A Woman's Place: Women in Food and Beverage


A Woman's Place: Women in Food and Beverage

“A Woman’s Place” is a series spotlighting the women making bold moves in male-dominated industries.

No one ever said working in food and drink is easy. Restaurant and bar jobs often involve grueling hours in a high-intensity (and often overheated) environment, always being on your feet, barely making above minimum wage, and rarely, if ever, getting so much as a break. In many instances, service industry jobs come without perks like health insurance, retirement plans, or even basic sick days. What’s more, the nature of service work means doing it all with a smile on your face, particularly in front-of-house roles where your take-home pay depends on it.

If that wasn’t hard enough, being a woman and/or marginalized person adds another level of sexism, racism, and bigotry within this mostly white male-dominated field.

Things are changing, however. The #MeToo movement has helped to shed light on the widely known back-of-the-house behavior from high-profile chefs and restaurateurs like Mario Batali, Ken Friedman, John Besh, and Mike Isabella, all the way up the chain to a massive walk-out at McDonald’s franchises across the country. And while it’s an embarrassingly late acknowledgement that women shouldn’t have to “lighten up” about predatory behavior on the job, there’s no denying that the impact is huge and opening the door for women to make career advances they might not have dreamed of even a decade ago.

The number of women-owned restaurants increased 40 percent from 2007 to 2012, according to a 2016 report from the National Restaurant Association, and issues impacting women have become a hot topic at industry conferences across the country, setting a precedent for a progressive future.

“20 years ago, you could be cursed at, you could be ‘lovingly touched’ by a superior — what I thought was completely normal behavior, I have seen it all,” says Gayle Pirie, chef-owner of San Francisco’s Foreign Cinema. “So at this point, we are very grateful where there is a movement to reach equilibrium, though it’s taking time and there’s still much to be done.”

























ASCENDING THE LINE

Imagine this scenario: You’ve fallen in love with cooking and decided to turn it into a full-time career. You go to culinary school with grand ambitions of becoming a chef, ascending the line, and eventually becoming the next Alice Waters. Except, as soon as you enter the kitchen, a bunch of dudes shove you to the pastry station. Wait, what?

Pastry is the one area in the restaurant that women dominate, whether they want to or not. Women are frequently pigeonholed in this so-called “pink dungeon” — often seen as a more “feminine” line of work — and have a harder time moving up, simply because they’re not placed in positions supporting their intended career track. Teresa Montaño, chef-owner of Otoño in Los Angeles, learned this the hard way during her first couple of years working at her second restaurant, which, despite being owned by two women, had a roughly 95 percent male staff.

“I was clearly one of the best cooks and working every station, but they kept scheduling me as a pastry plater at the back of the line,” she tells us. “Friday and Saturday night, I was ready to cook on the line, but they kept putting me in the back. I would finish all of my work and prep, then I’d go on the line, and the chefs would say, ‘What are you doing?’ So, I was a nuisance until they taught me. I knew I wanted to be on the line and had to do what I had to do to get known.”

Along the way, she had to deal with harassment, slurs, and sexism. But men and women alike in the industry ascribe to the “suck it up” mentality.


“A lot of people were scared to speak up against the chefs in place. I personally never brought it up to them and in hindsight, I don’t know why. It comes with the territory. You deal with it, and if you complain, you’re being weak or something. As a young cook, I was the bottom of the barrel, so I kept my mouth shut,” she says.


Deborah VanTrece, owner of Twisted Soul Cookhouse & Pours in Atlanta, was warned before she even entered the kitchen. “My first slap in the face was culinary school itself. There were very few women, more so very few women of color,” she tells us. “In culinary school, they let you know what's going to happen. So, it wasn’t a well-kept secret; it was the norm.”


A former flight attendant who transitioned mid-career into the restaurant industry, VanTrece was used to working alongside a staff of mostly women. Idealistic and eager to learn everything she could about cooking, she not only had to fight against being relegated to the pastry station but also butted heads with male egos.

“As I’m going up through the ranks, some [male chauvinism] you can’t help but notice. Period,” she says. “The first position I got was an executive sous chef for a major catering company in Atlanta. I was ecstatic. I thought, ‘Look at me, I got a job as a sous chef!’

