7 Ways to Boost Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

Levo League
Feb 16, 2016

IQ gets all the fame and glory when it comes to how we are perceived by our peers — we blame Albert Einstein, the poster child of the smarty-pants contingent out there. But your EQ, or emotional intelligence, is equally as important in your personal success — plus, it’s key in the development of leadership skills. Not only does it directly reflect your ability to lead, but studies have found that it can also pad your wallet with some serious money, as every point increase in EI increases annual salary by $1,300 on average. Boom!

If you’re looking to ramp up your leadership skills and earning potential at work, scroll on. Casey Mulqueen, Ph.D., Director of Research + Product Development for The TRACOM Group, one of the nation’s top leadership development companies, gives us the 411 on how to score big when it comes to your EQ.

How to boost your EQ in 7 Steps

1. Figure out what your emotional triggers are. These are the things that result in you losing behavioral control. This is invaluable for understanding the situations and emotions that you experience just prior to losing control of your behavior. Knowing what pushes your buttons will help you be able to recognize and tame those situations.

2. Mentally rehearse common situations that set off your emotional triggers. Research shows that when you mentally rehearse scenarios, you’re activating the same neural circuitry that is engaged when you’re actually in the scenario. Instead of responding the way you typically have in the past, imagine yourself acting in a more productive way. Develop a mental “movie” of yourself and clearly imagine yourself behaving in the ways you want. This will help prepare you for when these situations actually occur. You’ll have a script to follow.

3. Force your brain into action by solving a problem. Actively distracting yourself is an effective way to maintain self-control. If you’re suddenly in a situation where you’re feeling anger or frustration, for instance, shift your focus from the other person or situation to a mental problem. Make the problem challenging. For example, work out the solution to 15 x 18. This will force your brain to focus on the math problem and away from the stressful situation. The old adage that you should count to ten is not effective because it’s too easy, and therefore doesn’t actively engage the brain. Distracting yourself with a difficult problem is an effective strategy for avoiding an emotional reaction. It’s not important to solve the problem correctly.

The point is to engage the brain region that solves problems, thereby preventing the emotional center of your brain from flooding the bloodstream with adrenalin and other stress hormones that cause strong emotional reactions.

4. Engage in healthy escapism. If it’s too hard to find a mental problem to solve, another form of distraction is to actively let your attention shift to a pleasant memory. You can sing a song in your mind, think of your favorite place or activity, a funny TV show, whatever works best for you. Similar to solving a problem, this will engage your mind and prevent the amygdala from taking control and causing a strong emotional reaction.

5. When it comes to email, the “send” button is not your friend. Ask a friend or trusted colleague to review questionable or emotional emails before you send them. Research shows that as many as one half of all emails are misinterpreted by the recipient. If you think something sounds neutral, it might be interpreted as offensive or rude. Carefully consider your message and the recipients. What type of people are they? What are their behavioral styles? How are they likely to interpret your email? In what ways could your message be misinterpreted? Just as important, if you’re feeling angry or frustrated when writing the email, this is a red flag. It’s too easy to hit the “send” button, so develop a habit to always wait at least 30 minutes before sending an email when you’re feeling emotional.

6. Walk away from tense situations. If you’re in an emotionally heated conversation or situation, say, “I need time to think about this before I respond,” or some other appropriate response that allows you to leave the situation. Not everything has to be dealt with immediately, especially if tempers are high. Separate yourself from the situation. Allow adequate time to pass so you, and the other person, can calm down. When feeling more controlled, you can then respond to the person. Remember that in these situations, the amygdala is in control of your mind. It takes time to calm down and for your prefrontal cortex to resume control of your thoughts and actions. Leaving the situation is not escapism; it is a healthy and productive action that will result in a better outcome.

7. Make a conscious decision to speak clearly and with decorum whenever you are in an emotionally charged situation. This is an effective strategy for avoiding the urge to blow up and lose control. Think of the language you will use; make sure it’s respectful and calmly delivered. Like all habits, practice will enhance your effectiveness, and it will become more natural over time. If you know that you’ll be in an emotional discussion, rehearse ahead of time. Determine exactly what you will say and the language you will use.

