The Bachelorette Recap: These Dudes Can’t Spell
It’s still June, but it’s hotter than July at the mansion on the new episode of The Bachelorette, where Rachel’s future fiancé and a bunch of other dudes are at each other’s throats. The drama from the previous episode continues with more instigation from Lee, whose old tweets might point to his reasons for antagonizing the black men in the room.
Lee interrupts Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King’s one-on-one with Rachel to show Rachel his knife and something he poorly carved for her, solidifying his standing in the “possible serial killer” category. An upset Kenny confronts him and the exchange gets loud, which upsets Rachel.
Rachel cries and seems to regret the whole process. “I can facilitate anything,” says Chris Harrison, coming to her rescue. I knew it was going to get violent, but is Chris going to kill all these potential serial killers? He looks like he could do it! Instead, he tells the guys it’s time for a rose ceremony, where Brady, transphobic Bryce, and Diggy are sent home. Long live Diggy and Iggy!
Clearly, Los Angeles is getting everyone down, so Rachel and the guys head to Hilton Head, SC. First up is a one-on-one with Dean, who is starting to seem less creepy to me, particularly after insinuating that Lee is a racist. That said, his enormous white teeth still terrify me.
He and Rachel go on a date in a Goodyear blimp, which is basically where I want to have all of my dates. He tells her the very sad story of his mother’s passing and the negative effect it had on his family. Rachel rewards his openness by giving him a rose. They celebrate by attending a Russell Dickerson concert. I’m a Tennessee boy and I love country music, but I have no clue who this dude is. It turns out that his debut single “Yours” has hit #47 on the country charts. Cool story, bro.
The rest of the bros, sans probable personal injury attorney Jack Stone, get a sausage fest group date with Rachel on a boat. There’s some awkward dancing, particularly from American Psycho Jonathan, followed by some mediocre freestyle rapping from Kenny and frontrunner and aspiring Bachelor Peter. Just as the bros are starting to peel their shirts off, the boat docks and it’s time for a group challenge: The Bachelor Nation Spelling Bee.
These guys aren’t great spellers. Of particular concern is Peter, who incorrectly spells “coitus,” which does not bode well for his future plans with Rachel unless he can distract her in bed with his freestyle skills. He also later says that Lee is “disingenuine,” which would be true if that were a word. Josiah wins the bee by correctly spelling “polyamorous.”
Later, Iggy, who has the least game of all the remaining fifteen or 1500 or however many guys there are left, tells Rachel that he thinks Josiah is “here for the wrong reasons.” By now, I’m already drunk from taking a shot every time someone says a standard reality show catchphrase like “I’m not here to make friends,” so I decide to skip this drink and focus on the rest of the episode.
Josiah and Eric both call Iggy out for being in everyone else’s business, but their tension can’t compare to Kenny and Lee’s. Lee puppydogs his way into a conversation with Rachel about how aggressive he thinks Kenny is. Kenny explains himself to Rachel, but reads her body language and thinks that she’s sided with Lee. He asks Lee to step outside and “To be continued…” flashes on the screen yet again.
Next week, there will be blood… and four hours of The Bachelorette. Four hours. None of those Lord of the Rings flicks were even quite four hours.
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(Photos via ABC + Getty)