"About two months in, the male executive chef cornered me and told me that if he knew how good I was, he would have never hired me. For a minute, it kind of crushed me; I thought the purpose was to be good. But that was my first real dose of reality.”


Because she had the means to leave, VanTrece managed to make a quick exit. But when she tried interviewing for other positions, she encountered a whole new set of issues.

“There were quite a few times that I knew the interest was more in me than in what my skill was,” she says. “It was real obvious in interviews: ‘[Are you] married? Let me walk you to your car.’” Eventually, she was able to find a place working among other women before opening her own restaurant, but even entrepreneurship can present its own kind of gender discrimination.

WHO'S THE BOSS?

Why work for a crappy boss when you can be your own boss? Entrepreneurship allows women to set their own rules, but even that has its own gender-bias problems. For one, women can face barriers to accessing funding — which isn’t shocking, considering that even in more lucrative industries like the start-up world, female founders received a paltry two percent of venture capital funding in 2017.

VanTrece had already heard “No” enough times that she didn’t even bother going to the bank and opened her first two concepts, Edible Art Cafe and Catering and The Catering Company by VanTrece, with her own money. Despite her entrepreneurial expertise, she still had trouble finding investors when she wanted to enter the market for a third business.

“I think it’s easier for male chefs to find investors, and being African American, it’s another notch,” she says. “I’m watching people all around me, like they’re giving away candy at the candy store. The banks say no, and that’s the reality of that. It makes it harder to find people willing to invest. It’s a very white male-dominated industry.”

Even with capital, VanTrece encountered real estate issues within the highly segregated city of Atlanta, waiting five months before the landlord would agree to let her have her space for Twisted Soul.

”I can’t imagine if I had gone into an area that was all African American, if it would have taken that long. It just wouldn’t have. Unfortunately, those who do own Black-owned restaurants are systematically segregated and we don’t get to venture out much,” she says.

“Prior to the restaurant I’m in now, I fell on what I thought was a great opportunity to open in a very much white male-dominated community of chefs, and I was the lone ranger,” she continues. “And it brought back feelings of isolation, even now, because I thought better of the city that I lived in. But the way that I was treated, the way I was excluded, was real obvious to me that I was not a part of that gang. I chose another area that I thought would promote more diversity. I wanted all people, that’s how I grew up. I wanted all people to enjoy my food.”

Once everything is up and running, there’s also the issue of management. Every female chef we interviewed says they’ve encountered some form of male subordinates not taking as well to direction.

“As I became a stronger line cook and I was walking into the supervision/management world, line cooks who were men were a lot more difficult to corral,” says Pirie of her time ascending during the early ‘90s. “A lot more attitude, problems with certain people, more so than females. You just have to be strong. You want to respect the employee and work with them, and be judicious and fair, and you just get shunned if you’re a girl. I wasn’t an effective manager, but I did have to tippy toe around male cooks. There was ego.”

When Montaño eventually worked her way up to sous chef, becoming “one of the guys” meant dealing with being treated like one. “Some of them wanted to treat me like one of the guys, because I also like women. So, they thought I’d treat women and talk about women in the same way,” she says. “Some of them knew I was in a relationship, and my girlfriend at the time would come to the restaurant and they would comment on that. It was more like they wanted to treat me like one of the guys, and of course I’m not going to say disrespectful things about my girlfriend or colleagues. Just because I like women, doesn’t mean I want to treat them like that.”

Codified roles remain an ongoing problem on both sides of the house, particularly in the front of the house, where customers routinely exploit the role of female service workers based on appearance and temperament. (The tipping system, in particular, lends to a reward/punishment system often tainted by misogynistic entitlement.) Buckle under the pressure or don’t handle it with grace? You’ll be judged more harshly for that, too.

“Honestly, I left the front-of-the-house environment because it was so frustrating to me,” says Shelby Allison, who took a sabbatical from a decade-long career in the restaurant industry to work in hospitality writing and PR before moving into a leadership position as the co-owner of Chicago’s Lost Lake and co-founder of industry conference Chicago Style.

