Throw Out the Rulebook: How To Plan a Stress-Free Wedding

After years of watching couples burn out under the pressure of perfection, Amy wrote The Rebel Wedding Planning Guidebook as a direct response to an industry built on rigid expectations, outdated traditions, and unnecessary anxiety. Her philosophy? You don’t need to follow every rule — you just need to create a celebration that reflects who you are.

The book speaks to modern couples of all kinds, with dedicated guidance for LGBTQ+ individuals who have long been overlooked by the wedding world. Inside, you’ll find practical tools like sample budgets, detailed planning timelines, checklists, and vendor email templates — along with interactive journal prompts and exercises designed to make planning feel more like bonding and less like burnout.

Below, Amy shares some of her most helpful wedding-planning advice — along with real-life anecdotes from weddings she’s planned — to help couples stay connected and excited from “yes” to “I do.”

What parts of wedding planning can we simplify or even skip?

Amy: I think the wedding planning process makes a lot of assumptions around what a couple and especially a bride should care about. For example, there is this unwritten rule that you must go dress shopping with your sisters, mom, and friends and stand on a pedestal and try ridiculously expensive dresses on. Or, that every time you take a photo, you must flash your new bling. If that feels fun for you, go for it! But if that makes you want to climb into a cave and never come out, maybe, skip it? A general rule of thumb is to go through traditions or expectations around the process and just simply ask yourself, does this excite me or does this give me anxiety? This is a party at the end of the day. The process of get ting to the party shouldn’t be painful!

​What decisions can couples make early to avoid last-minute stress?

Amy: Hire a day-of wedding coordinator right after you book your venue. They can make vendor recommendations even if they don’t come in to do their actual job until 6 weeks out. It will give you peace of mind that you won’t have to run the wedding day-of.

I have also seen so many couples bite off way more than they can chew. Handwriting a note to every single guest is a beautiful idea. In practice? Unless your guest count is under 20, it’s a last-minute party nightmare. Give yourself permission not to go above and beyond in all the ways. Your guests are there to celebrate you and your partner – provide a great party, anything else is gravy.

What are some things that are bound to go wrong, but don't actually ruin the day?

Amy: Red wine on a wedding dress, flower girl has a tantrum at the top of the aisle, forget the marriage license in the cab, a VIP’s flight gets cancelled and they miss the rehearsal dinner, it rains for the first time on September 3rd in 10 years at your venue, and so on. Once the weekend begins, decide that “it’s all a story.” These will be the stories you tell for years and years, trust me, they actually age quite nicely.

How should the couple and family divide responsibilities so no one feels overwhelmed?

Amy: A realistic planning timeline is really crucial. If you’re planning a wedding in under 6 months, there’s a level of stress that’s unavoidable. 12-18 months is the sweet spot for planning a wedding. The book gives a sample planning timeline so that you’re dividing the work over the course of a year. Do the work you’re excited about, delegate what you’re not! Then, have one night a week where you talk about the wedding to stay on top of everything and make decisions. Then, one night a week, wedding talk is oJ the table. No one wants their wedding to become their relationship’s entire personality.

How do you stay calm, present, and actually savor the big day?

Amy: Every individual getting married can do three things to really set themselves up for success:

• Ignore…a lot. Anxiety is contagious. Never is that more ever present than when you are wedding planning. Well-meaning friends and family tend to ask, “Did you think about this? This? This?” It’s okay to not always think about it. Hire professionals and let a lot go. You don’t have to respond to all of their texts, trust me.

• Be sure you hire a day-of wedding coordinator (no, it’s not the same as your venue coordinator!) so you can truly let go and know someone competent and professional is “running” the wedding. They’ll also be your advocate day-of. It’s the best investment. It’s the whole reason I created Cheersy. Give yourself that gift of being a guest.

More Wedding Tips from Amy!

•Rethink the "Firsts." The first dance isn't for everyone. I've had couples do a "first ping pong match" or a "first video game match" instead. It’s all about creating a memorable moment that’s authentic to you.

•Make Mingling Fun. One couple I worked with created a "couple's quiz" for guests to fill out during cocktail hour. It was a fantastic icebreaker that got people from different parts of their lives talking and collaborating. The prize for the winner was a hilarious on-stage lap dance from the couple!

•Commit to a Wild Theme. Don't be afraid to go all out. I planned a "space disco cowboy love party" in a ghost town where the wedding party dressed as astronauts and the couple launched a toy rocket after their ceremony. It was unforgettable.

•Give Back with Your Favors. Instead of traditional favors that often get left behind, consider a "do-a-favor" table. At my own wedding, we had guests decorate cards for a non-profit that delivered them to kids in the hospital. It was a meaningful activity that everyone appreciated.

•Bring in the Games. Arcade games are an amazing addition or alternative to a dance floor. We've had couples bring in everything from Dance Dance Revolution and Pop-A-Shot to classic Mr and Mrs. Pac-Man, and it's always a huge hit with guests of all ages.

•Create a Concert Vibe. For one music-loving couple who got married at a venue, we set up a "merch table" instead of a favor table. The night ended with them crowd-surfing to a surprise musical guest.

•Start a Sing-Along. Your first dance can be a group activity. One of my couples led a massive sing-along to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" that was so joyful and inclusive.