You鈥檙e a grown, independent woman living on your own in a kickass apartment, with聽the creative job of your dreams聽and a聽squad you love 鈥 and you have the聽best friend tattoos to prove it. You鈥檙e a total rockstar, in other words. And yet those adolescent feelings of sibling rivalry creep up every time you get off the phone with your older sister sharing the news of her recent promotion and perfect Pinterest summer vacation to New Zealand. Ugh. They鈥檙e totally natural feelings, but not ones you want to expend any of your precious energy fighting. So how to best combat them? Read on for four easy tips that鈥檒l have you genuinely celebrating #NationalSiblingDay next year.

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1. Recognize that anger and resentment are actually聽manifestations of hurt or frustration. Dr. Phil McGraw (yes, that Dr. Phil) suggests聽you ask yourself: 鈥淚f you had to take anger out of your vocabulary when discussing your relationship with your sibling and replace it with 鈥業t hurts me鈥 ,鈥 what would you say?鈥 If you find yourself jealous of your younger brother because he got a new job while you鈥檙e still looking, ask yourself if it hurts you that he got a new job. Probably not. Instead, you鈥檙e frustrated that you haven鈥檛 found one yet and his success may just be bringing up your own disappointment. Properly identifying your emotions can be a powerful tool in zapping rivalry.

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2. Invest your time and energy elsewhere. If your older sister鈥檚 bragging about her 鈥減erfect relationship鈥 tends to get you down (especially after those epically bad first dates), make sure you鈥檙e balancing that with time spent with friends or other family members who are more understanding or empathetic. Binge watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt with your single gal pals will surely send your sister鈥檚 sermons right out of your head.

3. Communicate honestly and genuinely. This one may seem like a no-brainer, but how often do you and your sibling respond to each other with passive aggressiveness, sarcasm or defensiveness? If your sister tells you she just scored that pair of awesome boots on sale that you both wanted, don鈥檛 immediately respond with a snide 鈥済ood for you.鈥 It may feel strange at first, but responding instead with 鈥淭hat鈥檚 awesome. Did they have any left in my size?鈥 will make you both feel better, promise.

4. Take your history and your parents out of it. Joe Rich, a relationship expert and author of Parenting: The Long Journey says聽鈥渟tarting with a clean slate will allow you to see your siblings in a whole new and, ideally, more positive light.鈥 Next time you feel your jaw clenching around your bro or sis, ask yourself if you鈥檇 feel as jealous or angry if it was your best friend telling you this news and try to react accordingly. Just because your sister pulled your hair when you were kids doesn鈥檛 mean you can鈥檛 move on and form a close, supportive friendship (or at least civil relationship!).

Tweet us @BritandCo and tell us what amazing things YOU鈥橵E been accomplishing lately!

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