What strategies do you employ to take your EQ to the next level? Tweet us @britandco!

This post was previously published on Levo League by Meredith Lepore.

(Photo via Getty)

6 Crazy "Outer Banks" Opinions That Would Totally Change The Show

I'll admit out of the many teen dramas I've consumed, Outer Banks is one of the most ridiculous. But the insanity surrounding the plot is half the reason it's enjoyable! John B. wrestling an alligator with his bare hands? Kiara getting kidnapped then making a daring escape in her PJ's? John B. and Sarah getting married (kind of) by the power of "the sky, the stars, and the sea" after escaping the SBI?

Considering my favorite fan theory for the future is that Madelyn Cline's Sarah and Rudy Pankow's JJ learn they're secret siblings, I know the crazy train isn't slowing down anytime soon. I took to Reddit to find the wildest Outer Bankshot takes and I was not disappointed. Keep reading to see if you agree with any!

JJ and Kiara Never Should Have Happened

Image via Netflix

While JJ and Kiara is one of the most popular ships on the show, a lot of Outer Banks fans think the "no Pogue-on-Pogue macking" rule from the pilot should have stayed in effect. The individual romances between Kiara and JJ, John B., and Pope make the story really messy, and the fact the show writes Kiara to be with all three of them in the span of three years gives a lot of viewers the ick.

I'll be team #Jiara forever (and literally screamed when The Backseat Lovers' "Kilby Girl" started playing during the motorcycle ride in season 3), but I'll say it would incredibly compelling to see a friend group take care of each other as much as the Pogues do without ever crossing over into romantic territory. That's found family, after all!

Pope Should Have Ditched The Treasure Hunt

Image via Netflix

One Reddit user is convinced that "Pope should’ve focused on his future in school instead of giving everything up to search for treasure." And TBH, I totally agree.

In season 1, Pope has a breakthrough about the hidden treasure in the middle of his scholarship interview. He ditches the scholarship committee to tell the rest of the Pogues, throwing away a crazy educational opportunity. Pope beats himself up for it, and his parents definitely aren't pleased, but at least it meant he got to stay in the show instead of leaving for college, which leads me to...

Outer Banks Should Have Started With The Pogues In Their 20s

Image via Netflix

As one of the only people alive who loves the post-time jump One Tree Hill, I would have loved to see OBX start off with the characters in their 20s (although it looks like that's where Outer Banks season 4 will pick up!). This would eliminate SO MANY problems from the jump because the Pogues wouldn't have to worry about missing school, they'd be more self-sufficient, and instead of being the same old high school drama, it could have provided a commentary on figuring out life in your 20s the same way Friends did.

Rafe Shouldn't Have Any Kind Of Redemption Arc In Outer Banks Season 4

Image via Netflix

Drew Starkey the man that you are. According to one Reddit user, "Rafe should not have a love interest or a redemption arc" like we see in season 3. We spent all of season 1 and season 2 establishing that Rafe (played by Drew) would do anything it took to get what he wanted (including one successful murder and two other attempts?!). He shows next to no remorse for his actions, and exploring his literal psychopathic tendencies would take the show to a whole new level.

Big John Should Never Have Returned

Image via Netflix

John B.'s dad's disappearance is the catalyst for the Pogues' journey at the beginning of Outer Banks, and Big John's return means the story feels somewhat repetitive in the third season, and it undoes a lot of the growth we've seen from John B. Plus, Big John is just SO chaotic, selfish, and dramatic. If he had truly died in season 1, we could have seen John B. wrestle with that finality, and how to cope with loss in the face of finding the treasure and falling in love with Sarah.

And Finally, Outer Banks Should Have Ended After Season 1

Image via Netflix

Outer Banks season 1 was exactly what we needed at the height of the pandemic. It was escapist — both in terms of the beach vacation vibes, but also because the '00s aesthetic took us right back to simpler times — and it had such a wonderfully resolved finale that some fans think nothing has matched it.

