How to Vent About Work Without It Backfiring On You

Is a career coach really worth it?

I believe everyone needs and deserves a career coach.

We spend 1/3 of our lives at work — sometimes more — and usually don’t have formal guidance on how to navigate our transitions and limiting beliefs throughout.

I'm often asked about the difference between a therapist and a coach, and how to choose between them. My simplest answer is that therapists focus on how your past has influenced your current situation, while coaches guide you from the present to where you want to be in the future.

Here’s a non-exhaustive cheat sheet to know if a career coach is right for you:

• You’re unhappy with your current job but have no idea what you would do next.
• You're navigating limiting beliefs in your current role that are holding you back.
• You struggle to accomplish goals that you care about.
• You are navigating a challenging situation with a coworker.
• You want to develop yourself as a leader, either in your own company or within your organization.
• You want to discover your purpose to make the most of your time on this planet.

What should you expect from a career coach?

I remember my coach telling me early on that a leader is anyone who can share a vision of the future that’s so inspiring, someone wants to follow them there. With this definition I see us all as leaders — whether in the traditional, professional sense or simply in leading our own lives and being in relationships with others.

While I can't predict what every career coach can offer, here are the 10 lessons that completely changed the way I lead, plus 10 questions you can use to reflect and integrate these lessons into your daily life:

These lessons will help you:

• Be the leader of your own life journey
• Lead with care and clarity
• Make genuine connections
• Realize that becoming a leader is a fast track to personal growth

1. Trust is built in a context of care

Whether it’s with people you work with, or in your personal life, make what you care about known — needs, wants, desires, values. You can’t expect someone else to know them if you don’t clearly communicate them. And, make sure you make it known that you want to know theirs, too.

2. Riots start in the stands

There are 2 types of people: the people on the field, and the people in the stands. Find the people who want to be on the field with you. Rolling up their sleeves and doing the work — this might be at work in the trenches of your start up or in a romantic relationship. You won’t get far if you’re on the field alone surrounded by people in the stands.

3. We live in a mirroring reality

Our external reality is a projection of our inner reality. When we offer kindness and compassion, we receive kindness and compassion. When we offer criticism or judgment, we receive that, too.

4. Curiosity is the emergency break to judgment

If your “mood elevator” is falling, curiosity is the fast track to lift it. In these moments, you can say something like: I notice I’m being judgmental, I wonder what that’s about? Then start to list things that have come up for you that you’re reacting to. Maybe you spent a little too much time on social media, or a colleague cut you off while you were talking and suddenly you’re in a reactive state. This is human. Use curiosity to get back on track.

5. Clarity is kindness.

Being clear and direct with others is a way to show respect and consideration. Ambiguity can create stress and uncertainty, but when we are clear we give others a sense of stability. This is a form of kindness. And if you feel unclear, communicate that and see where it goes.

6. Being someone’s fan is > anything else.

Sadly, we live in a culture where people get more attention for spewing their criticism at each other publicly than when we lift each other up. Seeing people tear each other down, whether it’s on social media, in relationships, or during meetings breaks my heart. Especially, when I’ve seen without fail, the positive impact offering admiration and support has on someone’s confidence and overall growth.

While I don’t blame people for the system that has normalized this behavior, I urge us all to do what we can to break free from it and do the inner work to heal our insecurities and fears, and celebrate each other’s unique gifts.

7. You can’t work harder for someone than they can for themselves.

“Help 49%” is something a mentor said to me a long time ago. As a leader, I’ve learned this time and time again. You can’t want something for someone that they don’t intrinsically want for themselves.

This applies to every type of relationship we have, both professionally and personally. You can’t help someone until they decided that growth is their priority. It’s up to you if you want to stick around patiently during that time or move on.

8. Love is allowing the other person — and yourself — to be whole.

This one really is about accepting and seeing people for who they are, not what we want them to be. As a leader, I try to see each person I work with as a whole, unique being and accept them fully as that person. Which means it’s my job to make sure I am not projecting onto them the person I want them to be as they grow.

