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By now, most of us (hopefully) know that a lot goes into making a marriage work, and it’s not just love. Partners should share or at least respect each other’s morals and values, foster solid communication skills, have strong trust in one another, and hold similar goals for the future.
But that’s not to say passion and chemistry aren’t also huge pieces of the puzzle. From the time I was a little girl until now, my idea of marriage has changed due to more grown-up considerations, such as financial stability and emotional well-being. Nonetheless, one thing has never faltered: the fact that I intend to tie the knot with someone I truly love and refuse to walk down the aisle otherwise.
Recently, though, a woman on Reddit who goes by the name of Chunkachu_ posed a very interesting question after hearing that men have a different perspective.
“I heard a quote somewhere. It said, ‘A man will never marry the love of their life. Instead, they marry the woman that they are with in the moment when the man feels stable for marriage.’ That’s kind of sad. Is there some truth to that?” she asked.
The post took off online, with over 1,400 users sharing their thoughts in the comments. And now, we’re conducting our own investigation to answer the burning question: do men marry for love?
So, do men marry for love? Here's what Reddit had to say.
Apparently, other people have heard this same phrase before.
“A long time ago, someone said to me that women marry the right man for them, and men marry at the right time for them.” –MarsupialLast4651
But why is that? Are men quicker to settle out of practicality or laziness? The consensus is split.
“I think men are more likely to stay in an okay relationship and not look for another one for a long time. Eventually, if you’ve been with someone for a long time, it comes down to either ‘making the next step’ or breaking up with them. I think women will more actively look for ‘the love of their life’ and not settle so easily from the start.” –IvyInChains
“This implies that most marriages consist of a woman in love and a man who is comfortable. No wonder there are so many divorces.” –Funny247365
“I hate to admit it, because it’s the painful truth, but I think you might be right. Once the woman’s love hits the reality of career, kids, and chores, it’s very hard for a woman to keep her love the same when she can feel deep down that the man is just kind of there.” –Blue-Phoenix23
Meanwhile, some believe men can become motivated by love to pursue a more stable lifestyle.
“It might be true for some. Others, I think, get inspired by the love of their lives and become stable in order to be in a position to marry her.” –Polite_Bark
“Yup. My fiancé’s decisions over the past couple of years have been for both of us to have a good life and future. I’ve never seen anyone behave that way for me until him, and I don’t really know what to do with it other than keep his trust and love the [heck] out of him and do my best.” –West-Application-375
“100% this. I’m divorced now, but I worked my [butt] off to become stable enough to marry my ex-wife. I thought she was the love of my life, but, in the end, I guess she didn’t feel the same way about me. During our marriage, she was the inspiration for all of my hard work.” –Clean-Possibility625
Personal views on marriage also come into play, along with societal expectations of “settling down” by a certain age.
“Like all these questions, the answer is true for some, but not true for others. A lot of people view marriage more as a job and less like a relationship. So yeah, I see how a lot of people just get married to the next available person when they reach a certain age because they feel like they should be married.” –Gotham777
Many people even admitted to regretting marrying the love of their life, which calls into question just how much weight passion should hold in a relationship.
“I married the love of my life. It was a catastrophic mistake. Sometimes, the girl of your dreams is meant to stay in your dreams.” –Adventurous_Fact8418
“I married the loves of my life. They are all gone now. I have known of many people who married just for stability, though, both men and women.” –Rivas-Al-Yehuda
Perhaps that’s why one person thinks marrying for stability is balanced advice for everyone, regardless of gender.
“Early relationships often feel uniquely intense because they hit at a time of high novelty, identity formation, and emotional inexperience. That intensity can produce extreme highs and lows that feel unforgettable, even if the relationship itself wasn’t healthy or stable.
As people grow, their capacity for stable attachment usually improves. A later relationship can be calmer, more reciprocal, and more respectful while still being deeply loving. This kind of partnership tends to produce better long-term outcomes than relationships built on volatility and emotional spikes.
It’s normal for someone to say that a first love was unmatched in intensity and still feel that their current relationship is healthier, more secure, and more fulfilling. Intensity and quality are not the same thing. The emotional rollercoaster of young love is common; the steady connection of a mature partnership is what actually sustains people over time.” –First_last_last_firs
Others agree that saying “I do” to your best friend is ultimately the best recipe for relationship success.
“Honestly, I think being friends with your spouse is a big part of a healthy marriage. Romance is great, but being able to share space and enjoy each other’s company and companionship is so important to a healthy, stable relationship.
Sometimes, I sit there cracking jokes, laughing like a [jerk] with my spouse in bed, and think of how strange it would be to only ever have a romantic or mutual stability-based relationship. Bums me out to think about, to be honest, and makes me really appreciate what I have.” –Phone_games_act
What’s your take? Might both men and women get married for all sorts of reasons, from lust to laughter to steadiness? Is a combination ideal, or can marriages be fulfilling without all three? Let us know on Facebook!
