How Social Media Is Hurting Your Mental Health

B+C: Why do you think so many of us are overthinking things, especially in the age of modern social media?

Amanda Montell: I decided to title the book The Age of Magical Overthinking because I couldn't help but notice that there just seems to be an inexplicable, excessive [amount of] delulu in the culture despite the fact we're living in the so-called information age. Everything from people with Master's degrees basing their genuine decisions on astrology to, you know, my neighbors opting not to get the Covid vaccine because a TikToker — a like, white girlie with a Bindi — told them it would downgrade their DNA.

Stuff like that didn't seem to check out for me, especially since we're ostensibly living in a time when you can fact check anything with the click of a button. I was like, 'What is going on here,' and as it turns out, what is going on is this innate clash between our innate decision-making shortcuts — the processes by which we always jump to conclusions in order to make quick decisions to make sense of the world enough to survive it. There's a clash between those age old decision-making methods called cognitive biases and the information age in a way that is ending up pretty explosive for society at large...and is causing us a great deal of existential pain.

So, magical thinking — or the idea that our internal thoughts can affect external events — is a human quirk that has been around since the dawn of our species. But I think overthinking is really a product of the modern age or result of this capitalistic pressure to be right about everything under the sun...

B+C: How do you think this is impacting the way we interact with each other?

Amanda Montell: There's a lot going on. We need to interact in person in order to have empathy...to establish the social glue that keeps us from getting into extremely fraud and sometimes violent ideological conflict. I think there's the idea that the internet is causing ideological rifts to widen and I think in a way that's true, but what's more problematic is the fact we are engaging in social discourse in a medium that prevents that empathy from holding us together.

I think almost everyone can relate to the experience of receiving a curt email from a boss or receiving a salty Instagram comment that sends us into fight or flight. We're responding to non-threats — these sort of abstract disagreements or fake problems — that we're projecting panic onto.

B+C: Can you break down the halo effect for our readers?

Amanda Montell: It was so much fun to explore this particular cognitive bias early in the book because I felt like it really would set up the whole thesis of it quite well. Basically the halo effect is this penchant admire one quality in a person — their fashion sense, their intelligence, the way they blend an oat milk latte — and then assume they must be perfect overall. This halo effect connects to the ways ancient humans used to find role models for survival purposes in our communities.

Ages ago, you used to clock someone in your small village with big muscles...and figure, 'Oh they must be a skilled hunter or they've avoided disfigurement from battle. I would love to align myself with this person for survival,' even though you're jumping to conclusions about them. Their big muscles might not necessarily indicate that they're skilled in battle or they're a good hunter, but it's an efficient enough decision to make.

We're not mapping that conclusion jumping onto modern parasocial relationships. We see a pop star whose music we really connect to and assume they must be educated, worldly, nurturing, they're political beliefs align with ours in this particular time when we're losing so much trust in the government...Basically since the Regan era — our first celebrity President — celebrities have really started swerving into other aspects of life (spiritual, political, etc.,)...

Rapid Fire Q&A

B+C: What are some some of the things you're currently obsessing over?

Amanda Montell: That's so funny you asked that because on this new podcast — The Magical Overthinkers — I also am opening every episode by asking 'What's an irrational thought spiral that's living rent-free in your head?'

I am totally overthinking my book tour outfits right now. Speaking of consumerism as like a distracting or numbing exercise, launching a book is very stressful and the one thing that made me feel some sense of relief is just shopping for cute outfits. I've been buying a lot of plaid skirt suits. The vibe is definitely 90s nostalgic, a little dark academia meets cochette.

B+C: If you were to give yourself five days to unplug from social media, how would you spend your time?

Amanda Montell: Great question. You know what? I'm setting up a week like this for myself in May after the book tour stuff dies down. After my last book Cultish came out, I was unwell in the mind. I felt so exposed and so fragile. I was like, 'I need to send myself on some kind of retreat,' so I sent myself on this little solo excursion to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina and it was so healing...I went and lived in an Airstream for a couple of days. I was doing nature walks and lying in a hammock journaling...

The Age of Magical Overthinking

Watch the Full Interview with Amanda Montell:

Since its debut on February 14, Love Is Blind Season 6 has taken viewers across the globe (yes, the globe—my London-based sister is a devoted watchee) on a journey. We’ve gathered for the proposals, the dismissals, the guffaws, and the cringes alike, collectively sitting on the edge of ours eats wondering: will they or won’t they? And, while there are indeed a myriad of hot takes to unpack from the final three episodes of Season 6, I’ve found my brain clouded by another query: why is Love Is Blind is so damn watchable in the first place?

