#MenandCoffee Is the New Hot Dudes Reading and We’re into It

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

Watch the Full Interview with Amanda Montell:

Since its debut on February 14, Love Is Blind Season 6 has taken viewers across the globe (yes, the globe—my London-based sister is a devoted watchee) on a journey. We’ve gathered for the proposals, the dismissals, the guffaws, and the cringes alike, collectively sitting on the edge of ours eats wondering: will they or won’t they? And, while there are indeed a myriad of hot takes to unpack from the final three episodes of Season 6, I’ve found my brain clouded by another query: why is Love Is Blind is so damn watchable in the first place?

Reality TV is often dismissed by the masses as a collective evil. A vapid, low-brow, mindless behemoth of capitalistic exploitation with little to offer in the way of social and cultural enrichment. A waste of time; a media outlet designed only for the lowest common denominator of viewership. In fact, reality TV opponents are so vocal that naysayers have even lobbied against the industry as a whole, claiming the long term effects of watching this form of unscripted entertainment are very real and, more importantly, very detrimental.

According to a 2023 Rolling Stones article, “Not only have studies proven [reality TV] affects our mental health, research has also shown a correlation between watching certain programs and an increase in aggression, manipulation, and narcissism in viewers.” Yikes.

Admittedly, it was not long ago that I, too, was in the camp of people who steadfastly maintained a pretentious judgment for all things reality. I just appreciate shows with a bit more... substance, I’d pompously assert at dinner parties to anyone trying to convince me otherwise.

When my dad suffered a life-altering stroke in 2018, however, somehow this catastrophic personal event coincided perfectly with the airing of Arie Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor. Try as I might to look elsewhere, allowing the darkness of my personal life to slip away during these weekly two-hour reality show ventures was the perfectly mindless antidote to all of the stress I was experiencing in my waking hours.

Similarly, that same year, when my husband’s mother was diagnosed with Cancer, my sister-in-law and I began ceremoniously ending each night of caregiving by sitting on the couch with Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Dorinda, and Bethenny, soothing ourselves to sleep with the dulcet sounds of The Real Housewives of New York arguing over bottle number eight of Veuve whilst on girls’ weekend in the“Bezerkshires.”

I can say with confidence: I truly do not think I would have made it through my personal year of hell without the vacuous outlet provided to me by all things reality TV. Since then, I’ve been hooked. After all, nothing like the zeal of a convert.

In 2022, BBC Radio 4 released the podcast Unreal: A Critical History of Reality TV. Now, for anyone living under a rock, it’s pertinent to note that the BBC is a British media conglomerate that is generally considered to be highly reputable. Thus, their content is, of course, consistently credible. Throughout Unreal, a 10-part investigative radio series, the BBC critically examines the irreplaceable role reality TV plays in defining, mirroring, and preserving the social and cultural zeitgeist of a given era. The program presents reality television history chronologically, episodically unpacking the most highly-watched reality TV shows across the last, now, fifty-some years, beginning with 1973’s An American Family—the prolific reality vanguard, widely considered to be the bellwether for this era of media consumption.

Besides being a must-listen, Unreal makes the case that reality television should not be written off simply as fluff. On the contrary, journalists (and hosts) Pandora Sykes and Sirin Kales suggest that reality TV provides, arguably, one of the most astute reflections of a society at a given time. I don’t necessarily disagree. Which brings me back to Love Is Blind—and, more acutely, the fact that almost every single person I know (collectively spanning a myriad of genders, sexualities, races, and ages) has dutifully tuned in to each and every episode of Season 6. Surely there is something more prescient to be gleaned from a show with this much cross-cultural buy-in. A show whose viewership spans, quite literally, all identities.

What is it about LIB that has us all hooked? Yes, there are the scandals (Trevor was in love with someone else! JerAmey was engaged! Kwame and Chelsea are... still together?). Or maybe it’s the backdoor legal cover-ups (according to one knowledgeable TikTok user: the vetting process is nonsense, producers are suing contestants for breaching NDAs, and any engaged participant who fails to make it to the altar has to pay the studio an alleged $50K). Or, further still, perhaps it’s simply the fact that, due to social media, we can all now follow the contestants in real time, peering voyeuristically into their lives as they unabashedly, and simultaneously, air their dirty laundry on national television. The only thing I think we can all agree is not the culprit for committed viewership is Nick and Vanessa Lachey’s gormless double act.

Alternative theories aside, perhaps the real reasoning behind our collective addiction is far more simple. The Occam's razor of it all, if you will. Perhaps we are all hooked simply because we are sitting here, in partial disbelief, wondering: what the heck is love anyway? Are these people—or any people, for that matter—actually able to “fall in love” without knowing what someone looks like? Is it genuinely possible to commit to a lifelong partnership after a mere 38 days of knowing someone? And, if we are indeed to allow ourselves, as viewers, to believe in this process (or, more shrewdly, allow ourselves to suspend our disbelief), how does this potential “reality” inform our own view of love? After watching this season—and, with it, exploring these theories on my own—I venture to argue the show itself could be retitled: Love Is...?

