Study Shows Women Are Still Judged for Not Taking Their Husband’s Name

1. Is Our Relationship Moving at the "Right" Pace?

“After moving in together, many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship," licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says. “Each partner may experience uncertainty about their own or their partner's timing and may suffer if they relate their partner's faster pace to being pushed or their partner's slower pace to feeling unappreciated or undervalued." Once you're sharing a space with your S.O. 24/7, you may be more sensitive than ever to the fact that you're not on the same page about things like engagement, in-laws, children, and more. If you're experiencing doubt about how — and how quickly — your relationship is moving forward, start talking about it with bae ASAP. See if you can recalibrate your expectations and open up communication.

2. How Should We Be Handling Our Finances?

There are plenty of romantic elements about moving in with a partner, but money is also at play… and that's not so romantic. If you and your significant other didn't have an extensive conversation about finances before the move-in actually happened, you may be finding that your new roomie has financial habits that make you feel uncomfortable now that you're sharing bills. Certified mental health professional and relationship expert from Maple Holistics Adina Mahalli suggests seeking outside help when possible for this kind of issue. Sign up for a financial management class together to help put those doubts at ease. If that's not doable for you, try setting up a very clear budget so you can get back on the same page.

3. Can I Handle These Quirks Full-Time?

In the glow of a new relationship, your sweetie's idiosyncrasies may seem more cute than annoying. But when you're dealing with them front and center, day in and day out? Maybe not so much. “Once you move in together, your rose-colored glasses start to wear off and seemingly endearing traits become more irritating and harder to overlook," DatingScout dating expert Celia Schweyer notes. “Living together means you have to experience real life with your partner." Navigating those real-life annoyances while keeping your relationship strong requires communication and compromise, Schweyer says. Speak up (respectfully) about the habits that bother you, and come to the table with suggestions that will allow you and your partner to live in harmony without changing who you are. It's better than bottling up your frustration and becoming resentful.

4. What if We Start To Feel Like Roommates?

If, after living together for a while, you and your S.O. start to feel less like romantic partners and more like, well, roomies, don't panic. It happens. But it may create some doubt. Matchmaker, relationship expert, and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon tells us that roommate syndrome can be solved by putting in some serious mutual work. Both of you will need to step up your game, communicate, and figure out how to get the dynamic back on track.

5. What If My Partner Starts to Hate My Quirks?

Just as you might suddenly doubt your relationship because your significant other's quirks are on display full-time, you may start to get insecure about how they perceive your quirks. “You will become more relaxed in your own home and less willing or able to keep up a show," marriage coach and relationship expertLesli Doares says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can come as a surprise." Be open-minded about hearing your partner's feedback and don't shy away from trying to improve on some of the habits that cause issues.

Problematic Message: Love is the most exciting when it’s forbidden.

Even if you haven’t seen the romantic comedy, you’ve definitely seen the GIFs: Andrew Lincoln, playing Mark, professing his love for Keira Knightley’s character through handwritten signs, one of which reads the famous line, “To me, you are perfect.” Yes, it’s ultra-romantic — until you look a little closer. “Although we all love an honest display of love, making a play and expressing your love for your best friend’s wife is not a good start for a relationship, on or off screen,” Tcharkhoutian says.

And the most harmful part of these fictional narratives is that they only show a fraction, if any, of the fallout. “This is a toxic dynamic that devalues the dignity of marriage and romanticizes the idea of being in love with someone who is ‘off-limits,’ without portraying the harsh realities of this kind of basis for a relationship,” Tcharkhoutian explains.

Problematic Message: A relationship that began with ulterior motives can become healthy and functional.

There’s no denying that Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a dreamy pair, but in this movie, their relationship is a nightmare. Their quick rise to love is certainly entertaining, but the foundation of their relationship makes it impossible to exist outside of fiction.

The two meet as means to prove themselves at their respective jobs, and in true rom-com fashion, their supposedly real feelings take off from there. Tcharkhoutian cautions against this behavior in real life. “This can set up a relationship to be something in which a person is objectified as a vehicle to help you meet your needs, instead of a mutual union and partnership with pure and honest motives of loving each other through thick and thin,” she says.

Lucy and Jack in "While You Were Sleeping"

Problematic Message: Falling in love with the idea of someone can result in a happy ending.

No one can resist a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, so it’s no surprise this movie is still revered as a classic of the genre. It has all the necessary components: an unrealistic plot (she saves a man’s life, is confused for his fiancée by his family, and then falls in love with his brother while he’s in a coma — like, come on!), a handsome boy-next-door lead and, of course, love. However, much like the relationship in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the foundation is faulty.