“All of the roles felt very stratified," Allison tells us. "If you were white, if you were an immigrant, if you were old, young — the role was already planned out for you and I didn’t see a whole lot of roles that I was interested in or people like myself.

“I think in any field, you’ll find that women need to be more measured in their responses to situations. It’s very easy for people to view our reactions as being overly emotional, so learning to code switch into a meeting full of men so you’re not being ‘the over emotional one,’ that goes for any industry.”

'HAVING IT ALL' IN THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY

It’s the epic struggle plaguing women since we entered the workforce on our own terms: Where is the balance between holding down a career and raising a family? It’s a tough question for any industry, but particularly in food service, where maternity leave and health insurance are non-existent and unpredictable working hours often run much later than childcare services.

After she divorced, VanTrece became the primary caregiver of her daughter. To keep the benefits of being able to provide her with insurance, she had to let her two restaurants go and segue solely into catering. “With catering, I had more control with the time spent preparing the food; she could be with me. I hired staff that could deliver and even cooked out of my home. But it made it a lot easier for me, so it’s something that I try to tell other females coming up,” she says. “The restaurant thing, it takes over your life, and I had to let it go.”

Pirie and her husband, John Clark, managed to raise two children while running Foreign Cinema, but she has watched many of her own female cooks leave to tend to their families.

“In the past, it has driven women to leave the industry and it has driven line cooks into corporate venues where the time has left,” she says. “Part of the logic of it is, there’s only so many years to be a line cook, and when you get older, administrative or executive. You don’t have line cooks that are 60 years old — I mean, you do, but there’s a beginning, middle, and end with a culinary career. You start doing things because you’re physically able to, and as it winds down, you move onto food styling or it’s all kind of fleeting. And then there’s an arc to people’s careers. That’s all understood.”

California is a rarity in the service industry, because grassroots movements have developed to provide benefits to help with paid leave and childcare. Occasionally, some restaurants will individually create their own benefit plans and work with employees to assist individuals. But overall, the industry still has a long way to go to address the type of limitations and commitment required to raise a family.

THE SILVER LINING

Despite the infinite list of hardships caused by the gender disparity in the restaurant industry, everyone agrees that airing its dirty laundry around gender has made a huge improvement in pushing forward change.

Otoño is only three months old, but Montaño has already started hiring a staff with an even male-to-female ratio in the back-of-the-house and female-heavy front-of-the-house.

“I just think it’s the responsibility of the chef or the owner to create a safe environment for their workers and that’s where it starts,” she says. “There’s a lot of finger-pointing, but I’m really delighted to see a generation of chefs and owners taking that role very seriously and putting it at the forefront. The culture of their restaurant dictates the outcome and what people feel when they walk through the door. That’s something I’m definitely passionate about.”

Social media has also had a major impact, creating an environment for more women in the industry to connect and help each other.

“For years, I felt like it’s just me, figure it out,” says VanTrece. “It’s not to say I’ve never heard of another female chef of color or just another female chef, in general, but you didn’t hear about them as often. Now, I can hit a search on the internet and a million come up. Every day, there are five or six I’m getting a request from. I see us helping each other. I now have a group of female chefs here in Atlanta that I didn’t even know really exist, and we have a camaraderie and we look for other chefs.”

Conversations surrounding #MeToo and intersectional feminism inspired Allison to co-found Chicago Style, which focuses on thoughtful conversations within the cocktail community in hopes of creating a more inclusive industry that factors in women, people of color, queer people, and people with varied immigration status.

“With the MeToo movement, things are changing across the board,” she says. “What I can speak to for the hospitality industry, women and other marginalized people are emboldened by the consequences that poor managers are facing, so this culture as a whole is starting to change. I’m not going to take credit for that — I only have a small corner bar — but I hope that by example I can help give people the courage to not stand for that kind of treatment at work, and I hope through Chicago Style we’re able to help people in other cities not to stand through. As a whole, it feels like there's a sea change.”