The root of this wisdom lies in attachment theory, and while this line of thinking is usually strictly applied to romantic relationships, I think it’s useful for all relation aspects of our lives.

9. If you need to win every fight, then you’ll be surrounded by people who are always defeated.

I often say the only competition anyone should be in is with themselves. The ego trap I’ve seen many people fall into, when choosing a romantic partner or building out their team, is subconsciously choosing people they can feel important or powerful around versus challenged by.

10. People need to be pointed to their own resiliency.

It’s fascinating to me how easily people forget their own capacity and strength. We have and continue to overcome a great deal as humans in this lifetime.

Turning your hobby into a career can take a little trial and error, a lot of resilience, and some good business sense. TurboTax can help you make your moves count so you can focus on what you do best! Whether TurboTax experts prepare your tax return or you do it yourself, they guarantee their calculations are always 100 percent accurate, or they’ll pay any penalties.

If you’re a creative person looking to take your hobby to the next level, here are tips for getting started and growing your business.

Choose your focus: Before Steffy started focusing on the DIY aspect of her business, her niche was in fashion, mostly vintage fashion, which helped her build a following who loved her aesthetic. “My first big win was I booked a blog a month with a major fashion brand. It was the first time I realized that big companies are paying attention to people on the Internet,” says Steffy. “Over time, working with brands just legitimized what I was doing and made me feel like, yes, this is fun, and yes, this is something that is still a hobby, but also there's a future in it as my business.”

Set clear goals: Define your career goals – actually write them down – and create a roadmap for achieving them. Set short-term and long-term goals that are SMART: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Set reasonable dates for achieving those goals and stick to them!

Create a personal brand: Establishing a strong personal brand that feels unique to you and your target audience can help you stand out in a crowded space. Make sure it’s clear what you do from your branding and what services you offer.

Develop a business mindset: Brush up on budgeting, marketing, sales, and customer service to understand how best to monetize your passion. “My first challenge was tax wise,” says Steffy. After getting hit with a big tax bill at the end of year, Steffy realized that she had to pay quarterly taxes as a freelancer to avoid hefty fees. “When you work for yourself, you're thinking you're making all this income, but really a lot of it goes back to the state and the government, and you have to really be on top of that.” TurboTax experts can help you determine all of your deductions as a freelancer and entrepreneur while helping you get your max refund.

Scale wisely: Do you invest in hiring help or do you stay small? That’s a question solopreneurs often struggle with. “I hit a certain point where I realized that I did need help. I'm still working through what that help looks like. I have a part-time employee, but I always grapple with whether I need more hours and more hands on deck,” says Steffy. Balance your creative life by contracting out the responsibilities that take up a lot of your time and that you don’t necessarily enjoy doing. Wearing too many hats can take away from your talents and lead to burnout so get help when you need it, like tax time, but choose wisely where you invest your time and money.

Adapt as you grow: Once you start to gain traction, adjust and adapt your business plan to suit your growing needs. “I was already doing DIY projects behind the scenes, but I just thought, it's not my niche. People won't be interested in this,” says Steffy about transitioning her fashion-focused brand to her other hobbies. “Then I filmed one video of DIY, peel-and-stick wallpaper, and it went viral. That's what made me realize that maybe people do come to me for my fashion, but that my fashion sense trickles down into all aspects of my life, including how I decorate.” That led Steffy to eventually writing a home decor book A Home for Every Season. “It just shifted my business completely,” she says.

Connect with other creatives: Being a solopreneur can be lonely. You have friends and family but they may not understand your business struggles. That’s where a creative community comes in. “A community definitely helps even just to have comradery and bounce ideas off of each other,” says Steffy, who often shares content with other influencers. “We're all on the Internet and then getting together and creating content and sharing it, it definitely helps lift everyone up.”

