How to Deal When You Want to Date Your Friend’s Ex

1. Is Our Relationship Moving at the "Right" Pace?

“After moving in together, many couples notice they have doubts about the progression of their relationship," licensed psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson says. “Each partner may experience uncertainty about their own or their partner's timing and may suffer if they relate their partner's faster pace to being pushed or their partner's slower pace to feeling unappreciated or undervalued." Once you're sharing a space with your S.O. 24/7, you may be more sensitive than ever to the fact that you're not on the same page about things like engagement, in-laws, children, and more. If you're experiencing doubt about how — and how quickly — your relationship is moving forward, start talking about it with bae ASAP. See if you can recalibrate your expectations and open up communication.

2. How Should We Be Handling Our Finances?

There are plenty of romantic elements about moving in with a partner, but money is also at play… and that's not so romantic. If you and your significant other didn't have an extensive conversation about finances before the move-in actually happened, you may be finding that your new roomie has financial habits that make you feel uncomfortable now that you're sharing bills. Certified mental health professional and relationship expert from Maple Holistics Adina Mahalli suggests seeking outside help when possible for this kind of issue. Sign up for a financial management class together to help put those doubts at ease. If that's not doable for you, try setting up a very clear budget so you can get back on the same page.

3. Can I Handle These Quirks Full-Time?

In the glow of a new relationship, your sweetie's idiosyncrasies may seem more cute than annoying. But when you're dealing with them front and center, day in and day out? Maybe not so much. “Once you move in together, your rose-colored glasses start to wear off and seemingly endearing traits become more irritating and harder to overlook," DatingScout dating expert Celia Schweyer notes. “Living together means you have to experience real life with your partner." Navigating those real-life annoyances while keeping your relationship strong requires communication and compromise, Schweyer says. Speak up (respectfully) about the habits that bother you, and come to the table with suggestions that will allow you and your partner to live in harmony without changing who you are. It's better than bottling up your frustration and becoming resentful.

4. What if We Start To Feel Like Roommates?

If, after living together for a while, you and your S.O. start to feel less like romantic partners and more like, well, roomies, don't panic. It happens. But it may create some doubt. Matchmaker, relationship expert, and Platinum Poire founder Rori Sassoon tells us that roommate syndrome can be solved by putting in some serious mutual work. Both of you will need to step up your game, communicate, and figure out how to get the dynamic back on track.

5. What If My Partner Starts to Hate My Quirks?

Just as you might suddenly doubt your relationship because your significant other's quirks are on display full-time, you may start to get insecure about how they perceive your quirks. “You will become more relaxed in your own home and less willing or able to keep up a show," marriage coach and relationship expertLesli Doares says. “This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can come as a surprise." Be open-minded about hearing your partner's feedback and don't shy away from trying to improve on some of the habits that cause issues.

Problematic Message: Love is the most exciting when it’s forbidden.

Even if you haven’t seen the romantic comedy, you’ve definitely seen the GIFs: Andrew Lincoln, playing Mark, professing his love for Keira Knightley’s character through handwritten signs, one of which reads the famous line, “To me, you are perfect.” Yes, it’s ultra-romantic — until you look a little closer. “Although we all love an honest display of love, making a play and expressing your love for your best friend’s wife is not a good start for a relationship, on or off screen,” Tcharkhoutian says.

And the most harmful part of these fictional narratives is that they only show a fraction, if any, of the fallout. “This is a toxic dynamic that devalues the dignity of marriage and romanticizes the idea of being in love with someone who is ‘off-limits,’ without portraying the harsh realities of this kind of basis for a relationship,” Tcharkhoutian explains.

Problematic Message: A relationship that began with ulterior motives can become healthy and functional.

There’s no denying that Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are a dreamy pair, but in this movie, their relationship is a nightmare. Their quick rise to love is certainly entertaining, but the foundation of their relationship makes it impossible to exist outside of fiction.

The two meet as means to prove themselves at their respective jobs, and in true rom-com fashion, their supposedly real feelings take off from there. Tcharkhoutian cautions against this behavior in real life. “This can set up a relationship to be something in which a person is objectified as a vehicle to help you meet your needs, instead of a mutual union and partnership with pure and honest motives of loving each other through thick and thin,” she says.

