Was it four hours of everlasting love you were looking for on this week’s installments of Bachelor in Paradise? Nah, of course you were hoping for three hours of heartbreak and an hour of Chris Harrison (UGH) doing interviews about very important topics.
When last we left these purgatory dwellers, #KrisDeana (actual hashtag that people use) was seriously on the rocks, with Dean lusting after D.Lo and giving her a slice of half birthday cake. Dean is playing the field in a major way here, possibly to his advantage in the long run. Kristina is very upset with Dean for playing with her heart, but this is Paradise, where emotions must hang in the balance while we introduce another cast member.
Sarah (Nick’s season) has arrived and she’s here for drama! Things seemed to be going okay for Raven and Adam, The Ventriloquist, but Sarah is ready to latch on to Adam the minute she arrives, having hooked up with him during the production delay.
Some cast members try to steer her toward Ben Z, but all that dude ever wants to talk about is his dog, so naturally she’s much more attracted to the guy with the creepy doll version of himself. She gives her date card to Adam and they go on, again, the most boring margarita and dancing date because apparently that’s all Paradise has to offer. They make out. They might be… in love.
And isn’t love what all of these people need? Lacey is certainly having a time of it, crying her way through her feelings about uninterested man after uninterested man. But maybe Diggy’s interested! She gives him her date card and they go on a slightly less boring horseback riding and romantic beach date organized by former bartender/now tour guide operator Jorge. They drink Champagne. They make out. They might be… in love.
But, hold up! Dominique (Nick’s season) has arrived and she’s here for drama! With an option other than Lacey, Diggy is immediately on to Dominique and receives a date card from her.
“I think she was gift-wrapped for me,” Diggy says later while he makes out with her in a hot tub. Gross, dude. Even grosser because you broke poor Lacey’s already fragile heart. How much more heartbreak can we take in one episode?
Turns out a lot. Danielle isn’t feeling any of the regular cast members and receives an opportunity to do charity work in Africa. Get it, white savior! The one thing she regrets is that she didn’t get to explore her possible romantic connection with former contestant/now bartender Wells. I thought it was made perfectly clear that WELLS IS NOT HERE TO FALL IN LOVE. They leave the possibility open that they might start dating once she’s back from saving the children. Can love even flourish outside of Paradise?
What follows is Chris Harrison interviewing people and it’s as riveting as Chris Harrison’s interviews have ever been. I may have fallen asleep a few times while a random assortment of current contestants reiterated their support for DeMario, who later cried during his own interview about how everything got blown out of proportion. Also, Evan and Carly are having a baby because PARADISE WORKS, Y’ALL.
What’s the most boring date you’ve ever been on? Tell us @BritandCo.
(Photos via ABC + Getty)