Stalking Your Ex on Social Media Is Normal, But You Seriously Need to Stop

Julia Malacoff
May 15, 2017

It’s just a fact of life: Breakups totally suck, especially when it comes to your mental health. Lots of people opt for a clean break, which is a super smart idea. But even if you’re not talking to your ex, you might still be friends with them on Facebook or Instagram. After all, most of us are pretty addicted to social media. And while we all like to think that we can resist the temptation to virtually catch up on everything going on in our ex-boo’s life, that’s often not the case. That’s why we decided to check in with relationship experts about why social media stalking your ex is so hard to quit, plus how to stop ASAP.

The Reason You Do It

In short, the desire to check up on your ex is absolutely normal. “Long before the existence of social media, people stalked their exes,” explains Toni Coleman, LCSW, who’s a relationship coach and divorce mediator. “Back then, this was done by driving past their residence or calling on the phone and then hanging up when the person answered to see if they were home and/or someone else was there.” While some people still do things like this, cyber-stalking someone’s social media profiles is way easier and WAY more tempting, probably because you don’t even have to leave the house to do it. All you have to do is pull up their profile on your phone and you’re good to go.

Even though all of these behaviors tend to make people feel worse, they “do it because of a compulsion to know, even if part of them doesn’t want to,” Coleman says. In the end, it’s a response to the loss and grief of losing your relationship — even if you’re the one who wanted to call it quits.

Why You Should Stop

Though social media stalking is normal, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy. “From a mental health perspective, you shouldn’t keep tabs on your ex via social media because you can’t have a genuine, clean break and really move forward while you’re still staying in your ex’s life, even if it is remotely through social media,” says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychologist who specializes in self-esteem and relationships. “As I tell my clients, social stalking is like taking the scab off of the wound that’s starting to heal from the breakup and then having to start the healing process all over again.” In other words, it creates a vicious cycle that becomes more and more frustrating and hurtful as time goes on. Ugh.

Thomas also brings up that being too connected to your ex can deter any efforts you’re making to meet someone new.” You might be comparing every new prospect with your ex since you’re keeping some aspect of your ex and that relationship alive,” she says. Not to mention the impulse to compare where you are in your life with where they are. “Social media frequently can be positively slanted in a way in which people post just the good things happening in their lives rather providing the whole picture. As a result, you can feel quite demoralized and bad about yourself in comparison to what your ex may be posting online.” Yikes!

How to Cut The Cord

If this is all sounding a little too familiar, don’t worry. There are several strategies you can use to help yourself from checking in on your ex and, in the process, feel much better. First up, “Tell as many family and friends as possible about your plan so that you are accountable to these people and to yourself,” suggests Thomas. “I also advise my clients to have a go-to list of what to do instead when the temptation hits them to look at an ex’s information on social media. These can include exercising, watching a funny movie, or listening to your favorite uplifting music.” She also says reaching out to those same family and friends instead of turning to social media can be helpful.

Another strategy? “Cut down on your overall use of social media for a while,” recommends Coleman. If you only check your social channels once or twice a day, it will be less tempting to spend that time looking at your ex’s profiles. “Tell yourself there is someone out there that is that right someone and you just haven’t met him or her yet and will not if you hang onto what is gone and wasn’t good for you,” Coleman affirms. She’s definitely got a point.

Have you ever social media stalked an ex? Good decision or bad decision? Tell us about it @BritandCo!

(Photos via Getty)

5 Doubts You Might Have After Moving In Together — And How to Deal With Them

You and your significant other have decided to move in together. You're picking out a new sofa and dreaming about how amazing it will be to cook breakfast together every Saturday morning. In the weeks after the move-in, it's likely to feel pretty idyllic. You're awash in the honeymoon period, so thrilled to be sharing a home that nothing can shake you. But then things get a little dicey.

A few weeks or months after you've moved in together, you may start to question things. And that's perfectly normal. You've just taken a major step in your relationship, and growing pains are totally real, so don't let your doubts derail your future plans with your S.O. Experts say these five doubts are especially common. Here's how to deal.

