5 Things to Say to a Friend Who Can’t Conceive, and One to Avoid
Babies, babies, babies! They’re everywhere. They’re all over your Facebook page, starring in picture after picture on Instagram and even in the news (with celebs such as Mila Kunis and Blake Lively sporting belly bumps and their newborns all over the Internet). Now imagine that you’re ultra-ready to have a baby — but, you’re having trouble. All of those babies are suddenly taunting you. Maybe that’s how your friend who can’t conceive feels. Spread the love, cheer her up and check out these sunny-side-up sayings that might just help out your not-yet-prego BFF.
1. “I’m here for you.” Does she want to talk about it or not? The fact is, you don’t know. That said, she still needs to know that you’re there for her — whether she wants to dig deep into her feelings, needs a hug from someone who cares or simply wants to take her mind off conception with a completely shallow conversation debating the various merits of each of the Hemsworths.
2. “Wanna go out?” Sitting at home watching a parade of mommies with jogging strollers pass by isn’t going to magically make your friend feel better. Instead of leaving her stuck at home with her own worry (which is so completely understandable), break her out of her little cocoon and have a GNO. If she says “no,” don’t push. But, you can gently remind her that, when she does get pregnant, she’ll have nine months to nix late-night bar crawls or post-work wine-down Wednesdays. So, why not take advantage right now?
3. “Don’t worry about me (or anyone else for that matter).” She’s selfless, and right now your friend is tiptoeing around her own feelings so she doesn’t make you feel like a troll. Or, maybe instead of dealing with what’s going on in her life, she’s masking it by jumping full-force into *your* problems. Whether she refuses to talk about her infertility issues because you’re pregnant or she’s passing the focus onto someone else, give your friend a pass on over-caring. It’s time for her to take care of herself!
4. “I’ll take you to your appointment if you want.” Infertility often equals multiple trips to the doctor’s office. There are tests, exams, treatments and all kinds of medical must-dos on the road to conception. While your friend’s honey is happy to go with her, sometimes he can’t get out of work, has to be out of town or just can’t sit through yet another specialist appointment. Offer to drive your friend to an appointment or two. You can hang in the waiting room or ask if she’d like you to come in for some hand-holding.
5. “You’ll get through this.” No matter what the outcome is, life goes on. Right now, your friend needs to see that she has a future — whether she has a baby or not. Tell her she’s strong. Tell her she’s brave. Tell her she’s fierce. And, above all, tell her that she can and will make it through this challenging time.
But, stop yourself from saying…
“I know you’ll get pregnant.” Um, you don’t know this. Sure, she might get pregnant. Plenty of women who have fertility issues, multiple miscarriages or other pregnancy-related problems do go on to conceive and carry healthy babies to term. But, that’s not always the case. While you don’t want to be a Debbie Downer, you also don’t want to boost your friend up on the promise of false hope. Unless you have a working crystal ball, leave the will-she, won’t-she get pregnant advice up to the medical professionals.
How did you help your friend who was struggling to conceive? Share your tips and tweet us @BritandCo !
(Photos via Getty)
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