12 Questions To Ask If You Think Your Best Friend Is Toxic

1. When you announce good news, like a new partner or job promotion, how does your friend react?

A. Thrilled, and they want to know every last detail!

B. They’re happy and congratulate you, but don’t dive much deeper.

C. Kind of apathetic, like your good news isn’t that interesting.

D. They’re dismissive, as if they’re envious or don’t truly care about how excited you are.

2. Can you trust your friend with a big secret?

A. Always. I know that their lips will stay sealed.

B. Most of the time, but we’ve had issues with loyalty in the past.

C. Not really. They tend to spill my gossip to at least one other person.

D. Never. I keep my secrets, well, a secret, because it’s not safe with them.

3. Are you able to rely on your friend when you need to vent?

A. Totally. As soon as I text them that I need to talk, they give me a call ASAP.

B. Oftentimes, yes. But I’m not always their top priority.

C. Sometimes. They’re around when it’s convenient for their schedule.

D. No. I don’t even try calling them since I know they aren’t going to answer.

4. Does it seem like you and your friend put equal effort into the relationship?

A. We both take turns reaching out to check in and make plans like clockwork.

B. It ebbs and flows, but we always find our way back to each other.

C. I’m typically the person initiating conversations.

D. They never try to chat or hang out with me first, and if I stopped, we probably wouldn’t even talk.

5. Your friend’s name pops up on your phone’s caller ID: what’s your body’s immediate reaction?

A. Excited and eager to answer right away.

B. A bit caught off guard, but still happy to catch up.

C. Anxious because you don’t know why they’re calling.

D. Dreadful, and maybe you even consider hitting “decline.”

6. When you share your feelings, do they support or invalidate?

A. Even if they don’t agree with me, they’ll listen and try to understand my perspective.

B. They might play devil’s advocate, but it’s well-intended.

C. They tend to point out my flaws in situations instead of hearing me out first.

D. My side is never taken seriously, and I often get accused of being dramatic.

7. After a fight, does your friend ever apologize?

A. Yes, they’re always quick to say sorry and show genuine remorse.

B. They know it takes two to tango, so they typically apologize for their role in the conflict.

C. Rarely, and it sometimes comes across as passive-aggressive or half-hearted.

D. Never. Somehow, issues are always entirely my fault, even if I try to say otherwise.

8. Have you ever tried to set a boundary, like needing some space? How’d your friend react?

A. They respected where I was coming from and told me to take all the time I needed.

B. They seemed a little hurt but still came around.

C. They attempted to guilt-trip me and get me to change my own needs.

D. They blatantly ignored what I asked for and crossed my boundary anyway.

9. Does your friend remember things that matter to you, like important dates or goals?

A. Duh. They’re the first person to text me on my birthday at 12:00 a.m. every single year.

B. Usually. They make an effort to keep tabs on my life, interests, and milestones.

C. It feels like I have to remind my friend about anything going on, or else they wouldn’t remember.

D. No. Even if I mention major things on my radar, they don’t broach the topic again on their own.

10. Do you feel like your friend ever uses your flaws or missteps against you?

A. Of course not. We realize we’ve both made mistakes, and people can grow and change.

B. They might bring up old wounds, but it comes across as concern about breaking a pattern more than meanness.

C. Sometimes. And it’s not always clear why they like to harp on my past.

D. Frequently. It almost seems like they store away my vulnerabilities to use as ammunition later.

11. How do they act after a new person, like a partner or a fresh friend, enters your life?

A. Supportive and welcoming. And they always want to be introduced quickly.

B. They act cool about it, but aren’t too eager to open up our friendship.

C. They’re almost jealous and try to dampen my vibe.

D. It’s clear they feel threatened and suddenly get possessive over my time and energy.

12. After you leave a hangout, how do you usually feel?

A. Practically rejuvenated, like seeing them was the medicine I needed to cure my week.

B. Joyful but ready to get back to my day-to-day.

C. A bit emotionally drained or even anxious over some of our conversations.

D. Pretty depleted and perhaps worse than I felt before our get-together.

RESULTS:

Mostly A’s

If most of your answers were A, it’s a sign that your friendship is solid. You and your bestie have built a relationship on respect, trust, and genuine care. It doesn’t matter what goes down between you two; you’ll always show up for each other.

Mostly B’s

Few relationships are “perfect,” so picking a lot of Bs is still a good sign. You and your best friend may have encountered some bumps in the road in the past, and maybe one of you drops the ball from time to time. Nonetheless, it’s all about balance, and you both clearly care.

Mostly C’s

Unfortunately, you should be on the lookout for red flags. It seems like you might be investing more emotional energy into your friendship than you’re reaping, and that’s not fair. Keep tabs on how you feel after talking to or spending time with your friend, and if your well-being is negatively impacted, it could be time to rethink your relationship.

Mostly D’s

Finally, if D was your standout answer, then you probably have a pretty toxic bestie. They leave you feeling on edge and unimportant instead of cheering you on and standing by your side. So, no matter how much history you two already share, realize that you deserve more.