Reality TV is often dismissed by the masses as a collective evil. A vapid, low-brow, mindless behemoth of capitalistic exploitation with little to offer in the way of social and cultural enrichment. A waste of time; a media outlet designed only for the lowest common denominator of viewership. In fact, reality TV opponents are so vocal that naysayers have even lobbied against the industry as a whole, claiming the long term effects of watching this form of unscripted entertainment are very real and, more importantly, very detrimental.

According to a 2023 Rolling Stones article, “Not only have studies proven [reality TV] affects our mental health, research has also shown a correlation between watching certain programs and an increase in aggression, manipulation, and narcissism in viewers.” Yikes.

Admittedly, it was not long ago that I, too, was in the camp of people who steadfastly maintained a pretentious judgment for all things reality. I just appreciate shows with a bit more... substance, I’d pompously assert at dinner parties to anyone trying to convince me otherwise.

When my dad suffered a life-altering stroke in 2018, however, somehow this catastrophic personal event coincided perfectly with the airing of Arie Luyendyk’s season of The Bachelor. Try as I might to look elsewhere, allowing the darkness of my personal life to slip away during these weekly two-hour reality show ventures was the perfectly mindless antidote to all of the stress I was experiencing in my waking hours.

Similarly, that same year, when my husband’s mother was diagnosed with Cancer, my sister-in-law and I began ceremoniously ending each night of caregiving by sitting on the couch with Ramona, LuAnn, Sonja, Dorinda, and Bethenny, soothing ourselves to sleep with the dulcet sounds of The Real Housewives of New York arguing over bottle number eight of Veuve whilst on girls’ weekend in the“Bezerkshires.”

I can say with confidence: I truly do not think I would have made it through my personal year of hell without the vacuous outlet provided to me by all things reality TV. Since then, I’ve been hooked. After all, nothing like the zeal of a convert.

In 2022, BBC Radio 4 released the podcast Unreal: A Critical History of Reality TV. Now, for anyone living under a rock, it’s pertinent to note that the BBC is a British media conglomerate that is generally considered to be highly reputable. Thus, their content is, of course, consistently credible. Throughout Unreal, a 10-part investigative radio series, the BBC critically examines the irreplaceable role reality TV plays in defining, mirroring, and preserving the social and cultural zeitgeist of a given era. The program presents reality television history chronologically, episodically unpacking the most highly-watched reality TV shows across the last, now, fifty-some years, beginning with 1973’s An American Family—the prolific reality vanguard, widely considered to be the bellwether for this era of media consumption.

Besides being a must-listen, Unreal makes the case that reality television should not be written off simply as fluff. On the contrary, journalists (and hosts) Pandora Sykes and Sirin Kales suggest that reality TV provides, arguably, one of the most astute reflections of a society at a given time. I don’t necessarily disagree. Which brings me back to Love Is Blind—and, more acutely, the fact that almost every single person I know (collectively spanning a myriad of genders, sexualities, races, and ages) has dutifully tuned in to each and every episode of Season 6. Surely there is something more prescient to be gleaned from a show with this much cross-cultural buy-in. A show whose viewership spans, quite literally, all identities.

What is it about LIB that has us all hooked? Yes, there are the scandals (Trevor was in love with someone else! JerAmey was engaged! Kwame and Chelsea are... still together?). Or maybe it’s the backdoor legal cover-ups (according to one knowledgeable TikTok user: the vetting process is nonsense, producers are suing contestants for breaching NDAs, and any engaged participant who fails to make it to the altar has to pay the studio an alleged $50K). Or, further still, perhaps it’s simply the fact that, due to social media, we can all now follow the contestants in real time, peering voyeuristically into their lives as they unabashedly, and simultaneously, air their dirty laundry on national television. The only thing I think we can all agree is not the culprit for committed viewership is Nick and Vanessa Lachey’s gormless double act.

Alternative theories aside, perhaps the real reasoning behind our collective addiction is far more simple. The Occam's razor of it all, if you will. Perhaps we are all hooked simply because we are sitting here, in partial disbelief, wondering: what the heck is love anyway? Are these people—or any people, for that matter—actually able to “fall in love” without knowing what someone looks like? Is it genuinely possible to commit to a lifelong partnership after a mere 38 days of knowing someone? And, if we are indeed to allow ourselves, as viewers, to believe in this process (or, more shrewdly, allow ourselves to suspend our disbelief), how does this potential “reality” inform our own view of love? After watching this season—and, with it, exploring these theories on my own—I venture to argue the show itself could be retitled: Love Is...?

