Creative Relationship Advice from Creatives: An Aerial Dancer + Musician Who Make It Work

When it comes to love, everyone’s got a theory about what makes relationships work. Some say opposites attract, some say it’s all about timing. However you slice it, there’s just something amazing that happens when two creative souls meet and fall head over heels for one another. Such is the case of Tolly Moseley and Ross Carnes, two kind-hearted, industrious Texans who are making their living in the arts — and an impact on the lives of others too — as they raise their young daughter Nico in the warm, weird city of Austin. Scroll on to meet the first couple in our new Creative Mates series, which features crafty duos doing interesting things worth talking about (and swooning over too).
For her part, Tolly is the definition of a multi-hyphenate, engaging in three separate creative endeavors that come together to form a layered creative career. A freelance writer whose work has appeared in The Atlantic, Salon and other high-profile culture outlets, she also spends her time as the co-host of a popular podcast called Statesman Shots and is the co-founder of an aerial dance troupe appropriately called Rapt Aerial Dance. Ross keeps the beat with his own music studio, We Love Music, where he works primarily with kids, teaching open-ended, child-centered individual and group lessons in a literal school of rock. As if that weren’t awesome enough on its own, he’s also a woodworker on the side.
How These Creatives Date
The couple, who has been together for 11 years and married for eight, don’t confine their creativity to their careers. In fact, it tends to creep into their date nights as well, and even their vacations are filled with unconventional adventures.
“On our honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, we took a drive out to the jungle to see the place where the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie Predator was filmed,” Ross says. “I’m not sure why we went there as a date on our honeymoon. I really love that movie, but visiting the set of a film about being hunted down in the jungle by an invisible alien that keeps killing your friends is not the most intuitive choice for a romantic getaway. Even so, it turned out to be quite magical! There’s this charming little restaurant alongside a waterfall, tucked away in the pristine jungle. It’s the perfect place to have lunch, swim and fall in love with each other while a grotesque monster glares down on the whole scene from the roof of a mangled helicopter.”
When it comes to dates back home, Tolly recalls a particularly memorable night out. “We once went to a show in Austin called ‘The Acro-Cats,’ which is a touring company of house cats who do tricks!” she says. “At the end of the show, they form a band called ‘The Rock Cats’ and play instruments. This is real, look it up,” she adds.
How These Creatives Work
On the professional front, while their ventures remain separate, the couple say they keep each other motivated just by doing what they love in close proximity to one another.
“I think we each are so engrossed in what we do in our respective careers that we get extra motivated when we occasionally get to stop what we’re doing and see what the other has been up to,” Ross says. “Sometimes it happens really naturally though. There have been many occasions when I’ve been teaching a private drum set lesson in my studio with my student seated at the drums next to a large window that looks into our backyard. There’s a tree back there with an aerial silk hanging from it. On certain days, I’ll be facing the student and see Tolly through the window behind them, elegantly twirling in midair as our toddler sits on a blanket nearby, playing with her stuffed animals. Those are definitely the moments when I really have to stop for a moment and just be grateful for what we have.”
When asked what she admires most about Ross’s career, Tolly says, “What I love about Ross and what he does for a living is definitely the way he makes kids feel. His students leave the studio with enormous grins on their faces, and that’s because the way he teaches is so unique and special. He has a great sense of humor and makes kids laugh a lot, but most importantly, he tailors his lessons to what they are interested in and works from there. He makes kids feel like he cares about them and not just them ‘getting’ a piece of music. Because of that connection, he’s got a ton of students, and some that he’s been working with for over 10 years.”
When asked what he adores about the way Tolly rocks her career, Ross says, “What I love about what Tolly does for a living has more to do with who she is than anything else. Tolly treats everyone she meets with equal enthusiasm, interest and integrity. It never comes as a surprise for me that whenever she meets someone new, they both walk away feeling like they have just made a new great friend — and they have! Like I said, it doesn’t surprise me, but it surprises her! To be more direct, though, about the nuts and bolts of what makes her successful, she really works hard and is determined and methodical about meeting her goals. A few years ago, she set her sights on a few things: silks, being a freelance writer and starting a podcast. She is now simultaneously juggling all of those things, along with our 18 month-old, and coming out smelling like roses.”
