If your list of New Year’s resolutions includes a reference to finding love, we feel you. Navigating the holidays single isn’t always easy, and while we certainly see a lot of benefits to staying unattached, we also totally respect your position if you’re feeling ready to partner up. We also know that committing to regular dating is no joke. Between choosing the best potential matches on your dating platform of choice, selecting the perfect first-date outfit, and pulling off the often-complicated conversion from a first date to a second date, the whole thing can honestly get pretty tiring. PJs and wine, please!
There is an important distinction to be made, however, between simply being tired of dating and experiencing what’s called dating fatigue. The difference, according to reality star-turned-radio host and lifestyle guru Chanel Omari, is a set of specific symptoms that mirror — in a less extreme way — signs of depression. Scroll down for five signs you might be dealing with fatigue.
signs you have Dating Fatigue
1. You’re straight-up bored. We’re not talking about the kind of bored that makes you spend all your time scrolling aimlessly through social media, or bingeing shows you don’t even want to watch. This is the kind of bored that comes with being so sick of dating that you’re simply going through the motions of a process that’s supposed to be fun. (That’s right, people. Dating is supposed to be fun.) If you find yourself struggling to engage in actual conversations with potential love interests, you might be experiencing fatigue.
2. You’ve become cynical and jaded. A certain dose of cynicism is par for the course if you’ve been on a search for love for a long time, but if “bad dating experiences have tainted your opinion of the entire… population,” it’s possible you have bigger problems, per Omari. Dating fatigue often leads singles to feel constantly suspicious that people are lying, or to make generalizations about “all women” or “all men” that aren’t really true.
3. You’re no longer polite. “In the early days of dating, you would have excused someone for being a few minutes late or monopolizing the conversation about their latest work saga,” Omari says. “Not anymore! You’re prone to cut dates off mid-sentence and display your disappointment if they don’t exactly resemble their picture.” Basically, if you’ve lost your filter or your ability to tolerate basic human mistakes — we’re not talking about actual rudeness, of course — you might have a case of dating fatigue.
4. You’ve become a lazy dater. Do you default to suggesting the exact same location for every date? Do you stick to coffee instead of dinner and a movie? Does the thought of organizing a more creative date feel like a huge inconvenience? Omari tells us these might be signs of fatigue, rather than simply being “over it.”
5. You spend time on dates rehashing horror stories from other dates. If bad dates have become the focal point of even good dates, you’ve got bigger problems… and you need a serious romantic reset.
Do these feelings and situations sound familiar? Don’t worry! While dating fatigue is perhaps a step or two more “serious” than just being sick of dating, it’s absolutely fixable, and recognizing that you’re smack dab in the middle of it is a great first step. Now that you’ve recognized and admitted the issue, here are a few of Omari’s tips for overcoming dating fatigue so you can continue the search for your one true love.
Tips for re-energizing your dating life
1. Take a break. The first thing that needs to happen once you know you’re experiencing fatigue is a major reset so you can clear the bad energy and get in a better mindset. When you’re ready to jump back in, check your attitude. “Try not to see it so much as a search for The One, but as a way to broaden your horizons and have fun,” Omari recommends for those coming off a break from dating. “Dating, with the right attitude and sense of adventure, can be a wonderful way to meet people outside your social circle and engage in new activities.”
2. Don’t travel far for first dates. The more you travel for a first date, the higher your expectations are likely to be. Stick to local meetups to keep those expectations at bay and minimize your frustration should a date not go as well as you hoped it would.
3. If you’re tired, ask for a raincheck. If you’ve had a crummy day at the office, there’s no way you’re going to have fun on a post-work date. Suggest that you reschedule for a time when you can set yourself up for success. Even if it’s not love at first sight, you’ll be feeling a little closer to your best.
4. Get involved in activities that make you happy. When you’re focused on dating, it’s easy to forget to participate in the things that light you up inside. Prioritize your passions, because engaging with them is what helps you be your best self. If there’s a way to make those hobbies more social — a local softball team, a book club, or a cooking class — all the better! Wouldn’t it be cool if you could do something you love while simultaneously interacting with people you might be interested in romantically?
5. Get out of your head. “Text if you want to text,” Omari says. “Don’t play hard to get. Don’t overthink it. If you’re thinking of [someone] and want to text [them], do it.” Let those mind games go or they’ll drive you crazy (or put you at risk for a relapse of fatigue).
6. Appreciate the bad experiences as, well, experiences. “Whether good or bad, it happened,” Omari says of the dating nightmares that can make you feel fatigued. “Appreciate it for being an experience in itself. You went out, you met someone new, it didn’t work… but it was still a worthwhile experience.”
How have you bounced back from dating fatigue? Tweet us @BritandCo!
(Photo via Getty)