For February, we're introducing the Dating Diaries — a chance for women to work through their romantic lives and teach us a little something in the process. Whether they're single, taken, or some kind of mixture in between, these women are ready to dish on all the dos and don'ts, the ins and outs, and anything else they care to share about modern dating.
Sonia Rana's in an age gap relationship. She and her boyfriend, Alec, are in different life stages, they have different career goals, and they're both very physically attracted to each other. Those factors aren't that unusual in age gap relationships, so what makes this situation different? Sonia is six years older than her boyfriend.
Obviously this isn't unprecedented. Think Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas, Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade...the list could go on! But why do we often find it so shocking? Older men date younger women all the time, and often with greater gaps — I'm looking at you, Leo...
While the voyeur in all of us looks on, surmising the sum of each gap, there are real people on the other end of our eyes. So what makes these age gap relationships tick? Do the differences add to or subtract from their circumstances? Does any of it matter? Is age really just a number?
After chatting with Sonia (32) about her relationship with Alec (26), there's plenty to consider.
Image via Sonia Rana
Sonia met Alec at a bar, like any other organic meet-cute. They locked eyes, made moves, and eased themselves into the steadiness of dating over the last year. Neither person necessarily had the intention of dating — Alec had gotten out of a toxic situation and Sonia was in a self-described "dating hiatus" for the last decade or so. But they both continued enjoying each other's company, relishing in what the relationship (in whatever early state it was in) brought them. It was a typical blossoming love story, one that so many of us can relate to.
Except one thing: she found out immediately that he was six years younger.
According to studies by Bumble, 63% of people say that age doesn't deter them from dating someone, with 59% of women reporting that they're willing to date someone younger. TODAY noted that more and more men and women are open to age gap relationships where the woman is actually older. The Cuteven reported that every couple they interviewed for an article on age gap relationships qualified them as "deeply satisfying."
While trending data can help determine what works and what doesn't, how does Sonia experience this IRL?
Image via Sonia Rana
"I found out during that first conversation that he was younger than me," Sonia said. "Because I hadn't dated in so long and I was very physically attracted to him, I was like...I'm not gonna shut this down, whatever."
She planned to get to know him and "keep it casual," but as we mentioned before: it didn't stay casual. See, Alec is mature and "comes off older," according to Sonia. He tends to be more calm and collected, not leaning into the typical tendencies of a man in his mid-20s — a great match for a more mellow, career-driven woman in her early-30s.
"After a few dates, I was like...I don't even care about the age difference," Sonia said. The more they saw each other, the more Alec was open about his interest in pursuing Sonia without any "games or B.S." Since then, they've been together for about a year.
Anyone can see how happy this couple is. Sonia's giddy when she tells their story, and Alec isn't private about it either — he was even the first one to say, "I love you." Plus, their friends and family seem on board, especially given that her mom already sees Alec as a son-in-law. They seem just like any other happy, healthy couple.
Image via Sonia Rana
"Not to say like, everything's perfect," Sonia reminded me. "Obviously, the age gap does present some challenges."
You see, Sonia's very career-oriented. For the last decade, she's focused on furthering herself professionally, moving around the country as every new career opportunity arose. This sustained her, steering her decisions and allowing for personal development on her own.
Alec's currently in graduate school studying medical anthropology and public health. Right now, there's a little uncertainty in what he wants to do next — does he want to stay in his program? Transfer to another university? Work in education afterwards? All typical considerations for someone in their mid-20s.
While that could raise a lot of walls between a couple, Sonia sees this as an opportunity to be more vulnerable with one another. She said, "Communication is definitely key," explaining that putting insecurities aside is important. Sonia elaborated that while she could be insecure about getting older or being a primary breadwinner, Alec could feel insecure about being younger and not being perceived as equally established as his partner.
She said, "I would say addressing those personal insecurities that you have, but then also recognizing when it's an insecurity bubbling up versus an actual, legitimate thing and being able to distinguish between the two and just talk about like, 'Okay, this is how you're feeling.'"
Sonia recommends really understanding your dealbreakers in a relationship, agnostic of age. This helps drive the tougher conversations that could come up, and ultimately drive the relationship on the right path. In the last year, they've talked about their futures, they've talked about kids, they've talked about it all — and potentially to the surprise of some, those convos are mostly lead by Alec. The point is that they talk and often.
So maybe they're only a year in, and maybe it's too soon to see what's gonna happen, but it's clear they're laying the foundations for something special. And after all, time — and age — really doesn't matter here anyway. 😘
Be sure to check back with Brit + Co for more Dating Diaries!
Header image via Pexels