It doesn’t help that Americans are facing an unprecedented era of isolation and solitude. Commonly referred to as the Loneliness Epidemic, studies over the last two years have shown that Americans—of all ages, races, genders, sexualities, and so on—are far more likely to experience feelings of solitude than ever before. Bearing this disturbing reality in mind, it’s hard to look at a show like Love Is Blind without a more critical eye attuned to unearthing what itch this program is scratching for so many viewers in search of love themselves. Is meeting someone blind the answer to our collective cries of loneliness? Hard to say, yes—but, also foolish to disregard completely at this point.

I do not know exactly why we all keep watching LIB, season in and season out. But, if Unreal’s assertion is to be believed, then one must accept that something about this show is indeed capturing the current cultural milieu. Maybe we all are, in fact, watching in search of a mindless outlet to serve as the salve for adulthood’s ever-increasing stressors. Or perhaps we keep tuning in to further inform our own subjective views of love, partnership, and marriage. Whatever the case, the [not so] cult following is real and, I would go so far as to say, deserved.

Lawsuits, scandals, and in-joke Tweets notwithstanding, you bet we will all be tuning for Season 7 when the time comes. But, in the meantime, onto Love Is Blind Sweden. Though the subtitles are a bit of a beast at first, once you get past that minor literary challenge, you’ll be hooked in no time.

Memory Pieceby Lisa Ko

In the 1980s, Giselle, Jackie, and Ellen were all outcasts who banded together to have friends and work towards their dreams. Now in the 2040s, the three of them are forced to confront the facts that the world around them has changed and their dreams must too. Giselle, a performer, must learn how to succeed in the elite social world. Jackie, a successful coder, must figure out how to still love his craft even as the coding industry shifts towards surveillance and monetization. And Ellen, a community activist, must come to terms with the increased policing and building that are going on in her neighborhood. This is a story of the changing world and how three lifelong friends must learn to navigate that change and build happy lives despite how different everything is.

The Fetishistby Katherine Min

Written by the late Katherine Min, The Fetishist is a tale of three individuals that explores race, femininity, and how complicated the feelings of family and grief can be. Twenty-three-year-old Japanese American Kyoko is full of anger and despair at the death of her mother, who was recently dumped by Daniel. She is determined to kill Daniel and make him pay for what he did, but her plans go wrong. Daniel is a violinist who is struggling to confront his past mistakes and move forward. Alma, Daniel’s lover, is a Korean American who is spending her final days wondering if she was truly loved in her life.

The Fox Wife by Yangsze Choo

Yangsze Choo weaves a tale of old love, second chance, and ancient folklore. It is 1908 in Manchuria, the last years of the Qing Empire, when a woman is found mysteriously dead in a doorway. Suspicions are cast onto the foxes, spirits who are said to transform into beautiful people to lure victims. Detective Bao has been investigating the foxes but has never come close, until now. Meanwhile, Snow is a creature devoted to hunting her child's killer. Both are on a path from China to Japan, but what will happen as more deaths and tragedies follow in their wake?

The Nature of Disappearing by Kimi Cunningham Grant

All Emlyn wants to do is forget about her past. Forget about her best friend Janessa who doesn’t speak to her and forget about the love of her life and her ex, Tyler, who left her for dead on the roadside. Now, three years later, she is living a whole new life in her own trailer with a healthy community around her. But one day Tyler reappears with news that Janessa is missing, shoving Emlyn back into that world that she tried so hard to leave behind. Reluctantly, Emlyn joins Tyler on a mission to try to find her ex-best friend. As they explore deeper into the wilderness Emlyn begins to suspect that not all is as it seems and that she might be in just as much danger as Janessa.

The Catchby Amy Lea

Melanie Karlsen’s brand is about to collapse and she is doing everything possible to stop that from happening. That is why she currently finds herself in an east-coast Canadian fishing village. There she is learning that the stereotypical “all Canadians are nice” statement is not true, especially Evan Whaler. But when an accident lands Evan in the hospital and Melanie is mistaken as his fiancée, the two team up to appease his nagging family and save Melanie’s brand. As their relationship grows from something fake to something more, Melanie must decide whether to embrace this wild love or continue her perfect city life.

Kindlingby Traci Chee

Kindlings were once considered the elite, the fighters who used their magic to wage war at the cost of their own lives. Now that the war is over, the kindlings have been cast aside and forgotten, their magic outlawed. But when violence sparks in the countryside and a village comes under siege, seven kindlings must step up and fight one last time. But can they break through their past and find that peace that they have been searching for through this final battle? This standalone fantasy by Traci Chee explores the deepest parts of humanity and what it means to be lost and led back to find a future worth fighting for.

The Return of Ellie Black by Emiko Jean

Ever since Detective Chelsey Calhoun’s sister disappeared twenty years ago, she has been searching for any clues as to what happened. As other girls go missing and are not found, Chelsey begins to give up hope. But when teenager Ellie Black, who disappeared two years ago, is found alive in the Washington State woods, Chelsey finally has hope again. There’s only one problem, Ellie will not say anything and it is now up to Chelsey to find out what happened and where Ellie was. For the sake of herself, her missing sister, and the girls who will continue to go missing if she does not solve this mystery.