Consistently show up. Consistency is key to building a following and accomplishing your goals. “The biggest tip I would have is to just get up and do it every day,” says Steffy. “You have to have a strong foundation yourself to grow and just keep coming up with new ideas and trying new things and just showing up, not necessarily every day, but a few times a week, for your audience and trying to inspire them and be creative.”

Photos: Courtesy of Steffy.

Running a business or thinking about starting one? Make your moves count with TurboTax!*

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May 2024: How to End a Love Story

How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang

April 2024: The Most Fun We Ever Had

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

When Marilyn Connolly and David Sorenson fell in love, all they knew is that nothing could shake their foundation. Despite their unwavering hope in the past, their current reality looks differently than they imagined. Their four daughters — Wendy, Violet, Liza, and Grace — each have a unique set of problems that creates of chaos for the family. From the loss of one's husband to the secrets the youngest daughter keeps, the Sorensons are never quite sure what to expect.

In a shocking turn of events, a young man — Jonah Bendt — shows up and reveals that one of the daughters is his mom. He was placed up for adoption some time ago, but he's ready to come home to learn more about his biological family. There may be drama in The Most Fun We Ever Had, but there's still a family who finds a way back to the love that Marilyn and David have always believed in.

Art student Raquel only comes Anita de Monte's story after she starts feeling like she's starting to make a name for herself among College Hill's socialites. The more she learns about how Anita's life was horrifically cut short, she starts drawing parallels between their lives. It's almost like history is repeating itself and it's hitting too close to home.

As Gonzalez alternates between both of their perspectives, Raquel and Anita's lives begin to intersect in a way that makes Anita de Monte Laughs Last the kind of novel that'll have you thinking about it longer after you finish the last page.

Redwood Court reads like a historical love letter to Black families and contains relationships that remind me of my own family. When Mika Tabor starts asking questions about her family's history, she receives much more than her class assignment asked for. The more she listens to her grandparents and observes her parents, she realizes they've been telling her meaningful stories all along. From tales of racism to the sweet grasp of a world that began moving past obvious racial tension, this novel offers a glimpse into the homes of many Black families.

While I often say I'd like to pass down books to my kids, Redwood Court has become something that I feel is mandatory to read.

January 2024: "First Lie Wins" by Ashley Elston

Reese's Book Club is coming in hot with their first pick of the year! This thriller of a reader is all about "Evie Porter" and her separate identities. One paints the picture of who she truly is, but her job places her in the position of assuming a new name in order to complete the mission given to her by Mr. Smith. She's never met Mr. Smith, her boss, but she has the inkling that her latest mission hits a little too close to home.

Does he know more about her than she realizes and can she successfully fulfill the goal he has for? Buy your copy of First Lie Wins today to find out!

What would you do if you knew a terrible secret that involved the death of one of your best friends? In Before We Were Innocent, Bess and Joni find themselves trying to escape answering this. However, some things are hard to bury — especially when the past comes knocking in the form of Joni. Will the two former best friends be able to maintain their innocence or will they have to accept the truth about themselves?

If the past few years have felt like you've been stuck in a weird time loop, you'll love this page turner by Cesca Major. Maybe Next Time follows Emma as she navigates being a busy literary agent, wife and mother - except she only seems to have time for her career. When her husband is involved in a tragic car accident, Emma finds herself distraught only to wake up and see him alive again.

As the scenario continues to repeat, Emma will have to dig deep inside herself to correct patterns she's been a part of her to save not only her husband but life as she knows it.

Starling House is a daring tale of what happens when dreams meet determination, grit and evil. All Opal wants to do is create a haven for herself and her brother Jasper but she'll have to fight for it once she finds herself in the mysterious mansion of author E. Starling. In the depths of the shadows, she'll come face to face with things that'll test her resilience.

The women of the Rubicon family have a lot to tangle with in Mother-Daughter Murder Night. When powerful matriarch Lana's granddaughter Jack becomes the prime suspect in an unsolved murder, Lana becomes determined to find a killer instead of waiting for her disease to have it's last say. Find out what Nina Simon has in store for the town the Rubicons find themselves living in.