Do you agree with any of these Outer Banks opinions? I'm such a romance fan, I don't know what I'd do if the show didn't have JJ and Kiara get together! Check out all the best New TV Shows coming this year for more.

Lead image via Netflix

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Mariska Hargitay’s Powerful “Me Too” Message Proves She’s Olivia Benson IRL

Mariska Hargitay is the woman of the hour anywhere she goes, with her iconic Law & Order: SVUrole as Olivia Benson under her belt for the last 25 years. The character is an absolute advocate to women — and assault victims of any gender — through her words, actions, and powerful convictions of each perpetrator on the show. She takes great care with her victims and pursues perpetrators with fervor, and slowly as you watch the show..the line blurs between Olivia and Mariska.

This isn't anything new — just recently Mariska literally stopped production on the show to help a child (who mistook her for an actual police officer) find her mom. It's just who Mariska is. She walks the walk and talks the talk — including during her speech at Variety's Power of Women's Power of Women event.

Image via NBC Universal

As a Power of Women honoree, Mariska was recognized in regards to her work as an advocate for sexual assault survivors. She took the stage and used her platform to discuss rape and assault conviction reversals, shining a light on the recent overturned ruling in Harvey Weinstein's landmark NYC case. Here's what she said:

Today I want to talk about reversing convictions, and more specifically I want to talk to you about how impossible it is to reverse mine. It’s impossible to reverse my conviction that survivors matter. It is impossible to reverse my conviction that what happens to us matters, and that our society must respond to survivors with a more a compassionate, holistically, deeper, and more nuanced understanding of what healing means.

It is impossible to reverse my conviction that after a trauma, survivors can reclaim lives of hope, of possibility, of audacious risk, beautiful intimacy, and glorious, glorious abundant joy. And I stand before you as evidence of that statement.

It is impossible to reverse my conviction that we must listen to survivors as experts on what justice means. It is extraordinary how little their voices are consulted, let alone incorporated, in the process of deciding how to repair harm. Justice is not a one-size-fits-all journey.

It is impossible to reverse my conviction that patriarchal impunity has to end. Patriarchal impunity is when a male-dominated system exempts perpetrators from punishment. Studies show that only 20% of all rape cases in the U.S. are reported to the police, and that between 5 and 0% of all rapes result in a guilty plea or a conviction. So why do 80% of victims not report? Because they're met with a system that grants impunity to perpetrators; a system that blames victims; a system that accepts only those victims who are experienced as "real" rape; a system that completely misunderstands the neurobiology of trauma, which causes behavior in women that doesn't fit the picture of how a "real victim" would act.

Is that change needed that victims should just pull themselves together? Just buck up and report anyway? No. No, it's the system that receives them that needs to change

It is impossible to reverse my conviction — and the conviction of my extraordinary team, The Joyful Heart — that the backlog of untested rape kits can be brought to zero; that the testing of all new kits must be mandated; that we need a statewide kit tracking system; and that survivors have the right to access the status of their kits.

It is impossible to reverse my conviction that grammar — yes, grammar — that we use when we speak about rape must change. In the sentence, "A woman is raped," there's a crime and there's a victim, but there's no perpetrator. Where's the perpetrator? Where is he? Statistically, as we know, most likely he's walking free. He's so free that he doesn't even appear in the language about the crime that he committed. Is that not extraordinary? It's extraordinary that in the very grammar, the perpetrator goes free. Reintroducing perpetrators in the language of rape will make some very unwieldy grammar, but that's the nature of change. It's unwieldy, it's messy, it's uncomfortable, but it's necessary.

Image via NBC Universal

Hargitay continued on in her prolific speech to describe that rape shouldn't be considered a "crime of passion" because it's "not simply the next step in the trajectory of his passion" when a man takes a consensual hookup too far and assaults a woman against her will. She stated that it's "an exercise of power," doubling down that the language we use is important.

The speech went on to address that rape is both about power and control, as a "construct" that was "built, and assembled, and reinforced over time." She noted that there are people with these positions of power — and she specifically called out those in the entertainment industry — that could make a difference and aligned themselves to victims and survivors.