(Design by San Trieu/ Brit + Co)

Sexis often considered taboo...even though it's a natural human need and desire. But — thanks in part to the entertainment industry — it's slowly becoming normalized in the many different shapes and sizes it comes. From quickies in random places to passionate lovemaking, the actors in shows like Bridgerton and Sex and the City show us the sides of sex we're remiss to talk about. And while Phoebe Dynevor is no stranger to a sex scene (literally HOW did she get through filming with Regé Jean?!), she took this "taboo" subject matter to another level in the opening scenes for her new movie Fair Play.

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

Emily (Phoebe Dynevor) is seen getting busy with her fiancé Luke (Alden Ehrenreich) at a wedding. While that's not necessarily gag-worthy, there's one determining factor that could be — she's on her period. Not only that, but there's oral sex involved that Luke happily engages in. It's a highly erotic and graphic scene that has the potential to leave viewers reeling, but Emily and Luke aren't grossed out by what they're doing. They're too caught up in bliss to think there's something wrong about being pleasured during one's period.

I'll be honest — younger me would have immediately ran for the heels at this description because...ew. I'm not personally comfortable with the oral aspect of the scene, but I'm familiar with putting down a towel during period sex. It's all about preference, and no matter where you stand on the period sex issue, it's nice to have a partner that doesn't treat you like a walking science experiment during your period.

What did Phoebe Dynevor say about filming the sex scene in "Fair Play"?

She's actually happy the scene was filmed, and thinks director Chloe Domont did an excellent job showing that sex doesn't have to be skipped the week of someone's period. She told Ellethat male directors would've questioned the necessity of it. "We as women know these things happen all the time, but why are we not seeing it on our screens," she asked.

When does the period sex scene appear in "Fair Play"?

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

Trigger warning — this sex scene appears at the very beginning of Fair Play. Talk about starting off with a bang!

What is the plot of "Fair Play?"

Fair Play centers around the work culture of a hedge fund company that begins to take a toll on a couple. In a deeper plot analysis, Ellereports that Dynevor's character Emily has a secret engagement to her coworker, but "she gets a surprise promotion, which causes issues in their relationship outside of work." It takes a deep dive into the gender norms that can begin to stifle a relationship if both people have different views of how things are supposed to fall in place in and outside of the home.

What else has Dynevor said about "Fair Play"?

Image via Sergej Radovic / Courtesy of Netflix

She pointed out that it's an excellent marker for how far society has to go in terms of respecting women. She also told Elle, "We have this idea that world is so progressive...but there's still so much progress to be made and so many things that haven't been done or still taboo." To drive this point further home, Dynevor said, "The thing that was really interesting to me is how modern feminism is clashing with traditional masculinity...Emily is really trying to make herself small to make him [Luke] feel masculine."

This is true because we're seeing the effects of attacks on reproductive and maternal health. Not only that, but there's still an expectation for how women are supposed to carry themselves whether they're mothers or not. As far as we've come, the work to fully recognize that women aren't monolithic and deserve to have our voices, time, and efforts respected is ongoing. That we shouldn't have to shrink so that men don't feel threatened or emasculated. That us asking to be appreciated and respected has nothing to do with attacking men's self esteem.

Until we get to that point, films like Fair Play will continue to exist to push the conversation forward.

When can you watch "Fair Play"?

Fair Play will premiere in theaters September 29, 2023 and will be available to stream on Netflix beginning October 13, 2023.

Watch The Trailer For "Fair Play"

www.youtube.com

FAIR PLAY | Official Trailer | Netflix

What do you think about Phoebe Dynevor's "taboo" sex scene in Fair Play?Let us know in the comments and follow the conversation on Facebook!

Lead image via Kate Green/Getty Images.

Challengers is honestly just one giant tennis match. While we watch Zendaya's Tashi, Mike Faist's Art, and Josh O'Connor's Patrick play the game in a literal sense, we also see their personal relationship spiral, ricocheting back and forth as each character plays a different role every couple of years. And the crazy Challengers ending is a culmination of this intense emotional journey because it solidifies Patrick, Tashi, and Art's relationship — both to one another, but also to tennis itself.

What did the ending of The Challengers mean?

