3 Scientific Reasons Why Breakups Suck + How to Feel Better
There’s no getting around it: Breakups suck. While we try to find comfort in the fact that just about everyone goes through at least one (and by repeating T. Swift’s girl squad’s best breakup advice over and over in our heads), breaking up with your S.O. can still feel like the end of the world. Well, according to Dr. Mariana Bockarova, a relationship researcher at the University of Toronto, the reason why breakups are the worst is actually rooted in science. Here are the three scientific reasons why it’s so darn hard to move on and Mariana’s advice on how to feel better (no, breakup movies and ice cream not included).
THE HIGH OF FINDING TRUE LOVE
You’ve probably heard that falling in love is similar to addiction. When we fall head over heels for someone, our brains are flooded with neurochemicals designed to make us feel good. However, when the honeymoon period is over, those neurochemicals tend to settle down to a normal level. Yet when we eventually breakup, our brain jumps right back to the initial high of falling in love, as an evolutionary motivator to re-attach to our partner (ugh thanks, science). And if you’ve ever had your heart broken before, you know the pain of a broken heart is legit.
“When it comes to broken relationships, barring abuse, trauma or mental illness, one major hindrance to moving on is the romanticized belief that there can only be one ‘true love’ for us in the world,” says Mariana. So, when we split from our OTP, our brains go into overdrive trying to convince us to get back together with our S.O.
How to Cope: “If you hold romanticized beliefs, one way to start the healing process after a breakup is to acknowledge that if your former partner were indeed your soulmate, then he or she likely wouldn’t have dissolved the relationship,” Mariana suggests. It may not seem like much, but when you’re going through the thick of a breakup, this simple idea could really make a world of difference. That’s true even if you were the one to actually make the break (’cause you still did it for a really good reason, right?).
YOUR PERSONAL ATTACHMENT STYLE
We rarely think about it, but different people have different psychological attachment styles. “Of the three main ways in which we can attach to another person romantically, those with an anxious attachment style (about 21 percent of the population) tend to be more dependent on their partners during a relationship and experience the greatest difficulty moving on,” says Mariana.
How to Cope: If you have an anxious attachment style (find out which attachment style you have here), try busting out the tried and true getting-over-your-ex staples — deleting pics, reconnecting with old friends and avoiding their popular hangouts.
THE ZEIGARNIK EFFECT
The Zeigarnik Effect is simple: People remember incomplete tasks more strongly than completed tasks. This means that the unfinished business component of your relationship could be causing your brain to be obsessing over your past relationship.
How to Cope: Instead of holding onto something that no longer exists, Mariana suggests writing a final goodbye letter to your former partner and either sending it without expecting a response or just plain trashing it.
What’s the best breakup advice you’ve ever received? Tell us @BritandCo.
(Photos via Getty)
Pocket doors are so delightful in and of themselves. They appear when you need them, get tucked away when you don't, and make it easy to define rooms while keeping an open floor plan. Add to the pocket door a joyful patterned wallpaper surprise, and you will be sent right into fits of visual jubilation! Or something ;) Today we're sharing two simple and impactful pocket door makeovers that zhuzh up your space in a jiffy.
Anjelika Temple here, co-founder of Brit + Co and proud owner of several pocket doors! When I moved into my first real grown-up house a couple years ago, I knew I wanted to incorporate wallpaper so reached out to our friends at Chasing Paper to see how we might collaborate. It felt like a total lightbulb moment when I realized I could create a surprise pop of pattern on a couple sets of pocket doors.
Not only is it a whimsical way to bring color into a space, but the doors double as picture-perfect backdrops for all your SFH (selfies from home, obvs).
A few pro tips about install:
- Removable wallpaper is miraculously forgiving! You can take it on and off multiple times without it losing integrity (or mucking up your surface).
- I ordered this adhesive wallpaper installation kit with a squeegee and xacto knife and it worked super well. I also recommend a sharp pair of scissors for cutting longer lines.
- This is a two-person job! Get a friend, put on a playlist, and get ready to bond.
- Wild, organic patterns like Tally are great because it's challenging to spot any imperfections in pattern alignment; keep pattern choice in mind if you've got a lot of corners to match up. More geometric patterns and larger shapes leave less room for error (but are awesome in their own right!).
BATHROOM POCKET DOORS
In our primary bathroom, we chose the wallpaper pattern Tally, designed by Kelly Ventura, in White and Navy. In our space, the navy reads as a soft black, which is perfect for the space. It's easy to combine an ever-rotating collection of linens with the Tally pattern.
I love how the white trim becomes the perfect frame around this pocket door piece of art.
My favorite moment in this space is the fact that you actually get a third pop of pattern thanks to our serendipitously placed mirror!
And yes, this one works pretty darn well as a backdrop too ;)
LIVING ROOM DOUBLE DOORS
This set of doors is definitely a focal point of our home. It separates our living room from our primary bedroom which opens onto our backyard. The doors are pretty much always open, but when they're closed we wanted to evoke a fun, nature-inspired vibe. With that in mind, we selected the Lines and Moons pattern by Thimblepress in Green and Brown.
Earth mama vibes up in here! I love how the shapes and colors echo the ferns you see through the windows and the acorn wood details throughout the house.
Love this pattern moment, and xacto-ing out the door handle is def on the oddly satisfying DIY list.
For a pattern lover like me, I love that now I have this instant photo backdrop!
Thanks to Chasing Paper for providing these rolls of pure pattern amazingness. Head to chasingpaper.com to find our own favorites and start adding patterns to your home!
(Wallpaper wingwoman: Kayla Haykin; Photography: Kurt Andre)