There鈥檚 a lot of general advice out there about how to make a marriage fairy-tale perfect, but what about the specific, day-to-day behaviors that make a relationship work? Millennials are great at marriage, but we still have plenty to learn from the experts. We turned to 11 relationship pros for suggestions about behaviors and habits that can make life sweet after 鈥淚 do鈥 鈥 for years to come!

1. Take the time to ask questions. Be proactive about asking your spouse if there鈥檚 anything you can do to help them on a given day 鈥 even if you鈥檙e worried they鈥檒l say 鈥測es鈥 and add another five items to your to-do list. Similarly, if you鈥檙e picking up signals that your significant other isn鈥檛 totally on their game, make sure they know that you notice their behavior and that their happiness (or unhappiness!) matters to you. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e about to sit down and watch your favorite show and you notice that your S.O. is sad or preoccupied, stop and ask them what鈥檚 up, even if you鈥檙e dreading that what they might say may take an hour [to discuss],鈥 says licensed psychologist Erika Martinez. Asking the question can go a long way!

2. Don鈥檛 go to bed angry. You鈥檝e probably heard this one about a million times, but experts says that it鈥檚 actually important to a healthy relationship. According to author and married millennial Danny Zoucha, science has proven that heart waves (like brain waves) can travel as far as 15 feet. 鈥淗ow close do you sleep together, again?鈥 he says. 鈥淚f your heart is distressed, angry, sad鈥 you鈥檙e not only influencing your own night鈥檚 sleep, but [your spouse鈥檚] as well, setting up your next day for disaster. It鈥檚 better to stay up all night sorting it out than do that to yourself.鈥

3. Know when it鈥檚 time to end an argument. We all know how good it feels to be the one who鈥檚 鈥渞ight鈥 in a fight, but let鈥檚 be honest 鈥 it鈥檚 way more important that the fight ends with the relationship intact. Certified counselor Jonathan Bennett advises that arguments should be wrapped up within 30 to 45 minutes whenever possible. 鈥淏y drawing out apologies and the opening of communication, you鈥檙e also drawing out the resentment, stress, and anger,鈥 he says. 鈥淓ven if both sides have to give a little bit and stop being stubborn, communicating and resolving an argument in a reasonable time is ideal.鈥

4. Set healthy boundaries with your other loved ones. You love your parents, in-laws, siblings, and kids, but for the health of your marriage, it鈥檚 crucial that these other special people in your life aren鈥檛 too involved in your relationship with your spouse. Kimberly Hershenson, a New York City-based therapist who specializes in relationships, notes that fights and sex within your marriage are two topics that should not be discussed with others.

5. Keep compliments specific. Hey, it鈥檚 nice to get any kind of compliment, but the truth is that all kind words aren鈥檛 quite created equal. The more specific you can get with your spouse, the more special he or she will feel. 鈥淪aying 鈥榊ou look pretty鈥 is good鈥 saying 鈥楾hat dress brings out your gorgeous eyes鈥 is better,鈥 says marriage therapist Caroline Madden. 鈥淟ikewise, saying 鈥楾hanks for staining the deck鈥 is good, but saying 鈥楾he deck looks fabulous. Thank you for working so hard in the sun all day鈥 is better.鈥 Madden also emphasizes the importance of learning to gracefully accept the compliments that your spouse gives you (hint: A smile and a thank you is all it takes).

6. Hold a weekly meeting. Certified life and wellness coach Dani Faust says that her number one piece of advice to married millennials and moms is to make couples鈥 meetings part of the weekly routine. Set aside a regular time for these meetings so that you and your partner can both prioritize it among your other commitments, and prepare for each discussion by creating a list of positives (鈥済ratefuls鈥) and negatives (or challenges) from the week before. Share your lists, and start the meeting by addressing the challenges, as well as how to overcome them. End the meeting on a positive note by talking about your 鈥済ratefuls,鈥 and close the meeting with physical touch. 鈥淒oing this each week forces you together to look at the marriage and hear the other person鈥檚 point of view in a non-accusatory way,鈥 Faust says. 鈥淚t is bookended with positivity to keep the mood collaborative and loving.鈥

7. Learn something new every day. If you鈥檝e said 鈥淚 do,鈥 you might be convinced that you already know everything there is to learn about your spouse, but you could be wrong! Married millennial Tyler Turk 鈥 founder of the date-night subscription box Crated With Love 鈥 thinks you probably are, and suggests taking a moment every night before bed to share with your partner one new thing you learned about them during the day. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 need to be something huge or epiphanic 鈥 just something new you discovered about your spouse,鈥 he says. 鈥淓very day you do this, you are getting closer to your partner, while getting to know them on a deeper level.鈥

8. Stop trying to read minds. 鈥淚f you are worried or unsure about something in the relationship, don鈥檛 try to read into the situation, but rather ask your partner about it,鈥 says psychologist, author, and coach Jenev Caddell. 鈥淭heir reality is often much different than what you may be imagining, so give them the chance to share it with you.鈥 Stop testing your mind-reading powers and address conversations in your marriage head-on.

9. Do what your S.O. wants to do. This may sound pretty straightforward, but many of us don鈥檛 do it nearly enough. 鈥淚f your partner enjoys something that isn鈥檛 necessarily your favorite, do it anyway,鈥 says blogger and millennial wife Lauren Hamilton. 鈥淲hat are you losing by doing something that makes your partner genuinely happy?鈥

10. Be more emotionally present. What does it mean to be totally emotionally available? 鈥淵ou need to not check your phone, make good eye contact, and be focused and present during a discussion,鈥 says therapist Rhonda Milrad, who works as Chief Relationship Adviser for Your Sage. 鈥淭his type of connection results in your partner feeling loved, accepted, and respected by you.鈥 Set your phone aside and get ready to see what happens when your S.O. really feels like a priority.

11. Go to bed at the same time. You may be a night owl, while your spouse prefers an earlier bedtime, but for the sake of your marriage, it鈥檚 best to get under the covers at the same time. Work schedules and other commitments may get in the way, but do what you can to align your routines whenever possible. 鈥淜nock off social media, TV, or catching up on paperwork so you can go to bed together 鈥 and [don鈥檛 wait to get into bed] until you鈥檙e exhausted,鈥 says relationship expert Daphna Levy. 鈥淭his nurtures communication and can help your sex life.鈥

What specific things do you and your spouse do to keep your marriage happy and healthy? Tweet us @BritandCo!

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