After this and some other remarks, Hargitay specifically called out the Weinstein conviction reversal. She said:

I do want to say something about the Harvey Weinstein conviction, specifically about the reason that it was overturned: too many women's voices. Too many women's voices were allowed to speak. Hallelujah! Amen! I can't imagine anything more beautiful than that. The Daily podcast episode talked about how it was so risky for the prosecution to have that many women testify. Risky to let women speak? You're damn right it is!

Too many women speaking brings change. Too many women speaking shakes the establishment. Too many women means we get listened to more, and people might actually hear what we have to say. Look what happened when women started saying just two words, right? Me too — just as an example — a tidal wave of change. Me too.

And then of course, there was the response: the Me Too Movement. The backlash. The examination of whether the changes that have come are lasting, or are even positive. Of course there's a backlash! What did they expect? For women to speak repeatedly, loudly, together, with a purpose — for there to be no backlash? The backlash is evidence of how powerful those voices were, how powerful those voices ARE.

Watch Mariska Hargitay's Full Speech Here

www.youtube.com

Mariska Hargitay's Gets Emotional as She Thanks Her Support System and the Women Around Her

Turns out that your TV heroes really can be your IRL heroes after all. Long live Olivia Benson! Long live Mariska Hargitay!

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Header image via NBC Universal

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Here’s When You Can Watch “Emily in Paris” Season 4

After Emily in Paris season 3 dropped on Netflix in December of 2022, we were hoping to get the fourth installment of the hit show in 2023. But production halted when the WGA writers' strike, then the SAG-AFTRA actors' strike went to affect, and our beloved cast and crew campaigned for better wages and industry protection. But with the end of the writers' strike, and new SAG negotiations, Emily in Paris season 4 finally began production in February 2024 — and I can already tell you there's sure to be plenty of drama and French fashion this time around.

Not only will we see Emily in Paris (see what I did there?!) but she's also pulling an Audrey Hepburn and taking a little Roman Holiday. That's right — our favorite Parisians are heading to Italy! If that doesn't sound like a dreamy comfort show then I don't know what does. Here's everything we know about the upcoming season of your favorite TV brain candy!!

Is Emily in Paris season 4 coming soon?

Image via Lily Collins/Instagram

Via Variety, Emily in Paris season 4 began production in Paris the week of January 15! "Did someone say Saison Quatre?!" Lily Collins says in her Instagram post announcing production. "Finally reunited with my @emilyinparis fam back in Paris and it feels so good. Although, I may need to brush up on my selfie skills for Emily’s sake…"

Now the wait is over! According to the official announcementfor Emily in Paris, we know part one drops on Netflix August 15, followed by part 2 on September 12. I've been impatiently waiting for this considering we didn't know how filming would be impacted by things like the WGA writers strike!

Is Emily in Paris filmed in Paris?

Image via Lily Collins/Instagram

Yes, Emily in Paris is filmed on location in Paris! We got our first look at Emily in Paris season 4 when Lily Collins and Ashley Park were seen filming in the City of Love (via Daily Mail). The costumes for the series are still as bold and bright as ever, with Ashley's Mindy wearing cobalt and metallic boots, and Lily's Emily dressed head-to-toe in lemon yellow. I can't wait to see what these best friends get up to this season! Check out our Paris travel recommendations to live out your own Emily in Paris dreams ;).

On April 27, Lily Collins confirmed Emily in Paris season 4 had wrapped its France shoot and that the cast & crew have swapped the City of Love for the Eternal City! "When you’re the first ones on the dance floor at the Paris wrap party. Next stop: Rome!" she says on Instagram. Late spring is literally the perfect time to film in Italy and I just know this season is going to give me more wanderlust than ever before. I need gelato!

What's Emily In Paris season 4 about?

Image via Netflix

Season 3 left us with a huge cliffhanger: Alfie breaks up with Emily, Camille learns she's pregnant with Gabriel's baby, Benoit's "Mon Soleil" has been chosen for the Eurovision Song Contest, and Emily and Gabriel realize they've been in love with each other the whole time. Whew.