Image via Niko Tavernise/Amazon MGM Studios

There is a lot of tension between Tashi, Art, and Patrick throughout the movie, and it all builds to the titular Challenger match. It's Art vs. Patrick, and they're playing for way more than just the title and the money (though of course, they're definitely playing for the title and the money) — this is one final chance to prove themselves to Tashi, who's sitting court-side looking very unimpressed.

Both men lose their cool during different sets, but it's in the third and final set that everything comes to a head. At the end of the match, Patrick confesses to sleeping with Tashi using a tennis ball and racket signal only Art recognizes. For a split second Art is is complete shock, and I expected him to completely lose it. And, technically, he does, but in a totally unexpected way. Rather than jump the net and punch Patrick in the face, Art channels his emotions into his tennis, and the fury he feels actually allows him break through whatever slump he's been stuck in.

Unable to have a conversation about Patrick's secret, Art and Patrick talk with their serves and returns. And because Tashi doesn't catch the signal, for the first time in the whole movie, she's cut out of the conversation.

Did Tashi love Art and Patrick?

Image via Niko Tavernise/Amazon MGM Studios

Tashi's been pulling the strings ever since she met Art and Patrick, and she's never not been in control. After Patrick sends the signal, she knows something is going on between them, she just doesn't know what — and it unnerves her. Thanks to Zendaya's expert subtlety, the twitch of her eyebrow or the particularly anxious way she grips her hands are the only things that give her away. But her confusion, and the men's anger, quickly turn to pure joy in the final moments of the movie.

Patrick and Art end up playing so intensely that they meet at the net and embrace, prompting Tashi's iconic tennis yell before she gives one of her first genuine laughs of the film and the screen cuts to black. The first time I saw the movie, I thought "What?!" but the more I think about it, the clearer the Challengers ending is.

Patrick and Art (whose relationship begins six or seven years before the movie opens) haven't spoken since the big fight surrounding Tashi's injury, and their hug proves they're just happy to be playing together again. It's what they've always loved, and their fight over Tashi almost ended it forever. Tashi's pure elation shows she's happy to watch some good tennis, especially after she failed to help Art break out of his rut.

We've only seen Tashi scream like that once before, when she admits to a perfect tennis match. While Tashi does care for Patrick and Art, the end of Challengers proves the characters' true love was never really each other — it was always the game.

What did you think of the Challengers ending? After you rewatch the movie (and then rewatch it again), check out the other Most-Anticipated Spring Movies For 2024.

Lead image via Niko Tavernise/Amazon MGM Studios

I think we can all agree that the Netflix sensation To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before has firmly cemented itself as a classic teen movie (and one of the best rom-coms) that will continue to get better the more we watch it. Needless to say, Peter Kavinsky (Noah Centineo) captured our hearts with his swagger, his symphony of “whoa”s, and that back pocket spin. But truth be told, 16-year-old Lara Jean (Lana Condor) and the Covey sisters became our #WCWs with their solidarity, healthy family dynamic, and emphases on self-love and self-confidence. That goes hand-in-hand with how proud they are about their Korean heritage and how it’s become such an integral part of their identities. That sense of confidence and deep pride emanates from their characters throughout the film and is manifested in everything they do.

Despite their high school and middle school settings and accompanying cliques, rumors, and Instagram posts, the Covey sisters are lacking in teenage angst or sisterly rivalry, quite comfortable in driving each other to school and spending the night watching reruns of The Golden Girls without lamenting about their — er, Lara Jean’s — lack of a social life.



Image via Netflix

(L-R) Janel Parrish as Margot and Anna Cathcart as Kitty in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

“I love The Golden Girls and I love hanging out with you,” Lara Jean tells 11-year-old Kitty, who canceled her own plans so her sister wouldn’t be alone. But boyfriend or not, these sisters put themselves and each other first. They are more content with loving each other and themselves than finding love — or at least needing it for validation.