The Djinn Waits a Hundred Yearsby Shubnum Khan

Akhbar Manzil has always drawn Sana close. With the abandoned estates’ dark halls, empty rooms, and mysterious East Wing, Sana wants to know more. When she ventures into the East Wing she finds a door that has been closed for centuries, a room that was suspended in time, and a young woman's diary. As Sana explores the diary and learns of young Meena, who tragically passed in the estate, something stirs. Watching and hunting Sana from the shadows, a grieving djinn from the time of Meena’s death has awoken. In this heartbreaking and mysterious love story, Shubnum Khan weaves a tale of searching for belonging.

Lies and Weddings by Kevin Kwan

With the Gresham Trust depleted and the family in severe debt, Rufus Leung Gresham is told by his mother to attend his sister's wedding at a luxury eco-resort and find a wealthy wife. Seducing a woman with money would save the family fortune and spare them from many scandals. But despite all of the wealthy and attractive women at the wedding, Rufus Gresham only has eyes for the humble girl next door. As a volcano erupts and the wedding goes up in flames, secrets are exposed, and his mother’s plans are revealed, can Rufus recover or will tragedy strike even further?

True Love and Other Impossible Odds by Christina Li

Grace Tang is a freshman in college, determined to move on from her heartbreaking senior year of high school and start her life new. But when her statistics class forces her to write an equation, she chooses to write an algorithm that will pair people with their perfect match. But some people are skeptical, including Grace’s coworker Julia. To prove her point, Grace starts dating her match, but as she grows closer and closer to Julia even she is finding herself starting to question the algorithm. Can Grace choose between the neat and predictable equations or will she risk a love that does not follow the formula?

Asking For A Friend by Kara H.L. Chen

This upcoming Young Adult novel by Kara H.L. Chen is the perfect summer rom-com to look forward to! There are only two things that Juliana Zhao is certain of; that she is a love expert and that she is going to win the Asian Americans in Business Competition. But when Juliana is dropped by her project partner and forced to pair up with frenemy Garrett Tsai, everything starts to fall apart. Arguments ensue and Juliana is forced to realize that maybe winning isn't everything and that her sheltered worldview won’t make her the perfect daughter or successful woman she strives to be.

Manila Takes Manhattan by Carla de Guzman

When Filipino musician and producer Mon Mendoza finds himself struggling to fit in while in New York City, he finds comfort in making some pancit canton, and unintentionally finds himself on a date with his neighbor. Actress Olivia Angeles has taken on so many characters, but the one she struggles most to embody is her true self. She finds that in a one-night stand with her insanely attractive and excellent cook neighbor. But now, one month later, Olivia and Mon find themselves working on the same movie. Can the two of them remain professional or will their steaming chemistry become too much?

You Know What You Did by K.T. Nguyen

Annie “Anh Le” Shaw had grown up poor but is now wealthy, with everything that she could ever want in her life. But when her Vietnam War refugee mother suddenly and unexpectedly dies, Annie’s perfect world begins to fall apart. Her OCD comes storming back, but her disturbing thoughts and fixations are actually coming true. As more people start to disappear and die, suspicions turn to Annie. To save her husband and daughter, she distances herself only to be found naked and next to a dead body in a hotel room. But all that matters is protecting her family, even if she loses herself in the process.

Their Divine Fires by Wendy Chen

Covering three generations of Chinese women and their love and affairs, this debut novel by Wendy Chen explores the ideas of ancestors, secrets, and folklore. In 1917, Yunhong falls deeply in love with a wealthy landlord's son, but when her brother ruins their wedding he ensures that her daughter will never know her father. As time passes her daughter, Yuexin, passes on stories to her daughters who try to unravel the family’s secrets. This novel dives deep into family history: what the ancestors get to decide to pass down to their future family, and what gets lost to time forever.

One Last Word by Suzanne Park

Sara Chae is the creator of the One Last Word app, an app that allows you to send a message to anyone after you pass away. With obvious and secure safeguards in place, these messages are only sent out after people are 100% confirmed to be dead. Or at least that’s what they are supposed to do. But when Sara wakes up to find that her messages were released, everything goes wrong. Drunk messages to her emotionally abusive mother, her ex-best friend, and a love confession to her high school crush, Harry Shim, all get spilled, leaving Sara (who is very much alive) to deal with the fallout. But when she is offered a mentorship program from none other than Harry, she realizes that this could be a path forward and could lead to everything she’s dreamed of.

In a Not So Perfect World by Neely Tubati-Alexander

When Sloane Cooper is offered an interview for her dream job as a video game designer at a top company she is jumping for joy. But somehow during the interview process, in front of an all-male panel, she finds herself promising to not get involved in any romance to stay focused on her work. Unfortunately for her, her extremely hot neighbor Charlie offers to take her on an all-inclusive trip to a tropical resort to make his ex jealous and return to him. Sloane agrees, thinking that the trip will be good for her to focus on her work. But can she resist falling in love with this man in such a romantic setting? His love life and her career depend on it.