5 Must-Ask Questions Before Committing to an LDR
Starting a long-distance relationship is a big decision. You have to feel really strongly for someone in order to be okay with missing out on typical relationship-y stuff, like having a weekly date night and snuggling on the couch watching Netflix shows whenever you feel like it. That being said, there are totally ways LDRs are amazing, especially since you get super close with your partner when you talk on the phone and video chat on the reg. Still, an LDR is a major commitment when it comes to time and emotional investment, so it’s important to have some specific conversations before jumping into coupledom-from-afar. We’ve rounded up the best advice from relationship experts on what needs to be brought up before you make the leap.
How will you deal with feeling disconnected?Rhonda Milrad, the licensed clinical social worker who founded Relationup, an app that provides live relationship advice. “The truth is that you don’t always feel as close to someone in an LDR as you do when you see them every day. With this disconnection can come feelings of insecurity, jealousy and fear,” Milrad shares. Being unable to get together whenever you want can make it even harder to deal with these feelings when they come up, so you need a plan. “You have to be able to manage these feelings and not let them get the better of you and result in accusations and fights,” she encourages.
2. When will you talk? This is one of the biggest, most important discussions you should have. Do you have enough time to communicate to keep your relationship going, and, if so, when will you do it? “You need to keep up connections that are both being spontaneous and scheduled,” explains Milrad, framing communication as “your life line.” Though having a busy schedule can make impromptu texts or calls hard, establishing habits around when you’ll make time for each other can make things a lot simpler. She suggests, “Create rituals throughout the day or week that involve different ways to connect: texts, sharing on social media, sending random photos, emailing updates about whatever and, most importantly, designated times to Skype, FaceTime or speak on the phone.”
Will one of you eventually move?Lisa Bahar, it is essential: “If this is not discussed, it becomes an underlying issue that gets worse over time.” Imagine putting tons of effort into a relationship and then finding out that one of you isn’t interested in eventually bridging the gap — definitely not ideal. “When this occurs, resentment builds due to assumptions or expectations,” notes Bahar. “Arguments and fear of bringing it up become a problem, and the overall relationship can be stressful. I have seen this happen.” For example, sometimes one person in a long-distance relationship will assume that the other is going to move to their location, while the other is expecting the opposite. Occasionally, people realize well into a relationship that they really don’t want to move and have no interest in following through, leaving their partner in the lurch. Ideally, it’s best to be honest about how real your desire to move is before you commit to a partnership. Even after you have things figured out, you should continue to check in on these plans throughout the relationship to make sure you’re still on the same page.
4. How will you cope if you feel sad? One of the realities of LDRs is that sometimes you’re going to have a bad day. “There is a sense of loss when you don’t have your partner present for celebrations, important events and everyday life events,” explains Milrad. “You will feel lonely and alone at times, and you need to be able to recognize that these feelings are part of the package of a being in a long-distance relationship.” Knowing what to expect and having a self-care plan for how to deal with those feelings will make a huge difference when you’re inevitably confronted by them.
What are the ground rules?Audrey Hope, celebrity relationship expert. “You have to get real with your goals and your intentions. If two people are clear and honest, their long-distance relationship can be a great, exciting adventure!” Some people might not be capable of being a completely open book, though. “Not everyone can handle the faraway love connections,” Hope warns. “You need an inner strength, a love of oneself and a deep confidence to trust in being with someone who is not in your immediate space.” While these qualities are important in all relationships, they’re even more so in LDRs.
Pocket doors are so delightful in and of themselves. They appear when you need them, get tucked away when you don't, and make it easy to define rooms while keeping an open floor plan. Add to the pocket door a joyful patterned wallpaper surprise, and you will be sent right into fits of visual jubilation! Or something ;) Today we're sharing two simple and impactful pocket door makeovers that zhuzh up your space in a jiffy.
Anjelika Temple here, co-founder of Brit + Co and proud owner of several pocket doors! When I moved into my first real grown-up house a couple years ago, I knew I wanted to incorporate wallpaper so reached out to our friends at Chasing Paper to see how we might collaborate. It felt like a total lightbulb moment when I realized I could create a surprise pop of pattern on a couple sets of pocket doors.
Not only is it a whimsical way to bring color into a space, but the doors double as picture-perfect backdrops for all your SFH (selfies from home, obvs).
A few pro tips about install:
- Removable wallpaper is miraculously forgiving! You can take it on and off multiple times without it losing integrity (or mucking up your surface).
- I ordered this adhesive wallpaper installation kit with a squeegee and xacto knife and it worked super well. I also recommend a sharp pair of scissors for cutting longer lines.
- This is a two-person job! Get a friend, put on a playlist, and get ready to bond.
- Wild, organic patterns like Tally are great because it's challenging to spot any imperfections in pattern alignment; keep pattern choice in mind if you've got a lot of corners to match up. More geometric patterns and larger shapes leave less room for error (but are awesome in their own right!).
BATHROOM POCKET DOORS
In our primary bathroom, we chose the wallpaper pattern Tally, designed by Kelly Ventura, in White and Navy. In our space, the navy reads as a soft black, which is perfect for the space. It's easy to combine an ever-rotating collection of linens with the Tally pattern.
I love how the white trim becomes the perfect frame around this pocket door piece of art.
My favorite moment in this space is the fact that you actually get a third pop of pattern thanks to our serendipitously placed mirror!
And yes, this one works pretty darn well as a backdrop too ;)
LIVING ROOM DOUBLE DOORS
This set of doors is definitely a focal point of our home. It separates our living room from our primary bedroom which opens onto our backyard. The doors are pretty much always open, but when they're closed we wanted to evoke a fun, nature-inspired vibe. With that in mind, we selected the Lines and Moons pattern by Thimblepress in Green and Brown.
Earth mama vibes up in here! I love how the shapes and colors echo the ferns you see through the windows and the acorn wood details throughout the house.
Love this pattern moment, and xacto-ing out the door handle is def on the oddly satisfying DIY list.
For a pattern lover like me, I love that now I have this instant photo backdrop!
Thanks to Chasing Paper for providing these rolls of pure pattern amazingness. Head to chasingpaper.com to find our own favorites and start adding patterns to your home!
(Wallpaper wingwoman: Kayla Haykin; Photography: Kurt Andre)