How These Creatives Handle Competition
As for creative competition, both say there isn’t any. “Ross has no desire to dance on silks and I have no desire to play an instrument,” Tolly says. “He tried to teach me bass once, but it didn’t take. He’s also a woodworker and I’m also a writer, and there’s no crossover interest there, either. Even though I think Ross is a great writer.” Ross echoes: “On the professional end, we both work from home and have the power to choose who we work with, so in that way, we’re equal. Creatively, we both have multiple outlets, so it’s hard to get jealous.”
And as for the glue that keeps them together, Tolly says a big part of it is gratitude.
“Ross’s school has these twice-a-year rock recitals,” she explains. “They’re held at a local rock venue in Austin, with a stage, sound guy, lights, etc., and the kids look and feel totally legit up there. It’s amazing to see this whole community of families out there cheering for these kids, who are often playing original pieces they wrote themselves. My mom always comes to these shows too, and invariably leans over to me to say, ‘Can you believe that’s your husband?!’ to which I say, ‘No! I can’t believe it!’ And that’s the thing Ross and I say to each other every day, that we are so lucky to have the jobs we do, the baby we do, to have each other. I know that sounds so corny, bordering on barfy, but we’ve always felt like we’re two of the luckiest people on the planet. I hope we always do.”
Do you know any cool + crafty couples we should feature? Tweet us about them at @BritandCo and they might appear in a future Creative Mates column!
(Images via Tolly Moseley and We Love Music)
Artist Dev Heyrana On How Bravery, Resilience and Sunshine Influence Her Work
Ever meet someone who you feel immediate kinship with on a deep almost spiritual level? That is legit every person's experience upon meeting Dev Heyrana, the star of this edition of Creative Crushin'. A fine artist, hip hop dance teacher and constant collaborator, Dev's particular brand of creativity is one-of-a-kind. She manages to be warm, welcoming and woke, with a focus on inclusivity, social justice and motherhood that comes through in every piece of art she creates.
Anjelika Temple here, co-founder of Brit + Co and one of many humans who has benefitted from Dev's boundless generosity and kindness. We first connected at a launch event, then I asked her if she and her family would like to model for a B+C shoot (they did!), then months later, I asked the IG universe if anyone would be down to co-parent with me for a day so I could speak at a conference. Dev said yes! And for those that know her, none of these serendipitous moments are surprising.
Now it's time to delve more into Dev's story, her creative inspiration, her thoughtful approach to parenting and what makes her more passionate than ever about bringing her point of view and artistic voice into the universe.
Anjelika Temple: First, foundations. Where did you grow up? What is your heritage? What did you study in school? Where do you live now?
Dev Heyrana: Born in The Philippines and immigrated to the U.S. when I was 9 years old. Me and my family are from the island of Cebu and I'm a proud Cebuana. My childhood in the Philippines felt like freedom. I had my swimsuit in my backpack for whenever we decided to swim and I biked everywhere.
Immigrating here at 9 yrs old was a transition, to say the least. My parents had big dreams but the move was heavy on them. It wasn't easy. I had to grow up fast. I took care of my sisters while my parents worked night shifts. By the age of 12 I would cook dinner and get my sisters ready for bed. Something I didn't realize was that kids my age didn't do those things until I got older. We would play these make-believe games to make, in hindsight, our hard situation brighter.
I think this is really when art played a big role in my life. It was something I could escape in and always felt healing.
