The Bachelor Recap: A Fake Haunted House and the Most Awkward Date Ever
*Warning: This post contains spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the most recent episode of The Bachelor, stop reading!*
Another Monday, another excuse to forget our current nightmare, pour a glass of wine and sink into the couch. That’s right — I’m talking about The Bachelor. Let’s dive right in, because they didn’t waste any time picking up where they left off last week.
We started episode five off with Taylor and Corinne fighting outside (still under the same blanket somehow), and Corinne used some strange reverse psychology on Taylor — which is strange, because isn’t Taylor the mental health counselor? She then told Nick that she didn’t think Taylor was there for the right reasons before Chris Harrison announced it was time for the rose ceremony.
THE ROSE CEREMONY
Things were tense while Nick handed out the roses, during which Astrid was given screen time. The only time Astrid is ever given screen time is during the rose ceremony, and if not for that, we’d completely forget about her. Corinne and Taylor both got roses and you could cut the tension in the room with… gardening shears? Because, roses? I don’t know. Sarah’s exit was tearful and sad, and I really felt for her. She felt overshadowed by the drama, which is understandable. Then Nick announced to the remaining women that they’d be traveling to New Orleans, and they all cheered before chugging Champagne.
Josephine always looks like she's completely surprised whenever her name is said. #TheBachelor
— CatherineGiudiciLowe (@clmgiudici) January 31, 2017
NEW ORLEANS AND A ONE-ON-ONE DATE
The women romped through the streets of New Orleans and tried on masquerade masks while Raven waxed on about whether anyone would buy a voodoo doll. Jaimi wondered whether she’d have an advantage because it was her hometown, and the rest of the women jumped on the beds in the penthouse suite like all ~grown women~ do! Then Chris Harrison came in and announced the week’s dates, which included the dreaded two-on-one date. For the uninitiated, that means one of the women on the date will be going home. The women didn’t want to look at the card when it arrived, but Raven stepped up and grabbed it — fortunately, it was just a one-on-one for Rachel!
Rachel and Nick walked around an open-air market, trying on masks and feeding each other. They then went and ate beignets, and we saw firsthand why Bachelor contestants never eat on TV — it was incredibly messy. After dancing in the street together, it was super clear the two had chemistry… especially to the women watching from the hotel suite upstairs. AWKWARD! It’s getting to the point in the season where many of them are calling him their “boyfriend” and saying things like “it’s so hard to watch your boyfriend be with someone else,” which is fair I guess, but it’s also kinda the whole experience they signed up for.
— Angelaåä Warner (@tANGerine13_) January 31, 2017
At dinner, Nick said that Rachel surpassed his expectations before she opened up about some Real, Deep stuff. She talked about the last time she was in New Orleans; it was for a funeral, and it was a huge departure from the joyousness of this time. They then talked about family and Nick asked what he should call her father — it did not sound hypothetical at all. He told her he was “breaking rules” by telling her he was super into her before giving her a rose.
Back at the hotel the women continued to debate who would be on the two-on-one date, though it should’ve been obvious — it’s ALWAYS the two who’re feuding, AKA Taylor and Corinne! The group date card came and confirmed it by elimination, and the women on the group date met Nick at “the most haunted house in Louisiana.”
As per usual, they grabbed a drink before exploring, and Nick predicted there’d be a “weird energy” to the date. Not a bad prediction, Nick! The caretaker of the haunted house was named Boo (of course he was!), and he told them all about the spirits of the house before giving them a, well, spirited tour. As the night got darker, so did the mood, and Jaimi suggested they try to meet “Mae,” the main ghost of the house. They then asked a Ouija board who would get the group date rose and also whether Nick would get engaged, which was pretty hilarious.
The Ouija board says, "Who is Whitney?" #TheBachelor
— Dana Weiss (@Possessionista) January 31, 2017
TBH, the stuff in the haunted house was all so staged and annoying that I won’t even entertain it by writing much about it — let’s just say there were flickering lights and a falling chandelier, and it was implied over and over that a spirit was pranking the bachelorettes. Moving on!
As far as the alone time with Nick goes, Raven and Nick had some pretty cute moments together. She actually told him him she was in love with him accidentally, and even though it’s way too soon for that, whatever — that’s SO Raven. He ended up giving the rose to Danielle M., and Raven looked thoroughly disappointed.
Corinne and Taylor packed up their bags and headed off to the bayou for their two-on-one date. Neither of them was happy about it, and they both provided wonderfully shady commentary in their side interviews. The one thing they could agree on was that they weren’t thrilled about the bugs, though.
They walked further “into the bayou” and met a woman who told them they’d be receiving a tarot reading. The tarot reader pulled some cards and then said there was tension, which was true, but c’mon — it didn’t take a card pull to sense that! Nick and Corinne decided to step away and talk so that Taylor could get her own reading, during which she learned that she was emotive, was moving on from an emotional situation, was around someone nasty and cutting, and that she shouldn’t get caught up in it. This reader sure knew her stuff!
In the meantime, Corinne was filling Nick in on the sitch with Taylor, including that Taylor had called her stupid and “bullied” her. The tarot reading for Corinne revealed that she was succinct and cutting, after which she asked how to make a voodoo doll (!!!) specific to a person (!!!), and the reader handed her one (!!!).
Now I’m gonna be *that* girl here and say I think the way they’re portraying New Orleans kinda sucks? They’re exploiting a lot of the stuff that gets made into a caricature rather than visiting the city and enjoying its rich history. Aaaanyway, what do we expect from The Bachelor. Back to the show…
A relationship based off of whipped cream and lies. I feel like this is an amazing title for a romance novel. #TheBachelor
— Lauren Magee (@LaurenMagoo) January 31, 2017
The women finally reconvened and sniped at each other for a few more minutes, basically doing a post-mortem on what had gone wrong in their “friendship” on the show before Nick sat with them. He picked up the rose and gave it to… drumroll please… Corinne! Nick and Corinne rode off together into the sunset on a fan boat. Taylor walked in the opposite direction and experienced some sort of… cleansing ceremony? it’s unclear… while saying that Nick had made a huge mistake.
As Nick and Corinne went on with their night, we saw ominous shots of Taylor in a car, and it was clear that it wasn’t the last we’d see of her. Nick and Corinne sat down to dinner and began to chat (and kiss!), and then Taylor walked in before the black screen and the “To be continued…” text we’ve gotten so used to this season. We’ll just have to see how it plays out next week.
Do you think Nick made a mistake? Let us know @BritandCo.
(Photo via Mark Coffey/Getty)