Lucy and Jack in "While You Were Sleeping"

Problematic Message: Falling in love with the idea of someone can result in a happy ending.

No one can resist a Sandra Bullock romantic comedy, so it’s no surprise this movie is still revered as a classic of the genre. It has all the necessary components: an unrealistic plot (she saves a man’s life, is confused for his fiancée by his family, and then falls in love with his brother while he’s in a coma — like, come on!), a handsome boy-next-door lead and, of course, love. However, much like the relationship in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, the foundation is faulty.

Falling in love with the idea of someone, as Sandra Bullock’s character does, doesn’t equate to falling in love with the actual person, Tcharkhoutian clarifies, and to start a relationship with this basis in real life is ill-advised.

Problematic Message: True love lies in the next adventure, which is far from your hometown and your past relationship.

Who hasn’t dreamt of traveling to a foreign country; staying in a cozy, remote cottage; and falling in love with someone even half as good-looking as Jude Law? Well, there’s a reason it’s a mere fantasy. Tcharkhoutian describes the phenomenon in The Holiday movie as escapism — the idea that you need to escape from your day-to-day life to find true happiness or, in this case, true love.

Although it’s fun to dream, if taken too far, this particular romantic comedy mentality can lead to irrational expectations. “This escapism mentality can create a false belief that international [relationships] are sustainable in the long-term,” Tcharkhoutian remarks. “True healthy relationships survive and thrive in the everyday, mundane routine, not in the exciting international adventure that depends on thrill and distance.”

Which rom-com couples stay together?

However, there are PLENTY of romantic comedy relationships we love! Some of our favorites include Nick and Rachel in Crazy Rich Asians, Matty and Jenna in 13 Going on 30, Harry and Sally in Meg Ryan's When Harry Met Sally, Elle and Emmett in Legally Blonde, and Peter and Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

The first step to bettering your 5K is to pick a race and sign up for it — most cities have a few 5K to choose from each weekend, so there should be plenty to choose from. Having a race on the calendar ensures you won’t skip out on your training. I recommend giving yourself 8-10 weeks to properly train.

The best 5K training plans, in my opinion, include 4-5 days of running a week. Every week should include:

• One or two speed workouts
• A few easy jogs
• A long run

You should never run hard or fast two days in a row — easy jogging and rest between speed workouts are both essential for rebuilding muscles damaged with hard workouts. Here's how each of the three main training workouts should go.

Speed Workouts

Every speed workout should begin with a 5-10 minute jogging warm up and a 5-10 minute jog/walk cooldown. This will help ensure you do not pull or strain any muscles.

The actual "speed" part of speed workouts can go one of two ways:

• Run 2-3 minutes at a harder 7 out of 10 effort, with a standing or walking rest of 2-3 minutes between each push.
• Run 6-8 repeats of a steep hill for 45-60 seconds in length with a walk back down, before repeating again.

Easy Jogs

Easy jogs should be kept at a conversational pace, so this would be a good time to grab your girlfriend or hop on the phone if you want some company. The best jogs should be about 2-3 miles in length, or 20-35 minutes in duration.

Long Runs

Long runs are arguably the most important workout of the week, and anyone trying to better their 5K time should make sure to include them in their training plan. Like the name suggests, a long run should be your longest run of the week. Your longest run can be anywhere from three miles at the beginning of the plan to 12 miles if you're an experienced and seasoned vet. I recommend starting with 3 miles at the beginning of your 8-10 week plan and working your way up to 5-8 miles by the end. You should do this by adding one half to a full mile each week. Although it may sound silly to run 8 miles in order to run a 3.1 mile race, this will help build your endurance more than any of your other weekly runs. Having endurance will make the race seem easier, and I can guarantee you'll pass people left and right in your final mile.

Note: You should also have at least 10 days between your longest long run and your 5k race so that you can feel as fresh as possible on race day.

The most important thing to remember on race day is to not go out too fast. If you sprint the first mile, the rest of the race will be miserable. Race day adrenaline will make you jittery and willing to sprint at the start, but working on controlling that will ensure a better race experience. Try to make your second and third mile faster than your first and give it all in the last .1 mile. After you’re done, soak in the race day atmosphere and grab a free banana! Don’t forget that the post race pain is temporary and remember not to sign up for another race while on an endorphin high!