "The Alice Network" by Kate Quinn
  • "Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine" by Gail Honeyman

Whether you want to challenge yourself to read a book every couple of days like Reese or choose a few books to get you through the summer, I'm sure you'll find titles to add to your growing library. I already have my eyes on Where The Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens and The Club by Ellery Lloyd!

Be sure to follow our weekly newsletter for more updates!

Brit + Co may at times use affiliate links to promote products sold by others, but always offers genuine editorial recommendations.

This post has been updated.

Header Image via Amazon

book clubreese witherspoonsummer readingdaisy jones and the sixromantic comedynsfwbooks