Naya Rivera Addresses Those David Spade Dating Rumors… Sort Of

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

Watch the Full Interview with Amanda Montell:

Problematic Message: Love is the most exciting when it’s forbidden.

Even if you haven’t seen the romantic comedy, you’ve definitely seen the GIFs: Andrew Lincoln, playing Mark, professing his love for Keira Knightley’s character through handwritten signs, one of which reads the famous line, “To me, you are perfect.” Yes, it’s ultra-romantic — until you look a little closer. “Although we all love an honest display of love, making a play and expressing your love for your best friend’s wife is not a good start for a relationship, on or off screen,” Tcharkhoutian says.

And the most harmful part of these fictional narratives is that they only show a fraction, if any, of the fallout. “This is a toxic dynamic that devalues the dignity of marriage and romanticizes the idea of being in love with someone who is ‘off-limits,’ without portraying the harsh realities of this kind of basis for a relationship,” Tcharkhoutian explains.

Problematic Message: A relationship that began with ulterior motives can become healthy and functional.

There’s no denying that Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a dreamy pair, but in this movie, their relationship is a nightmare. Their quick rise to love is certainly entertaining, but the foundation of their relationship makes it impossible to exist outside of fiction.

The two meet as means to prove themselves at their respective jobs, and in true rom-com fashion, their supposedly real feelings take off from there. Tcharkhoutian cautions against this behavior in real life. “This can set up a relationship to be something in which a person is objectified as a vehicle to help you meet your needs, instead of a mutual union and partnership with pure and honest motives of loving each other through thick and thin,” she says.

Lucy and Jack in "While You Were Sleeping"

Problematic Message: Falling in love with the idea of someone can result in a happy ending.

No one can resist a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, so it’s no surprise this movie is still revered as a classic of the genre. It has all the necessary components: an unrealistic plot (she saves a man’s life, is confused for his fiancée by his family, and then falls in love with his brother while he’s in a coma — like, come on!), a handsome boy-next-door lead and, of course, love. However, much like the relationship in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the foundation is faulty.

Falling in love with the idea of someone, as Sandra Bullock’s character does, doesn’t equate to falling in love with the actual person, Tcharkhoutian clarifies, and to start a relationship with this basis in real life is ill-advised.

Problematic Message: True love lies in the next adventure, which is far from your hometown and your past relationship.

Who hasn’t dreamt of traveling to a foreign country; staying in a cozy, remote cottage; and falling in love with someone even half as good-looking as Jude Law? Well, there’s a reason it’s a mere fantasy. Tcharkhoutian describes the phenomenon in The Holiday movie as escapism — the idea that you need to escape from your day-to-day life to find true happiness or, in this case, true love.

Although it’s fun to dream, if taken too far, this particular romantic comedy mentality can lead to irrational expectations. “This escapism mentality can create a false belief that international [relationships] are sustainable in the long-term,” Tcharkhoutian remarks. “True healthy relationships survive and thrive in the everyday, mundane routine, not in the exciting international adventure that depends on thrill and distance.”

Which rom-com couples stay together?

However, there are PLENTY of romantic comedy relationships we love! Some of our favorites include Nick and Rachel in Crazy Rich Asians, Matty and Jenna in 13 Going on 30, Harry and Sally in Meg Ryan's When Harry Met Sally, Elle and Emmett in Legally Blonde, and Peter and Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

Here's How Often You Should Cut Your Hair, According To Professionals

I’ll admit it — it had been eight months since my last haircut. My hair had lost its shape, my layers were nowhere to be found, and my ends were begging for mercy. Life got busy over the last few months and I was neglecting my haircare like never before.

My hairdresser could immediately see that I was beyond due for a cut and said I needed to get more taken off than I was hoping. I was definitely disappointed — I'd been working on growing out my hair for a while now, and it just felt like my hard work had completely gone to waste. He explained that getting consistent haircuts is the key to growing out healthy and strong hair, rather than letting it grow and grow until it eventually breaks. So let's dig into the top three things you can do to avoid this scenario!

1. Just Get The Dang Haircut

Also avoiding a haircut like I was? You might want to schedule one at your nearest salon. Like my stylist said, when you wait too long between trims like I did, you risk your hair becoming heavy, dull, and lifeless. When the hair is dry or even dead, it’s nearly impossible for it to hold a curl or style, essentially collapsing on you and taking on more and more heat damage all the while. I know the pain of spending time on a blowout only for it to fall minutes later — it’s the worst.

According to Jack, getting a haircut every 10-12 weeks is the best time frame or your ends will pay the price. Between blow-drying, curling, straightening, sun, and weather, our ends get dry and start to break without the proper care. Getting consistent haircuts allows hair to bounce back, shine, and perform the way we want in a healthy way.

2. Leave-In Conditioners Are Your Friend

His top piece of advice to keep your hair looking and feeling hydrated between trims? Invest in conditioning treatments. Jack swears by the Olaplex conditioning system, specifically the No 3 Hair Perfector. Made with patented OLAPLEX Bond Building Technology™, this conditioning treatment repairs and prevents damage in as little as three minutes. No 3 promises to reduce breakage and visibly strengthen hair, so it’s the perfect assistance to keep ends fresh between cuts. Another conditioning treatments I’ve used and loved for years is the Moroccanoil Intense Hydrating Mask, which is designed to restore moisture, elasticity, and shine to dry hair.

3. Switch Up Your Shampoos

Switching shampoos frequently is a pretty hot tip that I honestly hadn't thought of. Our hair gets used to the same products and grows tired of them, resulting in lackluster locks. Jack’s advice is to switch brands after finishing every bottle of shampoo to bring life back to your hair. Have two brands that you’re loyal to? Even switching back and forth between them after every bottle should make a big difference in your hair. I’m a huge fan of the R+Co Dallas Biotin Thickening Shampoo, which makes my hair look thick and full, as well as the Moroccanoil Hydrating Shampoo, which is so hydrating and gives so much shine.

In the end, navigating your back-and-forth relationship with haircuts often feels like a rollercoaster ride between wanting that fresh look and cringing at the receipt. Luckily, by using conditioning treatments and switching up your products,, you can keep your locks healthy, shiny, and full of life between trims. But take a newly learned lesson out of my book: don't let your ends pay the price for procrastination and just book the haircut.