We all know that, come Christmastime, there’s no crazier gift guide around than that of Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle website, Goop ($150,000 record collection, anyone?). With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, they’ve officially dropped their official guides of l’amour on us, and after seeing Gwyneth’s recommendation to buy a jade egg for our hoo-ha, we simply had to check it out.

LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 19: Actress and Founder of goop, Gwyneth Paltrow speaks onstage at Cultivating the Art of Taste & Style at the Los Angeles Theatre during Airbnb Open LA - Day 3 on November 19, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Mike Windle/Getty Images for Airbnb)

Separating the guides into three separate categories (The Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Couples, The SOLO YOLO Valentine’s Gift Guide and the Women’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide), items weren’t quite *as* outrageously priced as the Christmas guides (although we did spy a $10K version of the Cartier Love bracelet in the women’s guide, which just so happens to be the most Googled piece of jewelry in the world). We did see an awful lot of items that would make even Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik (who got down and dirty in the new vid for the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack) blush, however, particularly in the couple’s guide.

In addition to a Coco de Mer feather tickler (now sold out), a game of Sexy Truth or Dare: Pick-a-Stick ($13), a pair of Lace Bunny Ears ($125) and an Only Hearts Golden Key Two-Piece “Play Set” (also sold out), there’s some more *intimate* items as well.

And for those without a Valentine? Not to fret: There’s a Love Potion Making Class at Calliope in NYC from 2-3pm on February 5 for $90 a pop.

But better act fast — with items only available through February 6, pieces are selling out like hot cakes.

What do you think of Goop’s racy guide? Share with us @BritandCo.

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(h/t Refinery 29, photos via Mike Windle + D. Dipasupil/Getty)