1. Is Our Relationship Moving at the "Right" Pace?

Photo by Pexels/Vera Arsic

“After moving in together, many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship," licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says. “Each partner may experience uncertainty about their own or their partner's timing and may suffer if they relate their partner's faster pace to being pushed or their partner's slower pace to feeling unappreciated or undervalued." Once you're sharing a space with your S.O. 24/7, you may be more sensitive than ever to the fact that you're not on the same page about things like engagement, in-laws, children, and more. If you're experiencing doubt about how — and how quickly — your relationship is moving forward, start talking about it with bae ASAP. See if you can recalibrate your expectations and open up communication.

2. How Should We Be Handling Our Finances?

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There are plenty of romantic elements about moving in with a partner, but money is also at play… and that's not so romantic. If you and your significant other didn't have an extensive conversation about finances before the move-in actually happened, you may be finding that your new roomie has financial habits that make you feel uncomfortable now that you're sharing bills. Certified mental health professional and relationship expert from Maple Holistics Adina Mahalli suggests seeking outside help when possible for this kind of issue. Sign up for a financial management class together to help put those doubts at ease. If that's not doable for you, try setting up a very clear budget so you can get back on the same page.

3. Can I Handle These Quirks Full-Time?

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In the glow of a new relationship, your sweetie's idiosyncrasies may seem more cute than annoying. But when you're dealing with them front and center, day in and day out? Maybe not so much. “Once you move in together, your rose-colored glasses start to wear off and seemingly endearing traits become more irritating and harder to overlook," DatingScout dating expert Celia Schweyer notes. “Living together means you have to experience real life with your partner." Navigating those real-life annoyances while keeping your relationship strong requires communication and compromise, Schweyer says. Speak up (respectfully) about the habits that bother you, and come to the table with suggestions that will allow you and your partner to live in harmony without changing who you are. It's better than bottling up your frustration and becoming resentful.

4. What if We Start To Feel Like Roommates?

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If, after living together for a while, you and your S.O. start to feel less like romantic partners and more like, well, roomies, don't panic. It happens. But it may create some doubt. Matchmaker, relationship expert, and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon tells us that roommate syndrome can be solved by putting in some serious mutual work. Both of you will need to step up your game, communicate, and figure out how to get the dynamic back on track.

5. What If My Partner Starts to Hate My Quirks?

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Just as you might suddenly doubt your relationship because your significant other's quirks are on display full-time, you may start to get insecure about how they perceive your quirks. “You will become more relaxed in your own home and less willing or able to keep up a show," marriage coach and relationship expertLesli Doares says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can come as a surprise." Be open-minded about hearing your partner's feedback and don't shy away from trying to improve on some of the habits that cause issues.

RELATED: 7 Tips You Need to Know When Moving in With Your Significant Other

This post has been updated.

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Ryan Gosling Supports Eva Mendes "In All The Ways," And It Makes Us Love Him Even More

There are two things I know for sure: Ken loves Barbie, and Ryan Gosling loves Eva Mendes. The couple met on the movie set for The Place Beyond the Pines in 2011, and have created such a beautiful life together! Eva's just as excited for the Christmas remix of "I'm Just Ken" as we are, and Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes' constant support of one another is making us think back on all their cutest moments.

A Full Timeline Of Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes' Relationship

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August 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Meet During The Place Beyond The Pines

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes took a chance at romance after they played a couple in 2011's The Place Beyond The Pines. Once they were linked, they were seen walking around Disneyland "like a dating couple, [walking] very closely, holding hands and their arms touching side-by-side," according to a PEOPLE eyewitness.

Image via Matt Winkelmeyer/Getty Images for SXSW

November + December 2011 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Spend The Holidays Together

During Thanksgiving in 2011, Eva Mendes was filming Holly Motors in Paris, so Ryan Gosling took a trip to the City of Lights so they could spend the holiday together. They also ended up going on Funny or Die's Drunk History Christmas the next month to reenact a 21+ version of The Night Before Christmas *and* spent New Year's together!