It doesn’t help that Americans are facing an unprecedented era of isolation and solitude. Commonly referred to as the Loneliness Epidemic, studies over the last two years have shown that Americans—of all ages, races, genders, sexualities, and so on—are far more likely to experience feelings of solitude than ever before. Bearing this disturbing reality in mind, it’s hard to look at a show like Love Is Blind without a more critical eye attuned to unearthing what itch this program is scratching for so many viewers in search of love themselves. Is meeting someone blind the answer to our collective cries of loneliness? Hard to say, yes—but, also foolish to disregard completely at this point.

I do not know exactly why we all keep watching LIB, season in and season out. But, if Unreal’s assertion is to be believed, then one must accept that something about this show is indeed capturing the current cultural milieu. Maybe we all are, in fact, watching in search of a mindless outlet to serve as the salve for adulthood’s ever-increasing stressors. Or perhaps we keep tuning in to further inform our own subjective views of love, partnership, and marriage. Whatever the case, the [not so] cult following is real and, I would go so far as to say, deserved.

Lawsuits, scandals, and in-joke Tweets notwithstanding, you bet we will all be tuning for Season 7 when the time comes. But, in the meantime, onto Love Is Blind Sweden. Though the subtitles are a bit of a beast at first, once you get past that minor literary challenge, you’ll be hooked in no time.

May 2024: How to End a Love Story

How to End a Love Story by Yulin Kuang

April 2024: The Most Fun We Ever Had

The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo

When Marilyn Connolly and David Sorenson fell in love, all they knew is that nothing could shake their foundation. Despite their unwavering hope in the past, their current reality looks differently than they imagined. Their four daughters — Wendy, Violet, Liza, and Grace — each have a unique set of problems that creates of chaos for the family. From the loss of one's husband to the secrets the youngest daughter keeps, the Sorensons are never quite sure what to expect.

In a shocking turn of events, a young man — Jonah Bendt — shows up and reveals that one of the daughters is his mom. He was placed up for adoption some time ago, but he's ready to come home to learn more about his biological family. There may be drama in The Most Fun We Ever Had, but there's still a family who finds a way back to the love that Marilyn and David have always believed in.

Art student Raquel only comes Anita de Monte's story after she starts feeling like she's starting to make a name for herself among College Hill's socialites. The more she learns about how Anita's life was horrifically cut short, she starts drawing parallels between their lives. It's almost like history is repeating itself and it's hitting too close to home.

As Gonzalez alternates between both of their perspectives, Raquel and Anita's lives begin to intersect in a way that makes Anita de Monte Laughs Last the kind of novel that'll have you thinking about it longer after you finish the last page.

Redwood Court reads like a historical love letter to Black families and contains relationships that remind me of my own family. When Mika Tabor starts asking questions about her family's history, she receives much more than her class assignment asked for. The more she listens to her grandparents and observes her parents, she realizes they've been telling her meaningful stories all along. From tales of racism to the sweet grasp of a world that began moving past obvious racial tension, this novel offers a glimpse into the homes of many Black families.

While I often say I'd like to pass down books to my kids, Redwood Court has become something that I feel is mandatory to read.

January 2024: "First Lie Wins" by Ashley Elston

Reese's Book Club is coming in hot with their first pick of the year! This thriller of a reader is all about "Evie Porter" and her separate identities. One paints the picture of who she truly is, but her job places her in the position of assuming a new name in order to complete the mission given to her by Mr. Smith. She's never met Mr. Smith, her boss, but she has the inkling that her latest mission hits a little too close to home.

Does he know more about her than she realizes and can she successfully fulfill the goal he has for? Buy your copy of First Lie Wins today to find out!

What would you do if you knew a terrible secret that involved the death of one of your best friends? In Before We Were Innocent, Bess and Joni find themselves trying to escape answering this. However, some things are hard to bury — especially when the past comes knocking in the form of Joni. Will the two former best friends be able to maintain their innocence or will they have to accept the truth about themselves?

If the past few years have felt like you've been stuck in a weird time loop, you'll love this page turner by Cesca Major. Maybe Next Time follows Emma as she navigates being a busy literary agent, wife and mother - except she only seems to have time for her career. When her husband is involved in a tragic car accident, Emma finds herself distraught only to wake up and see him alive again.