Before oldest sister Margot leaves for college in Scotland, she [SPOILER ALERT!] breaks up with her longtime boyfriend Josh. She doesn't want to be tied down to a relationship and she's unwavering in her decision. This decision goes some way in dismantling the pattern that we’ve seen so many times in pop culture where the girl often gets left in the dust for greener pastures. Don’t get me wrong: Every time I watch To All The Boys I've Loved Before, my heart still hurts for Josh and I want the boy next door to have his own happy ending. But Margot’s decision to be selfish about her college experience is not cold or harsh; it’s a power move, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

And while Margot jets off for a new adventure, Kitty deliberately sends out the love letters Lara Jean wrote to all her former crushes, including Josh. She gives Lara Jean the push she needs to get out of her shell and act on her feelings, thereby jumpstarting the premise of the movie. Not only does Lara Jean start a fake relationship with Peter to throw off Josh so Margot doesn’t get upset, but she unequivocally shuts down all conversations with him. She refuses to give even the tiniest thought to any lingering feelings she may have. It’s less of an adherence to an arbitrary girl code and more of a natural decision that her love for Margot trumps any adolescent feelings she’s had for Josh.

Image via Netflix

(L-R) Anna Cathcart as Kitty, Janel Parrish as Margot, and Lana Condor as Lara Jean in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

What the movie so powerfully captures here is Covey girls’ sense of camaraderie — the proverbial “sisters before misters”— that invites viewers to understand that this story, at its core, is a celebration of sisterhood. It’s a rom-com of sisterly love (and the extents the Coveys will go for one another) more than it is of romantic love with cute teen boys.

To All The Boys I've Loved Before doesn’t use gimmicky storylines of sibling rivalry or slut-shaming (Peter is quick to shut that down) to turn this into a caricature version of high school, nor does it perpetuate Lara Jean’s seemingly invisible persona to maintain the shy vs. popular girl dichotomy. In fact, she’s stronger and bolder than Genevieve and Peter — two of the most popular people in school — combined. Lara Jean might not be very experienced, but from the beginning, she’s sure of herself, comfortable in her own skin, and does not ever feel the need to conform to a high school status quo to make a place for herself. When Genevieve makes a snarky remark about her platform boots, Lara Jean is quick to remind her they're vintage. As Peter says, she doesn’t let Gen steamroll over her.

Image via Netflix

(L-R) Lana Condor as Lara Jean, Anna Cathcart as Kitty, and Noah Centineo as Peter in To All The Boys I've Loved Before.

Lara Jean is scared of getting hurt, but she makes Peter work for her trust because she knows her worth. She’s insecure about his feelings for her, but not about whether or not she’s good enough for him. As far as she’s concerned, they’re on equal footing; she makes that quite clear when she suggests that if he’s only dated one girl, he’s not quite the expert he thinks he is. Though the fake romance is his idea, the ball has been in her court since the beginning. She’s delineated her boundaries and decided when to give him a chance and express her true feelings to him. Both scenes of her strutting through the lacrosse field to talk to Peter — when she’s good and ready, mind you, with her back ramrod straight and her head held high — are proof of how self-assured and in control she chooses to be; her popularity or lack thereof has no bearing on that.

Lara Jean’s character may have moments of peak embarrassment in this movie, but she carries herself with confidence and owns her actions, unapologetic about who she is. Much to our chagrin, this movie is fictional, but Lara Jean’s confidence is contagious and all-too-real. While there aren’t enough Peter Kavinskys in the world for all of us, To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before sets a wonderful standard of self-love and confidence that are not bound by social hierarchy. As much as we love falling in love, our love stories start with ourselves.

What's your favorite part of To All The Boys I've Loved Before? Let us know in the comments!

This post has been updated.

Lead image via Netflix

While it's always nice to see something realistic represented in our favorite TV shows, there are few things more painful than watching a TV breakup. Even when we don't actually know fictional characters IRL, it's absolutely devastating to see them break each other's hearts. (Although, it's equally as bad as never seeing your favorite prospective couple get together — I will never forgive The 100 for what they did to Clarke and Bellamy!!).

Keep reading to see some of our most heartbreaking splits — and then check outWhat Being Team Conrad Or Jeremiah Says About Your Dream TV Boyfriendto put a smile back on your face.