I witnessed racism towards my family and didn't know how to make sense of it. These events left a mark. I was a quiet kid and observed everything and everyone around me. I think about my grandparents, Lolo Jose and Lola Rita, a lot as I walk through life. When I make decisions. As hard as it feels, you have two choices, do you let it take you down or take it one step at a time forward. I kept going and it really shaped me as to why I am the way I am today.
I studied Fine Arts at The Corcoran in DC. I owe that decision to my art teacher, Mr Giles, in High School. He was retiring and wore a Hawaiian shirt every day during my senior year. He was a curmudgeon and I felt incredibly special since out of everyone in the school he really believed in me. As grumpy as he seemed to the class, he would tell me things like "Go into the other studio and break some glass, then put it on a canvas." He's the reason why my abstract pieces have elements like clay and sand in them.
I've had incredible mentors and all were teachers. Mr. Giles in High School and Christine George in College. Christine was the one who told me to go either to New York or San Francisco because "D.C. is no place for an artist like you." She told me to not listen to anyone, how I can still paint, be a graphic designer, and, if I choose to, have a family. I've never had anyone tell me anything like that before.
I took a chance because of her. Moved and went to Design School in 2006 and I've stayed in the Bay Area ever since, raising two girls with the love of my life.
Anj: You are one of those magical human beings that has figured out how to be a full-time artist. What was your career path like before you were able to dive fully into your creative passions?
Dev: The most radical thing I could have done in my family, I did, I went to college for Fine Arts. A mix of being so young and having to do it on my own, I went with the school that gave me more scholarships. Even then I worked three jobs to be able to get through it. Hard work is ingrained in me.
With my sculpture background, I fell in love with Print and Packaging and why I came out here to San Francisco. I appreciated the security of having a career in Graphic Design. I also learned how to work with clients and the business side of things. Even then, I never stopped painting.
A few years ago I went through a pretty hard time with my health. I dealt with six surgeries in one year and I still have to do some follow-up ones. That experience almost broke me and what got me through was my family and painting in bed while I recovered.
When I finally got back on my feet, my heart just wasn't in Graphic Design anymore. So I made a two year plan. With a toddler and a mortgage, I wanted to make sure my steps were thought out. I put myself out there as an Artist while I still worked in Design. After a year I worked part time as a Graphic Designer and stepped down from my Creative Director position. I loved it, to be creative as an Artist and as a Designer. I looked at 2018 as my year to make the jump. If my work as an Artist balances out with my salary then I would quit in the Summer of 2019. And so here we are. I also am sharing a studio with my good friend, Naomi PQ, and I feel like my creative drive is just beginning.
Anj: What do you love about painting? How do you feel when you're in a creative flow state?
Dev: Like every part of me is free. Free to express myself through the stroke of my hand. How all of it leads back to my heart. These elements I use to paint have a mind of their own and how I need to respect the process.
It centers me and reminds me that the process is just like the life we lead. I know I still have so much more to learn but while I'm painting no matter how it's going, I'll embrace this moment.
Anj: You reference your roots quite a bit in your work. Talk to me more about how your roots inspire your work.
Dev: One of my earliest memories is of my Lolo Jose teaching me how to water mango saplings. He converted to Buddhism when my mother was young, so he viewed the world with love and kindness. I didn't realize it then but watering those mango trees were life lessons. We need to take the time to nurture, practice patience, and respect all living things. I still imagine him walking beside me often, carrying his teachings as I find my way in this world.
Nature and the Sun drive my pieces. My abstract works are fragments of moments. Like the sunset I grew up with when I was seven years old in the Philippines, like how I saw the water in Cebu when I dove in as a young adult, and like when I saw the redwoods with my children for the first time.
I see earth in our skin and especially when I paint people. How our mango trees grew and blossomed because the dark earth was rich with nutrients. I imagine the Sun piercing through these women I depict. I paint their love and bravery because their resilience cannot be contained. I want to celebrate all of it.
This is the beauty of Art, I am able to paint exactly how I see it.
Anj: Motherhood and your daughters are also central themes in your work. How has motherhood changed your approach to creating artwork?