Emily in Paris season 4 will have a ton of cliffhangers to bring full circle, and a bunch of damage that all the characters need to heal. We know from the Netflix TUDUM fan event that we might also see Emily have to deal with an ultimatum head-on, as well as an unexpected twist. Plus, it looks like she's heading on a "Roman holiday," according to lead actress Lily Collins. We'll take any nod to an Audrey Hepburn movie, please and thank you!

Is Alfie coming back in season 4 of Emily in Paris?

Image via Netflix

We don't have OFFICIAL word on whether Alfie (played by Lucien Laviscount) will return for Emily in Paris season 4, but we're hoping for his sake that he gets some closure. Lucien wants to come back as well! "[The dream is] to keep this gravy train going and just to kind of really live in this world a little bit longer," he says in an interview with Elle. " The writers on the show and the creators behind it and everyone that comes into contact with it is so amazing and fantastic. Their minds [have] way, way, way, way surpassed mine. So, yeah. I’ll let them do their thing.”

Who else is in the Emily in Paris season 4 cast?

Image via Netflix

We can expect the rest of the cast — Lily Collins as Emily, Lucas Bravo as Gabriel, Ashley Park as Mindy, Camille Razat as Camille, Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu as Sylvie, Samuel Arnold as Julian, and Bruno Gouery as Luc — to return.

Will there be a season 5 of Emily in Paris?

Image via Marie Etchegoyen/Netflix

It looks like Emily in Paris season 4 will not be the final season, according to creator Darren Star. “There’s a lot more story to tell here and we’re not wrapping things up anytime soon,” Star tells Elle. “And also hopefully season four isn’t the end either. I feel like we’re all creatively feeling like we’re in the middle of something not heading towards the end.”

Darren also told Deadline season 4 is "not necessarily conceived as a final chapter. I think like every other show, it’s a rich ensemble. There’s no end in sight until everybody feels like it’s time to end. And I don’t think this show is limited by a number of seasons, I think it’s limited by everybody’s enthusiasm and excitement about doing it and telling stories about these characters."

We'll take as many seasons of Emily in Paris as they'll give us!!

What has the cast said about Emily in Paris season 4?

Image via Marie Etchegoyen/Netflix

Lucas Bravo told People he's excited for a coming-of-age for Gabriel. "When you start a character, then there's a year where you experience the world and you mature, you become another person and you come back and it's exactly the day you left off," he says. "I'm happy that in season four I'll be able to bring more of what I became and what I've experienced in the past four years."

Even though Lily Collins is now an executive producer, she doesn't want to know TOO much about the future of the show. “Darren and I speak, on occasion, about where he’s thinking of going, but he also doesn’t wanna spoil too much for me because there is a fine line,” she tells Collider. “I don’t wanna know everything because I want to be led with the writing, but I am also curious because, as a producer wanting to celebrate the other characters, I’m very curious to see what their trajectories are."

What happened at the end of Emily in Paris season 3?

Image via Netflix

To be fully prepared for Emily in Paris season 4, it's important to remember just what happened during season 3! The junior season was a bumpy ride for Emily, and it ends with the craziest finale yet. After Camille and Gabriel decide to get married, Camille stops the wedding, saying she knows Gabriel is in love with Emily instead of her. This declaration leads Alfie to break up with our leading lady because he refuses to be her second choice (and honestly, I respect it). That's not the only shocker because Camille also reveals that she's pregnant with Gabriel's child, which comes as a surprise to everyone. Meanwhile, Mindy learns Benoit has submitted a song (specifically "Mon Soleil") to the Eurovision Song Contest and Laurent has his heart set on opening a club in Paris.

Are you excited for Emily in Paris Season 4? Give us your craziest theory in the comments, and check out our Facebook for more pop culture news. Read up on how This Emily In Paris Theory Could Be Why Emily And Gabriel Aren’t Together (Yet).

Lead image via Netflix.

This post has been updated.

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