Image via Sonia Recchia/Getty Images

September 7, 2012 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Attend The Toronto International Film Festival Together

To promote The Place Beyond the Pines, Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes spent a lot of time together on the TIFF red carpet. Years later in 2019, when Kelly Clarkson pulled up the picture, Eva couldn't help but gush over Ryan — especially since they hadn't announced they were dating at the time. “Oh my God, that’s so old," she says of the photo. "That’s literally me going, ‘I’m not in love with him. What? I’m not in love.’ ‘Cause we were trying to be very professional."

Image via Warner Bros. Pictures

May 2014 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Work Together On Lost River

Ryan and Eva reunited on a film set again for Lost River, which was both Ryan's directorial debut and served as a semi-autobiographical story for him. "For me, it was crucial to work in this intimate, low-budget, small way, with people I had worked with before, because I feel like in my experience that’s where everyone was at their best," Ryan tells Sunday Style (via Mangalorean). "They know what is at stake for you personally, and all the work that’s gone into getting there."

Eva also told her Instagram followers in a since-deleted postthat Lost River is the project she's most proud of. "There was one film I'm extra proud to be a part of," she said. "A dark fairy tale. A magical fantasy. To all the struggling single mothers, to all of us in cities that feel like they're burning down or flooding around us, to everyone fighting for the ones they love, this was a good one."

Image via Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

September 12, 2014 — Eva Mendes Gives Birth To Their First Child

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes welcomed Esmerelda Amada Gosling into the world in September of 2014. Eva later said that she didn't even want kids until she got together with Ryan. "I was lucky enough to work my bum off for 20 years," she tells Nova 96.9's Fitzy & Wippa (via PEOPLE). "I never wanted babies before until I fell in love with Ryan, and it kind of worked out to where I was 40 and having my first baby. I think I was 42 for the second one, so it worked out in that way that I had a career and then I change my focus to my family."

Ryan also went on to tell GQ in 2023 that he was in a similar place before meeting Eva. "I wasn’t thinking about kids before I met her, but after I met Eva, I realized that I just didn’t want to have kids without her," he says. "And there were moments on The Place Beyond the Pines where we were pretending to be a family, and I didn’t really want it to be pretend anymore." I could cry!!

Image via Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images

December 7, 2015 — Ryan Gosling Gives A Rare Interview About His Relationship

While Ryan and Eva have kept their relationship very private, he told Hello! that "I know that I'm with the person I'm supposed to be with" and that literally the only quality he looks for in a woman is "That she's Eva Mendes. There's nothing else I'm looking for." Swoon!

Image via Brad Barket/Getty Images

April 29, 2016 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Have Their Second Child

Eva Mendes gave birth to her and Ryan's second baby, a daughter named Amada Lee Gosling, in April 2016 — after keeping the pregnancy a secret until it was almost time to deliver! Amada is named after Eva's grandma.

Image via Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

January 8, 2017 — Ryan Gosling Dedicates His La La Land Golden Globe To Eva Mendes' Brother

While accepting his Golden Globe for Best Performance in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy, Ryan Gosling made sure to let the world know just how much of a role Eva had played in the process. “I would like to try and thank one person properly, and say that while I was singing and dancing and playing piano,” he says in his speech, “my lady was raising our daughter, pregnant with our second and trying to help her brother with his battle with cancer.”

Eva's brother, Juan Carlos Mendes, had passed away the previous April and Ryan took the opportunity to dedicate the award to him.

Image via Dominique Charriau/Getty Images

February 12, 2020 — Eva Mendes Reveals Ryan Gosling Is A Great Cook

When an Instagram account asked what Eva and Ryan liked to cook, Eva revealed just how amazing Ryan is with food. "Ryan is an amazing chef AND baker," she says in her reply. "For reals. Incredible. No joke. I'm not sure that what I do is cooking. It's more like steaming veggies and juicing and making rice. He really cooks. I survive." Can I get Ryan Gosling to make me a meal sometime?

Image via Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

January 1, 2022 — Ryan Gosling Shares About Their Quarantine Life

“Time, in general, is something I think about a lot now. My kids are growing up so fast I need to keep an eye on the clock in a way I never used to,” Ryan Gosling tells GQ. “I feel like I need more time to process [how much the pandemic played into that]. But [Eva and I] have two kids, so we spend a lot of our time trying to keep them entertained.”