Image via NBC

Ross and Rachel from Friends

Friends is one of the most iconic sitcoms of all times, and Ross and Rachel is definitely one of the most devastating TV breakups. In season 3, this iconic couple decides to take a break in and in "The One with the Morning After," Ross wakes up with another woman named Chloe at the exact moment Rachel shows up at his door. Rachel finds out about the affair, and after a fight in Monica's living room, the couple calls it quits.

Regardless of how you feel about Ross claiming they "were on a break" when he slept with Chloe, seeing Rachel's reaction (and knowing the trust between them was broken) is one of the worst moments in the whole show. Just thinking about it makes my stomach bottom out!

Image via The CW/WB

Rory and Jess from Gilmore Girls

This is one of my personal most-devastating TV breakups because it seems like, out of all of Rory's boyfriends, Rory and Jess are just perfect for each other when they start dating. Not only does their love of books bring them closer together, but their personalities are so compatible. But when Jess leaves for California at the end of season 3 — without saying anything to Rory, I might add — is unacceptable! It breaks my heart, and based on the final look he gives Rory during A Year in the Life, he also regrets it BIG TIME.

Image via The CW/WB

Damon and Elena from The Vampire Diaries

This Vampire Diaries couple was truly endgame, and the will-they-won't-they of it all was one of my favorite things about the show. So when they broke up (to my horror), I was devastated.

Damon and Elena admit they're bad for each other in the season 5 episode "While You Were Sleeping" (then Damon tells her he doesn't even want to be friends. Ouch!!), but it's the season finale, "Home," that makes me extra emotional. When Damon gets stuck with Bonnie on the Other Side, he says goodbye to Elena, who's begging him not to leave but can neither see nor hear him. Say it with me: gut! wrenching!

Image via Erika Doss/Prime Video

Conrad and Belly from The Summer I Turned Pretty

The Summer I Turned Pretty fans are PASSIONATE about whether they're team Conrad or team Jeremiah (trick question, my OTP is Taylor and Stephen), and even the most dedicated Conrad stan hates the prom scene. You know, when he breaks up with Belly at her prom, in the rain. I know he just thinks Belly deserves better, but it's still very painful to watch.

Image via FOX

Schmidt and Cece from New Girl

When I hear "devastating TV breakup" I IMMEDIATELY think of Schmidt and Cece from New Girl. Schmidt gets away with a lot of ridiculous things throughout this show, but dating two girls at one time is not one of them. After Nick has a hard time keeping Schmidt's love life a secret, Schmidt finally comes clean to Cece in "Double Date," leaving both her and me in tears. No matter how many times you rewatch the show, it truly feels like their relationship (and maybe even the friend group) will never recover.

Image via BBC/Prime Video

Fleabag and The Priest on Fleabag

In the history of TV, I don't think I've ever heard anything as heartbreaking as "I love you," "It'll pass." Like, who approved that line?! The viral moment comes at the end of the Fleabag series finale, when Fleabag is sitting with The Priest at the bus stop. Over the course of the series, we not only see how much these two care about each other, but how well they know each other (like how The Priest recognizes when Fleabag zones out). To be loved is to be known, and that's what makes this devastating TV breakup even more devastating.

Image via HBO

Carrie and Aidan on Sex and the City

After so much back and forth, it's hard to accept Carrie and Aidan's final breakup on SATC. But in season 4's "Change of a Dress," Carrie realizes she's not ready for marriage and Aidan realizes he doesn't trust her after her affair with Big. The combo of broken trust and being at two different life stages makes this extra painful to watch, and I don't think any amount of rewatches (or And Just Like That binges) is going to change that.

What's YOUR most devastating TV breakup? Let us know on Facebook!

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Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris caused quite a stir at Elton John's Oscars afterparty, but for good reason! After dodging dating rumors for quite awhile, they dressed to impress and made their first public debut as a couple! Sophia even wore her best accessory — a mega-watt smile — that further confirms this blissful pair.

While some people love to know whencelebrity couples fell in love, the details about Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris' relationship have people wondering when this couple actually got together. Well, our wait is over because Sophia decided to open about what led to her romance with Ashlyn Harris and why certain rumors hold no merit!

Since we're clearly tuned in to this love story, here's everything you need to know about Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris's relationship!

Who is Sophia Bush?