Tom Lake weaves a beautiful tale of remembered love and viewing the humanity of one's parent. When Lara begins to regale her three daughters of a former romance she shared with actor Peter Duke at Tome Lake, they begin to take stock of what they know about their mom as well as their own love lives.

Heartbreak has the potential to make you swear off love, which is something that late night writer Sally Milz knows all too well. She's also a firm believer in the "Danny Horst Rule," the phenomenon where average looking men exclusively date women more attractive than them — until pop star Noah Brewster shows up to host the late night show. Join her for an intoxicating love ride that makes her change her perspective.

If you love a good romance-murder mystery, you'll fall in love with Kya's story. After the town's golden boy winds up dead, everyone in town begins blaming Kya for his murder. With heartbreak and triumph woven throughout, Where The Crawdads Sing will become the summer read you can't put down.

Even when forbidden, love seems to find a way in The House of Eve. 15-year-old Ruby is set to be her family's first college attendee, until it appears a scandalous affair will bring her back into poverty. Meanwhile, Eleanor's in love with William, a member of an elite Black family in D.C. that doesn't let just anyone in. The lives of both women will collide in an unexpected way as they forge their own paths.

Maya witnessed her friend's sudden death in the woods seven years ago. Now, with nothing except a few hazy memories, she's determined to figure out what she saw, and who's behind it. The House In The Pines is proof that sometimes our past — and their secrets — don't stay dead.

Life can feel like a dumpster fire sometimes which is why Tiny Beautiful Things feels like a soothing hug. If you love advice columns, you'll love the beautiful compilation of questions "Dear Sugar" answers within the pages as Clare sets out to offer advice while her own life falls apart. After you read the book, check out our interview with Sarah Pidgeon, who stars in the Hulu series!

New friends Mia and Elena are pitted against each other when everyone in town splits over a custody battle. Adapted into a mini-series on Hulu at the beginning of the pandemic, Little Fires Everywhere is a tale that shows everything isn't always what it seems, and there are always secrets to be discovered.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time is a novel that explores the lengths a mother is willing to take to prevent her son from doing something unspeakable. Will she be able to piece together clues in time or will all hope remain lost?

This titular novel turned Emmy award-nominated Amazon Prime series Daisy Jones & The Six explores the rise — and fall — of a legendary (and fictional) band.

This heartwarming book about life at the River Valley School for the Deaf, and all of its students with completely different backgrounds, will make you laugh and cry with its beautiful depiction of human connection.

If you've never liked hearing "How can you hate from outside the club? You can't even get in," you'll be glad you're not a part of this members-only society. The club has been pushed to its limit and everyone has something to hide.

Nan infiltrates Agatha Christie's home in 1925, intent on luring her husband away. There's something about love, affairs, and dark secrets that make for a good read, and you won't be able to get enough of this tale where things aren't always what they seem.

"She's so lucky" ...or is she? Lucky redefines what it means to be honest when the titular character completes a million-dollar heist, and is left stranded by the very people who taught her how to scam.

When Anna learns the father she never knew is still alive, she travels to West Africa in search of answers. The tale of self-discovery through one's history, as well as the themes of home and belonging, is something we all long to understand at some point.

Families can be complicated, and the Alvarados are no different. If you're looking for a little break from your own family dynamics, you'll get a kick out of reading along as they navigate evacuations, relationship problems, and their father's obsession with the Weather Channel.

What happens when desire spills over and threatens to unravel everything two friends have built? The Paper Palace answers that as Elle must choose between continuing the life she has dedicated herself to and the life she never got to live.

When former lovers Eva and Shane reunite in the midst of their successful literary careers, they find that their chemistry is still as strong as it used to be. But, will the flame fizzle before their lingering questions are answered or will Eva choose vulnerability before Shane disappears again?