While they enjoyed their time together, Ryan's also candid about the effect of lockdown on their children: “Our kids were at a difficult age not to be able to see other kids and interact with people, even though Eva and I did our best.”

Image via Jaap Buitendijk/Warner Bros. Pictures.

June 2022 — Eva Mendes Embraces The Kenergy

When the world went crazy for every bit of Barbie news, so did Eva Mendes. "So. F. Funny," she says in an Instagram caption sharing the first look at Ryan Gosling's Ken. "So. F. Good. So F excited for you to see this…#Thatsmyken."

"It's a funny photo and he's trying to be funny, so it worked on all levels," she goes on to say on The Talk. "But when I saw it, when he sent it to me from work, I was like, 'Can I please have that underwear? Please, I never ask for anything'...So, anyway, I do have it. I'm wearing it right now."

Via Eva Mendes/Instagram

November 2022 — Eva Mendes Begins Dropping Hints She Married Ryan Gosling

When Eva showed off a new tattoo on her wrist in November of 2022 on Instagram, fans immediately began dissecting its meaning. The tattoo, which reads "de Gosling" (which is similar to Mrs. Gosling) could mean that Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are actually married! She went on to tell Today in Australia (via DailyMail) that "Everyone is so welcoming here and my husband Ryan is here, and we are having the best time." 👀

Image via Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for SiriusXM

August 9, 2023 — Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Love Family Time

In the midst of crazy release schedules and commitments (not to mention the actors' strike), Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes always prioritize their family life. "When they are not working, they are all about their girls," a source tells People. "Ryan is such a fun dad. He is goofy and his girls love it." The source continues by saying the family loves to go to the beach or the desert (same TBH).

Image via Warner Bros Pictures.

December 18, 2023 — Eva Mendes Can't Wait For The "I'm Just Ken" Christmas Remix

If the original version of "I'm Just Ken" wasn't good enough, Ryan Gosling is blessing us with a Christmas remix — and Eva Mendes is just as excited as we are. "Ken not wait for this," she says in an Instagram caption.

Image via Jeff Spicer/Getty Images for Warner Bros.

January 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Mentions His Family During His Acceptance Speech

At the 2024 Santa Barbra International Film Festival, Ryan Gosling won the Kirk Douglas Award for Excellence in Film — and he totally deserves it! With a career that includes iconic films like La La Land and Barbie, as well as The Notebook, Blade Runner 2049, and Crazy Stupid Love, all kinds of film lovers have gotten to see Ryan's work onscreen. During his acceptance speech, Ryan got choked up talking about how acting allowed him to meet "the girl of [his] dreams."

"I dreamed of one day making movies and now movies have made my life a dream," he says in his speech. "So the way I see it, there's no way I have contributed half as much to cinema as cinema's contributed to me."

Image via Jaap Buitendijk/Warner Bros. Entertainment

January 24, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscar Nomination

After the Oscar nominations were announced January 23, Eva Mendes took to Instagram to celebrate Ryan Gosling's nomination for Best Supporting Actor. "So proud of my man. So much hate when he took on this role," she says alongside screenshots of the first (very negative) reviews of his casting. "So many people trying to shame him for doing it. Despite all the #Notmyken ridicule and articles written about him, he created this completely original, hilarious, heartbreaking, now iconic character and took it all the way to Oscars. So beyond proud to be this Ken’s Barbie."

Image via Caroline McCredie/Getty Image

February 22, 2014 - Eva Mendes Announces Upcoming Children's Book

Yesterday Eva Mendes shared with People that she's penned a children's book named Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worries that'll debut September 17. It's all about a little girl who's always worried that her scary brain is the real monster she's afraid of at night. Through gentle reminders, Desi's mom helps her understand that being afraid is normal and teaches her how not to let scary thoughts control her.

Eva Mendes told People the books is like "a love letter to my kids and yours" because "...Learning how to train our brain to work for us and not against us is easier said than done!" Since we know racing thoughts doesn't just affect adults, we love that Eva is finding a way to share some of her parenting tips with other parents.

