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The Ultimate Hammacher Schlemmer Holiday Gift Guide

Buying holiday gifts is tough. Do you go DIY or do you go gift card? Functional or funny? And what do you get for the guy or gal who has it all? The answer to all of these questions is clear. You go to Hammacher Schlemmer.

What follows are 25 of the most ludicrous, can’t-believe-they-exist products in this infamous cousin of SkyMall. And yes, every single product name in the catalog really does start with “The.”

1. The Barbecue Dining Boat ($50,000): What are 10 adults with a spare 50K to do except go in on a barbecue dining boat together?

2. The Killer Whale Submarine ($100,000): Why ride on a whale when you can ride IN one?!

3. The Two-Person Submarine ($2,000,000): For a new take on a romantic night on the water, go underwater.

4. The Electric Skates ($700): It’s like roller-skates and the Segway had a baby.

5. The Hand Crank Locomotive Shoe ($3,900): We didn’t even know hand crank locomotive shoes were a thing.

6. The Pedicab ($4,800): Skip the trip to Asia and go for your own pedicab instead.

7. The Classic Storefront Champion Ride ($6,500): Open up Spotify. Search for Pony by Ginuwine. Press play.

8. The 20′ Inflatable Snowman ($400): I’m sorry, is that a sexy snowman pose? What gives Hammacher?

9. The Two Story Inflatable Reindeer ($380): We love Christmas but this seems like overkill – won’t the actual Rudolph get a little confused?

10. The Fashionista Christmas Tree ($250): No. Just. No.

11. The Walker’s Path Illuminating Belt ($60): Wearing a headlamp is so two years ago.

12. The Motion Activated Talking Yoda Sentry ($30): Ok this one is kind of awesome. Yoda battles people who try to use your computer!

13. The Coffee Table Footrest ($40): Also known as… a pillow?

14. The 50 Foot Snowball Launcher ($30): A supersoaker for snow balls? Danger.

15. The Remote Controlled Rolling Beverage Cooler ($80): We might not buy this but we would definitely get a kick out of it. Send your cooler around the party as people finish their beers.

16. The Emotive Robotic Avatar ($65,000): Robots. That’s all.

17. The Pajamas Warming Pouch ($40): Getting into a cold pair of pajamas is such a drag! :)

18. The 20 Foot Animatronic Triceratops ($350,000): Featured alongside fellow animatronics at museums nationwide, this tri-horned wonder can sway its head, stomp its right forelimb, open its jaws, and growl.

19. The 9 1/2 Foot Remote Controlled Bald Eagle ($500): Ca-cawww!

20. The Mini Talking Chewie ($100): Ok ok, $100 isn’t actually that ludicrous for a Star Wars-themed Teddy Ruxpin.

21. The 4 Foot Heirloom Dragon ($1,000): But $1,000 for a plush dragon IS.

22. The Human Bowling Ball ($4,500): Apparently there is a belief at Hammacher that people want to get inside inflatable balls and roll around. The Human Bowling Ball is one option.

23. The Child Piloted Tumbler ($80): This seems a lot like the human bowling ball but for 80 bucks.

24. The Giant 40 Inch Personalized Soccer Ball ($110): I don’t know. This one seems like a beach ball with someone’s name stamped on it.

25. The Inflatable Walk On Water Mat ($1,000): And finally, a way to walk on water!

What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen on Hammacher Schlemmer?