As the scenario continues to repeat, Emma will have to dig deep inside herself to correct patterns she's been a part of her to save not only her husband but life as she knows it.

Starling House is a daring tale of what happens when dreams meet determination, grit and evil. All Opal wants to do is create a haven for herself and her brother Jasper but she'll have to fight for it once she finds herself in the mysterious mansion of author E. Starling. In the depths of the shadows, she'll come face to face with things that'll test her resilience.

The women of the Rubicon family have a lot to tangle with in Mother-Daughter Murder Night. When powerful matriarch Lana's granddaughter Jack becomes the prime suspect in an unsolved murder, Lana becomes determined to find a killer instead of waiting for her disease to have it's last say. Find out what Nina Simon has in store for the town the Rubicons find themselves living in.

Tom Lake weaves a beautiful tale of remembered love and viewing the humanity of one's parent. When Lara begins to regale her three daughters of a former romance she shared with actor Peter Duke at Tome Lake, they begin to take stock of what they know about their mom as well as their own love lives.

Heartbreak has the potential to make you swear off love, which is something that late night writer Sally Milz knows all too well. She's also a firm believer in the "Danny Horst Rule," the phenomenon where average looking men exclusively date women more attractive than them — until pop star Noah Brewster shows up to host the late night show. Join her for an intoxicating love ride that makes her change her perspective.

If you love a good romance-murder mystery, you'll fall in love with Kya's story. After the town's golden boy winds up dead, everyone in town begins blaming Kya for his murder. With heartbreak and triumph woven throughout, Where The Crawdads Sing will become the summer read you can't put down.

Even when forbidden, love seems to find a way in The House of Eve. 15-year-old Ruby is set to be her family's first college attendee, until it appears a scandalous affair will bring her back into poverty. Meanwhile, Eleanor's in love with William, a member of an elite Black family in D.C. that doesn't let just anyone in. The lives of both women will collide in an unexpected way as they forge their own paths.

Maya witnessed her friend's sudden death in the woods seven years ago. Now, with nothing except a few hazy memories, she's determined to figure out what she saw, and who's behind it. The House In The Pines is proof that sometimes our past — and their secrets — don't stay dead.

Life can feel like a dumpster fire sometimes which is why Tiny Beautiful Things feels like a soothing hug. If you love advice columns, you'll love the beautiful compilation of questions "Dear Sugar" answers within the pages as Clare sets out to offer advice while her own life falls apart. After you read the book, check out our interview with Sarah Pidgeon, who stars in the Hulu series!

New friends Mia and Elena are pitted against each other when everyone in town splits over a custody battle. Adapted into a mini-series on Hulu at the beginning of the pandemic, Little Fires Everywhere is a tale that shows everything isn't always what it seems, and there are always secrets to be discovered.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time is a novel that explores the lengths a mother is willing to take to prevent her son from doing something unspeakable. Will she be able to piece together clues in time or will all hope remain lost?

This titular novel turned Emmy award-nominated Amazon Prime series Daisy Jones & The Six explores the rise — and fall — of a legendary (and fictional) band.

This heartwarming book about life at the River Valley School for the Deaf, and all of its students with completely different backgrounds, will make you laugh and cry with its beautiful depiction of human connection.

If you've never liked hearing "How can you hate from outside the club? You can't even get in," you'll be glad you're not a part of this members-only society. The club has been pushed to its limit and everyone has something to hide.

Nan infiltrates Agatha Christie's home in 1925, intent on luring her husband away. There's something about love, affairs, and dark secrets that make for a good read, and you won't be able to get enough of this tale where things aren't always what they seem.

"She's so lucky" ...or is she? Lucky redefines what it means to be honest when the titular character completes a million-dollar heist, and is left stranded by the very people who taught her how to scam.

When Anna learns the father she never knew is still alive, she travels to West Africa in search of answers. The tale of self-discovery through one's history, as well as the themes of home and belonging, is something we all long to understand at some point.

Families can be complicated, and the Alvarados are no different. If you're looking for a little break from your own family dynamics, you'll get a kick out of reading along as they navigate evacuations, relationship problems, and their father's obsession with the Weather Channel.

What happens when desire spills over and threatens to unravel everything two friends have built? The Paper Palace answers that as Elle must choose between continuing the life she has dedicated herself to and the life she never got to live.

