When you’re a lady-person, for some reason people think they’re allowed to ask you all sorts of personal questions: “When are you getting married?” “Are you really going to eat that?” And perhaps most common of all (especially if you’ve already tied the knot): “When are you going to have kids?”
Whether having babies (and trying to break the internet with them) just isn’t part of your current five-year plan, or you’ve been trying to conceive but can’t, it’s really, really none of their business. You could try to awkwardly dance around the question or find a way to politely sidestep it… or, you might just want to shut. It. Down.
In that case, here are 10 deliciously clever responses you could use the next time someone tries to get all up in your ovaries. Because remember, it’s a woman’s right to choose… her witty comebacks.
When someone asks: “So… when are you going to have kids?”
1. “As soon as someone tells me where they come from. I know that whole stork thing is a myth.”
2. “I guess I wouldn’t mind trying. What’s the return policy on those things?”
3. “I don’t know. I’d hate to let my sex-ed teacher down.”
4. “Not sure. I traded my biological clock in for an Apple Watch.”
5. “I just haven’t met the right sperm donor.”
6. “Why bother? All the good baby names are taken. It’s not like I can top ‘Saint.'”
7. “I’m already wearing elastic waist pants. What more do you want from me?”
8. “Every time I hear the word ‘baby’ I just think of that Justin Bieber song and it triggers my gag reflex.”
9. “When do you want them? I can start now if you’ll raise them and pay for their college.”
10. “How could I bring a child into this world? A world where people ask rude, intrusive questions about my reproductive plans?”
What’s your go-to comeback when someone’s being nosy about your relationship? Tweet us your tips (polite or sassy) @BritandCo!
(Photos via Getty)