Falling in love with the idea of someone, as Sandra Bullock’s character does, doesn’t equate to falling in love with the actual person, Tcharkhoutian clarifies, and to start a relationship with this basis in real life is ill-advised.

Problematic Message: True love lies in the next adventure, which is far from your hometown and your past relationship.

Who hasn’t dreamt of traveling to a foreign country; staying in a cozy, remote cottage; and falling in love with someone even half as good-looking as Jude Law? Well, there’s a reason it’s a mere fantasy. Tcharkhoutian describes the phenomenon in The Holiday movie as escapism — the idea that you need to escape from your day-to-day life to find true happiness or, in this case, true love.

Although it’s fun to dream, if taken too far, this particular romantic comedy mentality can lead to irrational expectations. “This escapism mentality can create a false belief that international [relationships] are sustainable in the long-term,” Tcharkhoutian remarks. “True healthy relationships survive and thrive in the everyday, mundane routine, not in the exciting international adventure that depends on thrill and distance.”

Which rom-com couples stay together?

However, there are PLENTY of romantic comedy relationships we love! Some of our favorites include Nick and Rachel in Crazy Rich Asians, Matty and Jenna in 13 Going on 30, Harry and Sally in Meg Ryan's When Harry Met Sally, Elle and Emmett in Legally Blonde, and Peter and Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

"Playing Elle Woods was just the highlight of my career, my early career for sure," she tells People. "She was such an underdog, and just trying to find those pieces of her that [were] really vulnerable. That feeling that people underestimate you and think you can't do things."

"I had no idea when we were making it that it was going to touch so many people's hearts," she continues. "The thing I love about Elle Woods is I share that performance with so many young people because of the stage play...I'll have all these cool people come up to me and be like 'I played Elle Woods!'...We're both Elle Woods!"

Elle Woods is, without a doubt, a feminist icon, and it’s safe to say that Reese Witherspoon took her character very seriously.

You may be thinking: “What crazy techniques could Reese Witherspoon have used to create Elle Woods for Legally Blonde? It’s just a character!” At first, we thought that too. Was it really that hard to play a wannabe socialite on a mission to win back her boyfriend before using her intellect to crush it at Harvard Law and save her friend from a murder conviction à la her knowledge of perms? In short — yes, yes it was, and Reese spilled it all on how she transformed into the leading lady we know (and love) today.

In an interview with Harper's Bazaar, Reese mentions that she's always loved how much of a feminist Elle is. “She could have all this really strong ideology about what women could accomplish but she could also be very obsessed with clothes and hair and makeup, which a lot of young women are,” she says.

“The costume designer Sophie De Rakoff and I collaborated — this was our first collaboration — to create Elle Woods," she continues. "In the script it said she had been, like, a sunscreen model. So we knew we were gonna have to do some bikini looks and we were going to have to do bright colors, we wanted her hair really bright blonde."

Elle was meant to come off to others as a classic California Barbie stereotype, the kind of surface-level person who never spent a moment thinking critically. To accomplish this, Sophie and Reese set out to find the perfect costumes to match Elle's 90s supermodel hair, and it was pretty intense, at least according to Reese.

"I remember the first day of going to Harvard that Sophie wanted [Elle] in an all pink leather look because she wanted her to look like a piece of luggage," Reese recalls. "We went to Frederick's of Hollywood to buy the bunny costume together and so I had to try on all these bustiers and make sure that all the bits were in the right places."

But the “look” isn’t all that Reese was committed to. Reese needed to become Elle, sorority houses and all. “I would go and just hang out and listen to what they talked about, and the way they did their nails, and the way they decorated their rooms," she says. "It really influenced how I held my body, how I used my hands in the performance, the cadence of my speech…I took the part really seriously. It was all about just creating [a] character that I really understood throughout the entire shooting, so that you could throw anything my way and I could still stay in character.”

Whew — that’s a lot. Reese’s commitment to the role truly shines through the screen, and has *literally* changed pop culture forever. I mean, we have probably dressed as Elle Woods for Halloween at least a half dozen times.

“The impact of Legally Blonde has been unreal," she continues. "Just the idea that I've traveled all over the world...and had women come up to me and say, ‘I became a lawyer because of Elle Woods’...it's just meaningful. It's very resonant at a certain time in your life where you're really trying to discover who you are, and it's why it's one of my favorite movies I've ever done. It's one of my favorite characters I ever created.”

Honestly, we have so much respect for Reese and the incredible effort she put into perfecting the Elle we've idolized for decades. It’s unimaginable to quantify the impact this character has had on women — and society — as a whole, but if we had to guess, we know it would be enormous.