Pre-Order Eva Mendes' Children's Book:

Desi, Mami, and the Never-Ending Worriesby Eva Mendes

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

March 10, 2024 — Eva Mendes Celebrates Ryan Gosling's Oscars Performance

Eva Mendes celebrated the Oscars on March 10 with a post highlighting Ryan Gosling's performance, and his entire run as Ken! "You took Ken all the way to the Oscar’s, RG," she says on Instagram. "Now come home, we need to put the kids to bed."

We love the way this couple can have fun with each other — and highlight how much teamwork parenthood requires!

Image via Kevin Winter/Getty Images

March 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Details How Eva Mendes And Their Daughters Helped Him Prepare For His Oscars Performance

Leave it to Ryan Gosling not to take credit for his amazing Oscars performance. He gushed to People about how Eva Mendes and their daughters helped him make sure his Kenergy truly shined bright. "They are such a huge part of this for me...it was my girl's interest in Barbie and disinterest in Ken that got me into this in the first place. It was beautiful to have them there at the end," he said.

As we all saw, the unmistakable Kenergy was in full force and effect during the Oscars.

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

March 26, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says It Was A "No Brainer" To Stay Home With Her Kids

Deciding how to maintain a work-home balance when you have kids is something every parent thinks about, and it turns out that extends to celebs, too! After starring with Ryan Gosling in The Place Beyond The Pines, Eva Mendes decided it was a "no brainer" to stay home with their family since acting can take you all over the world, which the actress revealed in a recent episode of The Today Show. “It was almost just like a non-verbal agreement that it was like, ‘Ok, he’s going to work and I’m going to work, I’m just going to work here,'” she says. She also says she's “so lucky” to “have this time with [their] children.”

“I have never experienced anything like [working with Ryan Gosling]. The way he works, his commitment to his craft, how he wants to make everything as best as it can be, and that means making his co-stars as best as they can be,” she continues. “But unfortunately — or fortunately — there is only one Ryan!"

Image via Eva Mendes/Instagram

April 1, 2024 — Eva Mendes Says Her Daughters Make Everything Better

After losing her brother in 2016, Eva Mendes says she has a "complicated relationship" with the month of April — but that her daughters make it infinitely more bearable. "[April 2] would have been my brother’s birthday," she says on Instagram. "In a couple of weeks from now is the day we lost him…but then, the end of April we got the biggest blessing of all, my little girl was born 8 years ago. I hate you April. But I love you more."

Image via Will Heath/NBC

April 13, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Hosts SNL

During his latest stint hosting SNL, Ryan Gosling did a hilarious sketch about a man who picks up a Cuban accent after getting married to a Cuban woman. Eva Mendes was all over it! "Coño! My Cuban Papi made this Cuban Mami so happy with this!!" Eva wrote on Instagram. "Years of hanging out with my Dad paid off."

Image via Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

May 1, 2024 — Ryan Gosling Is The Ultimate Support System For Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes is not here for the mom-shamers. She told People (in honor of its 2024 Beautiful Issue) that staying home to focus on Ryan Gosling and her kids was the "easiest decision I've ever made" because she wanted to be there for their formative childhood years.

"When I was 40, it was a big deal for people when I was pregnant, and it wasn't for me," she says. "And then I was 42 and I was pregnant with my second one and people were like, 'Oh my God, you're going to be so tired. That's why people have kids in their 20s.' I was like, that's the most sorry, asinine thing I've ever heard."

"[Ryan supports me] in all the ways I need to be supported," she continues. "He's got me in all the ways."

Check back here for the latest news on Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes, and don't forget to read up on Taylor Swift And Travis Kelce's Relationship and Tom Holland and Zendaya. :)

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This post has been updated.

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Amanda Montell Knows You're Overthinking Because She Is Too

If Emma Watson's book clubwere still active, she'd definitely have one of Amanda Montell's books on her list. After all, she penned Wordslut and Cultish— two compelling titles about reclaiming the English language from a feminist's POV and understanding why TF cults exist. She's not afraid to be curious about human nature and even helps readers understand things in a way that's a far cry from mansplaining. Simply put: Amanda Montell is as relatable as she is clever.