When former lovers Eva and Shane reunite in the midst of their successful literary careers, they find that their chemistry is still as strong as it used to be. But, will the flame fizzle before their lingering questions are answered or will Eva choose vulnerability before Shane disappears again?

What would you do if your significant other disappeared without a trace, only leaving a cryptic note behind? In Hannah's case, she sets out on an unpredictable mission for answers — regardless of what lies ahead. After you read the book, check out our interview with Angourie Rice, who stars in the Apple TV+ series!

Le Sommet is a sanatorium-turned-luxury hotel in the Swiss Alps. Detective Elin arrives to celebrate her estranged brother Isaac's engagement to Laure, and her discomfort turns to all-out horror when Laure goes missing.

DNA tests can reveal new information about our ancestry, but when Abby learns that she has an older sister — and that her older sister is an Instagram star — the women decide to meet up and get to the bottom of why their parents split them up in the first place.

Nothing brings families together like food and age-old rivalries, something that sisters Amanda and Mae learn firsthand when they end up on opposite sides of a cooking competition. If you love hit TV series The Bear, you'll love The Chicken Sisters.

Other Stories On Reese Witherspoon's Book Club List

• "Yellowface" by R.F. Kuang
• "Cassandra in Reverse" by Holly Smale
• "Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?" by Crystal Smith Paul
• "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah
• "The Marriage Portrait" by Maggie O'Farrell
• "Our Missing Hearts" by Celeste Ng
• "On The Rooftop" by Margaret Wilkerson Sexton
• "Honey & Spice" by Bolu Babalola
• "Counterfeit" by Kirstin Chen
• "The Dictionary of Lost Words" by Pip Williams
• "Anatomy" by Dana Schwartz
• "Honor" by Thrity Umrigar
• "The Island of Missing Trees" by Elif Shafak
• "Within These Wicked Walls" by Lauren Blackwood
• "We Were Never Here" by Andrea Bartz
• "The Downstairs Girl" by Stacey Lee
• "Tokyo Ever After" by Emiko Jean
• "Northern Spy" by Flynn Berry
• "Firekeeper's Daughter" by Angeline Boulley
• "Infinite Country" by Patricia Engel
• "Outlawed" by Anna North
• "The Light in Hidden Places" by Sharon Cameron
• "A Cuban Girl's Guide to Tea and Tomorrow" by Laura Taylor Namey
• "Group" by Christie Tate
• "Fable" by Adrienne Young
• "His Only Wife" by Peace Medie Adzo
• "Furia" by Yamile Saied Mendez
• "The Last Story of Mina Lee" by Nancy Jooyoun Kim
• "You Should See Me in a Crown" by Leah Johnson
• "Everything Inside" by Edwidge Danticat
• "I'm Still Here" by Austin Channing Brown
• "The Guest List" by Lisa Foley
• "The Henna Artist" by Alka Joshi
• "UNTAMED" by Glennon Doyle
• "The Jetsetters" by Amanda Eyre Ward
• "The Scent Keeper" by Erica Bauermeister
• "Such a Fun Age" by Kiley Reid
• "Conviction" by Denise Mina
• "The Giver of Stars" by Jojo Moye
• "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky
• "The Secrets We Kept" by Lara Prescott
• "The Last House Guest" by Megan Miranda
• "Whisper Network" by Chandler Baker
• "The Cactus" by Sarah Haywood
• "From Scratch" by Tembi Locke
• "The Night Tiger" by Yangsze Choo
• "The Proposal" by Jasmine Guillory
• "The Library Book" by Susan Orlean
• "One Day in December" by Josie Silver
• "The Other Woman" by Sandie Jones
• "This Is How It Always Is" by Laurie Frankel
• "Still Lives" by Maria Hummel
• "Next Year in Havana" by Chanel Cleeton
• "Something in the Water" by Catherine Steadman
• "You Think It, I'll Say It" by Curtis Sittenfeld
• "Happiness" by Heather Harpham
• "Erotic Stories For Punjabi Widows" by Balli Kaur Jaswal
• "The Light We Lost" by Jill Santopolo
• "Braving the Wilderness" by Brené Brown
• "The Last Mrs. Parrish" by Liv Constantine
• "The Is the Story of a Happy Marriage" by Ann Patchett
• “The Rules of Magic” by Alice Hoffman
• "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware
• "The Alice Network" by Kate Quinn
• "Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine" by Gail Honeyman