He鈥檚 a race car driver who鈥檚 also a realtor and has the kind of gross nickname 鈥淭he Kissing Bandit鈥. Of course Arie Luyendyk is going to find love among the three realtors, two social media managers, four Laurens, and 20 other women on this season of The Bachelor.

Let鈥檚 sit with that for a minute. Twenty. Nine. Women. I鈥檓 not even sure I got 29 messages the whole time I did online dating. But 29 women are ready to race for the heart of a man who mostly just says things like, 鈥淪he鈥檚 beautiful,鈥 and 鈥淪he鈥檚 interesting.鈥 Well, Arie, here鈥檚 hoping you find the love of your life this season and that your most important relationship isn鈥檛 with (UGH) Chris Harrison.

Here鈥檚 a rundown of the 21 women who will continue to lie, cheat, steal, and kill for Arie鈥檚 affections鈥 and the eight who did NOT make the cut:


Chelsea: real estate executive and single mother who鈥檚 playing up an air of mystery that doesn鈥檛 seem all that mysterious. She steals a second meeting with Arie and kisses him. Gushing afterward, she lets the other girls know that he鈥檚 still the same genuine person that he was when she first met him, like, an hour ago. She receives the first impression rose. Absolute. Worst.


Becca: publicist who forces Arie to do a mock proposal and is forward in a way that doesn鈥檛 feel like she鈥檚 going to eat you alive, unlike Chelsea.

Tia: a personal trainer from Weiner, Arkansas who gives him a small wiener keychain and is totally Raven 2.0. I鈥檓 here for it.

Maquel: very beautiful photographer who arrives in a race car but can鈥檛 quite remember how her conversation with Arie went. Rest on those looks, M.

Bekah: rock-climbing nanny who pulls up in a cherry red 鈥65 Mustang. She looks like she鈥檚 maybe thirteen years old and refuses to tell anyone how old she is. Hmmm.

Krystal: online fitness coach who feeds the homeless. Her story about her brother not being ready to get help in life tugged pretty hard on my heartstrings but there might be something sinister behind her perpetual smile.

Brittan: tech recruiter who speaks bad Dutch and races him in toy race cars before nailing the first kiss. Get it, Brittany!

Wild Cards

Kendall: ukulele playing taxidermist creative director who might just be the weird soul he鈥檚 looking for!

Marikh: boxing restaurant owner who cooks with Indian spices but is ready for salt and pepper. Way to make him feel old.

Bibiana: thirsty executive assistant who thinks Arie is just the most beautiful. I mean, he鈥檚 handsome, sure.

Annaliese: event designer who claims to be the only person wearing a costume even though her 鈥渃ostume鈥 is a cheap eye mask. If you鈥檙e going to do a costume, come as a transformer. Didn鈥檛 you get the memo that this season is all car jokes?

Jenna: social media manager who massages Arie鈥檚 feet. Hot.

Valerie: server who I鈥檝e already forgotten.

Jenny: graphic designer who I鈥檝e already forgotten.

Jacqueline: research coordinator who I鈥檝e already forgotten. I鈥檓 seriously not even sure she was ever on this episode.


Seinne: definitely the best and most babe of the realtors and sure to have her name mispronounced and misspelled on Twitter all season.

Ashley: presents him with a checkered flag because hahaha he鈥檚 a racecar driver.

Caroline: makes a joke about hoping that the two of them will be off the market because hahaha they鈥檙e realtors.


Lauren S.: social media manager (what even is that, really?)

Lauren B.: technology salesperson (points for a real job compared to Lauren S.)

Lauren G.: executive recruiter whose safe word is pineapple and could easily pull ahead of the rest of the Laurens.

Lauren J.: has a masters degree but that鈥檚 not enough to get her a rose. Womp womp.

Losers Who Are Still Better Than Chelsea

Nysha: daredevil nurse who really should鈥檝e skydived in to make a stronger first impression.

Bri: sports reporter who throws a dirty softball at Arie. Throw some clean ones if you ever get to Paradise, please.

Brittane: marketing manager who puts a bumper sticker on Arie鈥檚 butt.

Jessica: television host who presents Arie with a gratitude rock. Hot. She also has a very strange story about how she鈥檚 sad that her deceased dad will have never met her future husband. Condolences, but what a strange perspective!

Olivia: marketing associate who might as well have been a hologram.

Amber: owns a spray tan company and leads with a line about how many naked men she鈥檚 seen.

Ali: personal stylist who makes him smell her armpit. SOMEHOW STILL BETTER THAN CHELSEA.

(Photos via ABC + Getty)