The other day on Conan, Parks and Rec star Nick Offerman introduced his new product — handcrafted wood emoji. He calls it “a more American way of communication,” so if you have any shred of patriotism, you should probably start carving your own emojis now and carrying them in a large sack everywhere you go. The emoji are $30 each and totally incompatible with all smartphones and mobile devices, but that’s the way the founding fathers would’ve wanted it.

We can’t help but wonder if this spoof was inspired by the Parks and Rec set of emoji. Either way, we’re almost as obsessed with this video as we are with emoji themselves.

Are these your new emoji? Probably not, but let us know in the comments below.