What would you do if your significant other disappeared without a trace, only leaving a cryptic note behind? In Hannah's case, she sets out on an unpredictable mission for answers — regardless of what lies ahead. After you read the book, check out our interview with Angourie Rice, who stars in the Apple TV+ series!

Le Sommet is a sanatorium-turned-luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. Detective Elin arrives to celebrate her estranged brother Isaac's engagement to Laure, and her discomfort turns to all-out horror when Laure goes missing.

DNA tests can reveal new information about our ancestry, but when Abby learns that she has an older sister — and that her older sister is an Instagram star — the women decide to meet up and get to the bottom of why their parents split them up in the first place.

Nothing brings families together like food and age-old rivalries, something that sisters Amanda and Mae learn firsthand when they end up on opposite sides of a cooking competition. If you love hit TV series The Bear, you'll love The Chicken Sisters.

Other Stories On Reese Witherspoon's Book Club List

• "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang
• "Cassandra in Reverse" by Holly Smale
• "Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?" by Crystal Smith Paul
• "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah
• "The Marriage Portrait" by Maggie O'Farrell
• "Our Missing Hearts" by Celeste Ng
• "On The Rooftop" by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton
• "Honey & Spice" by Bolu Babalola
• "Counterfeit" by Kirstin Chen
• "The Dictionary of Lost Words" by Pip Williams
• "Anatomy" by Dana Schwartz
• "Honor" by Thrity Umrigar
• "The Island of Missing Trees" by Elif Shafak
• "Within These Wicked Walls" by Lauren Blackwood
• "We Were Never Here" by Andrea Bartz
• "The Downstairs Girl" by Stacey Lee
• "Tokyo Ever After" by Emiko Jean
• "Northern Spy" by Flynn Berry
• "Firekeeper's Daughter" by Angeline Boulley
• "Infinite Country" by Patricia Engel
• "Outlawed" by Anna North
• "The Light in Hidden Places" by Sharon Cameron
• "A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow" by Laura Taylor Namey
• "Group" by Christie Tate
• "Fable" by Adrienne Young
• "His Only Wife" by Peace Medie Adzo
• "Furia" by Yamile Saied Mendez
• "The Last Story of Mina Lee" by Nancy Jooyoun Kim
• "You Should See Me in a Crown" by Leah Johnson
• "Everything Inside" by Edwidge Danticat
• "I'm Still Here" by Austin Channing Brown
• "The Guest List" by Lisa Foley
• "The Henna Artist" by Alka Joshi
• "UNTAMED" by Glennon Doyle
• "The Jetsetters" by Amanda Eyre Ward
• "The Scent Keeper" by Erica Bauermeister
• "Such a Fun Age" by Kiley Reid
• "Conviction" by Denise Mina
• "The Giver of Stars" by Jojo Moye
• "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky
• "The Secrets We Kept" by Lara Prescott
• "The Last House Guest" by Megan Miranda
• "Whisper Network" by Chandler Baker
• "The Cactus" by Sarah Haywood
• "From Scratch" by Tembi Locke
• "The Night Tiger" by Yangsze Choo
• "The Proposal" by Jasmine Guillory
• "The Library Book" by Susan Orlean
• "One Day in December" by Josie Silver
• "The Other Woman" by Sandie Jones
• "This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel
• "Still Lives" by Maria Hummel
• "Next Year in Havana" by Chanel Cleeton
• "Something in the Water" by Catherine Steadman
• "You Think It, I'll Say It" by Curtis Sittenfeld
• "Happiness" by Heather Harpham
• "Erotic Stories For Punjabi Widows" by Balli Kaur Jaswal
• "The Light We Lost" by Jill Santopolo
• "Braving the Wilderness" by Brené Brown
• "The Last Mrs. Parrish" by Liv Constantine
• "The Is the Story of a Happy Marriage" by Ann Patchett
• “The Rules of Magic” by Alice Hoffman
• "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware
• "The Alice Network" by Kate Quinn
• "Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine" by Gail Honeyman