Did we mention she's also got a natural sense of humor? It's like she knows how to engage with people without changing who she is and what she believes in — two very rare things in the age of social media. Had we known any better, we would've included her on our list of inspirational women to pay attention to last year. But, there's no time like the present to honor her brilliance and celebrate the debut of her third novel The Age of Magical Overthinking.

The title alone drew us in and made us want to get to the bottom of our own battle with overthinking. It's partially why Amanda Montell wrote about it. Her other reason? Well, she's got a close relationship with overanalyzing things too. What better way to understand your own habit than to write about it and share your findings with the public?

Just think of her as your new bestie who's just as happy to talk about summer bucket lists as she is to break down things like cognitive bias or the halo effect 😉.

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

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This interview has been condensed for clarity.

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A "Verity" Movie Is Officially On Its Way

Thanks to Challengers and The Watchers, I can already tell 2024 is going to be a year of shocking movies (and shockingly good movies), and that trend is going to continue thanks to Verity & Colleen Hoover. While It Ends With Us might be the most popular Colleen Hoover book, Verity is arguably the craziest, and The Hollywood Reporter just confirmed that a movie is officially in development! While we wait for more news, browse the Colleen Hoover merch you can wear to opening night ;).

Is there a movie about the book Verity?

Image via Amazon

Yes, a movie based on Colleen Hoover's Verity is officially on the way! The movie's in development at Amazon MGM Studios (the studio behind Florence Pugh's A Good Person and Zendaya's Challengers). Hillary Seitz is currently writing the script for the film, and Eat the Cat's Nick Antosca and Alex Hedlund are producing.

What is Verity about?

Image via Vlada Karpovich/Pexels

In Verity by Colleen Hoover, Lowen Ashleigh is a writer struggling to make ends meet. That is, until she's offered the job of a lifetime by Jeremy, husband to the ultimate it-girl author, Verity Crawford. The thriller writer is no longer able to finish the remaining books in her series, and Jeremy wants Lowen to pick up where she left off. While Lowen is over the moon to step in (both into the job and their huge family estate), a secret manuscript and family secrets lead Lowen to realize Verity's hiding a lot more than she's letting on. B+C editor Haley Sprankle says this is one of the craziest books she's ever read, and I know this is definitely going to be one of the craziest movies we've seen!

Who's in the Verity cast?

Image via Mike Coppola/Jon Kopaloff/Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images

Since the movie is just now in development, we don't have an official Verity cast list yet. But considering It Ends With Us is starring beloved actors like Blake Lively, Justin Baldoni, and Jenny Slate, I'm confident the cast of Verity will feature some incredible names.

Popular fancasts for Verity include You's Victoria Pedretti or The White Lotus' Alexandra Diddario as Lowen, Rosamund Pike or Margot Robbie as Verity, and Shia LaBeouf or Theo James as Jeremy. Without a doubt, the cast of Verity needs to be warm and welcoming at first glance, but also have an unexpected edge that reveals itself as we move through the story.

One Reddit user points out that the characters need to offer "just toxicity but also feigned innocence," and each of these actors do exactly that, which makes them incredible picks for the movie. If Blake wasn't already in It Ends With Us, I know she'd do a great job because she proved her thriller acting chops in A Simple Favor!

When did Verity come out?

Image via Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for TIME

Colleen Hoover self-published Verity in 2018, and in 2021, the book was acquired by Grand Central Publishing. It sold more than one million copies in 2023, and has more than 340 thousand Amazon ratings and over two million Goodreads ratings. Talk about a hit!

What movie is similar to the book Verity?

Image via Lionsgate

If you love thriller books like Verity, then I'd recommend checking out other relationship-centric thrillers like Gone Girl, Rebecca, and A Simple Favor. For period drama fans, I cannot recommend Will Poulter and Lucy Boynton's Why Didn't They Ask Evans enough!

Follow us on TikTok and YouTube for the latest entertainment updates, and check back here for new info on Verity & Colleen Hoover's other books!

Lead image via Amazon.

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Your Perfect Pair Of New Balance Sneakers, Based On Your Vibes

Personal style is personal for a reason. Whatever you wear is a complete reflection of who you are, and this is especially true for what shoes you slip into every day. Everyone’s got their go-to sandals, but sneakers are an entirely different game, I tell ya.