Dev: Everything. I was still deep in my Design Career and I would paint at home. One day Quinn, who was 3 years old at the time introduced me at the park to a mom. "This is my mom, she's an Artist." It struck me that my toddler knew who I was more than I knew myself. That's really when I really owned it. I am more fearless because of my girls.
I own my body, I thank people when they compliment me, and I am selective but fearless when I use my voice. I am more in tune how I speak about myself because of them. When I paint these women I want to celebrate them. I notice how I embrace myself is translated in my paintings.
Anj: What advice can you give to parents who are trying to tap into their kiddos' innate creativity?
Dev: I don't have a lot of guidelines set up. I'll say "Let's draw the biggest fish we can draw" or "how many silly lines can we make" and I let them lead me. They ask me questions, show me things, and I sit there with my coffee watching their eyes wide with excitement. Watching them in their creative process is pure joy for me. Those silly lines can turn into a dragon or waves and next thing we know, we're drawing a big beach scene. My advice would be that you can suggest something to start it off but be open to how they take it. It is such a beautiful window into their minds.
Anj: Shifting gears to HIP HOP DANCE! Talk to us about his component of your creative expression.
Dev: I loved the Hip Hop scene in DC and discovered how much fun the clubs were in college. My friends told me about this Hip Hop Crew I should try out for, I was so scared because I've never taken a dance class in my life. I got in and it was like having another family. We competed all over the East Coast, it was a blast!
I found hipline when I started my first Design Job and needed an outlet. It was exactly what I needed and one of the owners asked if I was interested to teach. I've been teaching there since 2009 and am still going strong. It's a wonderful community of women. Now we're virtual and reaching clients all over.
Anj: What does a typical [pandemic] day look like for you? How does it differ from your rhythm before COVID?
Dev: I've been practicing being kinder to myself lately. Both me and my husband work full time and so having the girls at home is a challenge. Some days we are amazed by how smooth it went and then there are others where if the girls are clean and bellies are full, it's a total win.
Now that we're on month 8 our rhythm before covid felt more chaotic to be honest. I felt like we were always rushing out the door while carrying so many bags. Now my husband and I try to have coffee together, if he has a break from his meeting, and we sit with Quinn before school to see what she has to do for the day. Rowan's preschool closed down but we were able to find a wonderful speech therapist for her and she has an Adventure Pod we go to two times a week.
The one thing we really try to do is go outside once a day. Have some magic in their childhood no matter how small. It could be just going up for a hike by our home and picking up leaves, riding our bikes, or watching the sunset from our window. Seeing how the girls' react to these adventures we have is pure magic.
Anj: When you get creatively blocked or burnt out, how do you reset? Do you have tips you can share?
Dev: I go outside. I go out for a hike or go to the beach. Even if it's 15 minutes, something about grounding yourself in Nature is really healing. I also do exercise where I doodle for two minutes because it feels doable. Judgment-free doodles, always opens the doorway to more.
Anj: I know firsthand that community-building is huge for you. Tell us more about what your support system and creative community looks like.
Dev: I feel a lot of love and strength when I think of my community. My relationship with my sister led the way what women supporting women looks like. It's listening, asking questions, remembering, cheering for all the wins, being there even if it's hard, and taking time to invest in them. The way me and my sister show up for each other is why I have these amazing women in my life. I can talk to them about my family, motherhood, and we're all trying to balance it all while sharing my most recent project. I feel really blessed especially looking back in my college years where I don't know where Art would take me.
Anj: When you need to give yourself a pep talk, what does it sound like?
Dev: I usually take a deep breath then say or think "One step forward". Most of the time, I'm scared (as shit) but the thought of not trying scares me more. That one step forward can be hard as hell and maybe even heartbreaking, but I have to try.
For more on this brilliant artist, mother and friend, follow Dev @_heyrana on Instagram and check out (and buy!) her artwork here.