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Let’s dive into the newest 3-6-9 dating rule, which is helping couples across the globe determine if their current romance is the real deal. How do you know if you’ve met the one?
It’s often not till several months (or even years) down the road that you can properly assess whether your current beau is your forever partner.
That’s precisely where the 3-6-9 dating rule comes into play. It helps couples take time to reflect on their relationship issues and weigh the pros and cons every few months to determine whether the romance will work in the long term. Let’s analyze the different stages of a relationship and how they can help you gain a clearer understanding of your long-term goals.
What is the 3-6-9 relationship rule?
Photo by J Carter
Honeymoon Stage - First Three Months
During this period, most couples are in their own little love bubble, where they’re under the strong impression that nothing can tear this relationship apart. It’s when both partners are still trying to win one another over, so everyone’s on their best behavior. You still go out on fancy date nights, and you still put on that fire-red lipstick that you know he loves so much. Everyone’s essentially struck by Cupid’s arrow to the nth degree.
Photo by Viktoria Slowikowska
Conflict Stage - Post Three-Month Period
Things may be settling into more of a relationship — less formal dating and more simply spending time together. You’ve found your rhythm, and you’re more comfortable bringing up issues when they arise. But you might also notice he doesn’t compliment you the way he did at the beginning. At times, he can even seem dismissive.
Meanwhile, you start wondering if he’d rather spend hours playing video games with his friends than investing in quality time with you. The shift leaves you feeling hurt, neglected, and honestly a little duped, because he’s not quite the person who once swept you off your feet.
Sure, there are still occasional bursts of affection, but overall, this isn’t what you signed up for. Every relationship has conflict; the real question is whether you’re spending more time fighting than actually enjoying each other’s company.
Photo by Randy Kinne on Unsplash
Moment Of Truth Stage - Six to Nine Months Later
After a period when your partner is on his best behavior, you may notice a lull around the six- to nine-month mark. Suddenly, old habits resurface. Maybe he forgets your dinner plans because he’s deep into a Call of Duty marathon with the boys.
When you bring it up and express how hurt you feel, pay close attention to his response. Does he shut down and get defensive — or does he actually listen, take accountability, and try to respect your needs? While it’s up to you to clearly communicate what you want, a partner who can’t meet those needs in a reasonable, consistent way may not be the right fit.
This is the moment of truth. Do you stay, believing it’s something you can work through together? Or is it time to gently close the curtain on the romance?
The answer will look different for everyone, depending on countless factors. But the most important question remains: What do you want? The 3-6-9 rule can be a helpful framework for assessing both your relationship, and whether it truly meets your long-term needs.