If your fave footwear brand is New Balance and you just so happen to be in the market for some squeaky-clean sneaks, I’ve basically done all the research for you to help you find your perfect pair. This list of the most popular New Balance sneakers details not only each style’s practicality, but their personality, too.

Ahead, find your perfect New Balance sneakers – based on your vibes!

New Balance 9060: The ‘Fit Flexer

If you just can’t resist dressing to the nines every single day, the New Balance 9060s will fit right into your fashionista flair.

These “proudly futuristic” New Balance sneakers deliver on Y2K aesthetics beyond compare. The wider base is reminiscent of Nike Shox – very tech-y and otherworldly. The upper part is made from mesh and suede, supplying a super elevated vibe.

The white and cream white coloration is so easy to pair with most every ‘fit. They’ll match with cargo pants, vintage jeans, or even mini skirts and denim shorts.

Reviewers of the New Balance 9060 are glad they invested in this $150 shoe because it's so versatile.

One reviewer toted the 9060’s for fitting into “all aspects” of their lifestyle. Another said that the arch supports “unreal,” so though they’re more fashion-forward than other New Balance kicks, they’re still uber-comfortable for a range of activities.

New Balance 990: The Thrift Shopper

The New Balance 990s are straight-up dad sneakers to the core, so if you gravitate towards the thrift store (or all things vintage-y), you’ll find that they go swimmingly with most outfits and will stand up to long thrift trips.

While they were originally manufactured for running (and they still are), the 990s scream streetwear to me. They appear more elevated than your average athletic running shoe, thanks to the smooth pigskin and fine mesh.

The inside is fitted with a bouncy FuelCell midsole cushioning, and the shoe is available in 4 different widths. The range!

The New Balance 990s are very similar to the New Balance 993s, which is less performance-based.

New Balance 574 Core: The Weekend Warrior

Whether you're hitting the club or the farmer’s market on the weekends, you want to be comfortable (I mean, who doesn't?). The New Balance 574 Cores are made for the weekend warriors.

New Balance describes this signature shoe as “uncomplicated, rugged, durable, and comfortable.”

Though the 574s are pretty basic, they’re earned themselves icon status. You’re sure to see at least one pair when you go out.

The outer layer is made from suede and mesh materials dotted with 100% recycled polyester details.

New Balance 550: The Sneakerhead

These New Balance sneakers aren’t just black and white. They’re “sea salt” with “gray matter” and “magnet.” So yeah, if you consider yourself overly particular about your sneakers, the New Balance 550s are the shoe for you.

These were revived from the late 80’s and early 90’s then re-released full-time in 2021, and they’ve been a modern fan-favorite ever since.

The flatter soles on these sneaks mean they’re not as practical for running or walking long distances, but since they have a history with basketball, you might be able to rock ‘em on the court. More than anything, they definitely give basketball vibes, which is perfect for any streetwear ensemble.

The mixed materials and chunky approach to the classic New Balance logo give these an unmistakable air.

According to New Balance, these best fit people with an average arch height. The thick sole and cushy ankle padding work the hardest to support your feet, rather than an arched insole.

New Balance 530: The Gym-Goer

The New Balance 530s are giving Erewhon baddie. They’re giving I drink smoothies for breakfast. They’re giving I live and breathe pilates.

The stark white colorway of these sneakers reminds me of the clean girl aesthetic, and they’re so pretty, you may have a hard time getting them dirty.

Though very stylish on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts with the New Balance 530s. They’re fitted with an ample midsole section that cushions and compresses your step.

New Balance Fresh Foam: The 10K Steps A Day-er

For the more athletic among us (hello, hot girl walks!), the New Balance Fresh Foam sneakers are the way to go. They’re designed especially for walking and running, so you can count on them to be comfy.

They have an extra-soft cushioning for a cozy step, and every aspect of the footbed is intended to stabilize the foot.

This shoe especially supports walkers or runners with the tendency to step heel first, a bonus co-signed by the American Podiatric Medical Association – this pair received their Seal of Acceptance.

The upper part of the shoe is made of mesh, so it’s highly breathable, even on hot days. They’re great for high arches, too!

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Images via New Balance.
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