Well, here we are. Another Bachelorette season down and three hours of television spent on Chris Harrison’s incredibly awkward questions. If you missed last night’s finale, I can’t in good conscience tell you it’s worth watching. I can, however, advise reading our recap and pouring one out for the beautiful angel-faced human that is Peter Kraus. Because *spoiler alert* he was broken up with in the most dramatic of fashions in an interaction that went something like this:
Peter: So I’m super into you, but I’m just not sure I can propose after two months. Seems kinda fast.
Rachel: UGH, fine. I guess I’ll pick the other guy. Brandon, I think his name is? *Looks to producers to confirm*
Cue Rachel’s cried-off eyelashes and Peter dramatically ripping off his shirt to sob into. Okay, that part is kind of worth watching if you like perfect abs and seeing reality television make a perfectly sensible man ask himself, “What is wrong with me?”
Okay, but we’re here to talk about Brandon — sorry, Bryan. In the most anticlimactic finale that ever was (actually, can’t confirm that, as this is the only season I’ve really watched), Miami’s finest chiropractor (also not confirmed), Bryan Abasolo, won this season of The Bachelorette with a proposal that took the internet by storm. By that we mean there was *literally* a windstorm during the proposal that could have easily sent the ring into the abyss. Honestly, props to the sound guys who managed to make that interaction audible and Mother Nature for trying her best to intervene.
As you would expect, the internet is feeling a lot of ways about last night’s breakup with Peter, Bryan’s win, and that epic twist Chris Harrison teased and never followed through with. If you’re up in arms today trying to process all the hours of television you committed to that led up to this point, we recommend some 21st-century therapy (i.e. reading a bunch of hilarious tweets that you deeply relate to). HERE. WE. GO.
Does this Peter + Dean pic come in desktop wallpaper dimensions? Asking for a friend.
An accurate portrayal of how everyone felt when Bryan came out and REproposed to Rachel:
TFW Peter is just asking for like a week of normalcy and a visit to the farmers’ market before proposing, and then Rachel says she and Bryan are “not rushing anything…”
Still waiting, Chris.
Never did we think we’d consider Simon Cowell an ally, but there’s a first for everything.
Advice to remember during the next run-in you have with an ex:
At least we can thank Peter and Rachel for providing us with a new breakup scale:
THERE IS STILL TIME, RIGHT?
FYI, Steve Harvey is now responsible for fixing every pop culture wrongdoing from now until Rachel realizes she’s meant to be with Peter.
We will leave you with this truth bomb from former Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky:
Peter, we love you, and if you’re out there spending today reading the internet’s Bachelorette recaps, just know that I can be found at B+C’s NYC headquarters five days a week. Also, I love the farmers’ market.
What did you think of the Bachelorette finale? Share your FEELINGS with us on Twitter @BritandCo.
(Photo via ABC)