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Sophia Bush has had a lengthy career as an actress, and she's most recognized for her portrayal of Brooke Davis in the hit TV series One Tree Hill. She's also appeared in Nip/Tuck, Chicago Fire, Incredibles 2, and John Tucker Must Die. When she's not showing off her acting chops, she hosts the Drama Queens podcast alongside former One Tree Hill castmates Hilarie Burton and Bethany Joy Lenz!

Who is Ashlyn Harris?

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Ashlyn Harris is a former U.S. soccer player who had a successful run — no pun intended — as a goalkeeper during the career. She also won the 2015 FIFA Women's World Cup in Canada and continued making an impressionable mark. However, she announced her retirementin 2022 and — per her Instagrampage — has gone on to become the Global Creative Advisor for Gotham FC and Adidas Football.

When did the dating rumors about Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris start?

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June 2023

Rumors about a possible connection between Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris swirled last summer when Cosmopolitanreported they were on a panel at Cannes Lion International Festival of Creativity. Sophia shared a pic of the two at the festival on Instagramand wrote, "Love you @ashlynharris24 and @sophieannkelly" towards the end of her caption.

A source told Page Six, "It’s very new...They are definitely a couple.” But, Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris didn't confirm or deny anything at that time.

When did Sophia Bush file for divorce from Grant Hughes?

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August 2023

A couple of months after Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris were seen getting cozy together, Sophia filed for divorce from her former husband Grant Hughes. Peopleshared that they were only married for a little over a year — 13 months — but didn't end on a bad terms. A source then told Entertainment Tonight, "Grant and Sophia are better off as friends and they weren’t getting enough time with each other before their breakup."

When did Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger file for divorce?

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October 2023

While things seemed to quiet down, Ashlyn Harris soon filed for divorce from Ali Krieger after getting married towards the end of 2019. What's interesting is that a source told Peoplethis decision wasn't surprising. "Although it’s new information to the public, Ashlyn and Ali’s divorce began months ago and they have been living apart since the summer,” the source said.

This is also around the time it was speculated Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris had their first official date. A rep told People, "Grant will always want the best for Sophia, and is supportive of all that makes her happy and fulfilled." We guess it helps he and Sophia had a solid friendship before getting married!

As for Ali Krieger, she basically let the world know things were business as usual with an Instagrampost. She captioned a pic of her playing soccer with, "Preparing for playoffs while in my Beyoncé lemonade era." A comment from user @lgbtlfg said, "the fact that a lot of players in these comment’s usually mind their business and stay out of drama but are supporting ali should tell everyone all they need to know."

The only thing Ashlyn said about it on Instagramis that she never intended for her and Ali's divorce to be made a public matter. A portion of her note says, "This process is never easy, but we were making our way through."

Have Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris publicly talked about their relationship?

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March 2024

Besides showing up to Elton John's Oscars afterparty together, Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris were previously tight-lipped about their relationship. The only hint Sophia offered was much more of a reflective post about 2023 on Instagramat the beginning of January. She said, "This year taught me to listen to myself and no one else. To let go of expectation that wounds and grasp possibility that frees. To not care about optics and instead invest in honesty."

But, she's since chosen to own where she is in life.

Image via Lauren Dukoff/Glamour Magazine

Sophia Bush on the cover of Glamour Magazine

April 2024

Sophia Bush has now reached a point where she's publicly ready to stand in her truth regarding her life and her relationship status so much that she penned her own cover story for Glamour. The first thing she did was open up about how she really felt about her marriage and fertility struggles.

She wrote, "But after the wedding I found myself in the depths and heartbreak of the fertility process, which was the most clarifying experience of my life. It feels like society is finally making space for brutally honest conversations about how hard and painful any fertility journey is, but I kept mine private. I was trying to get through months of endless ultrasounds, hormone shots, so many blood draws that I have scar tissue in my veins, and retrieval after retrieval, while simultaneously realizing the person I had chosen to be my partner didn’t necessarily speak the same emotional language I did.”

Image via Lauren Dukoff/Glamour Magazine

As far as her relationship with Ashlyn Harris is concerned, the star is enjoying the love that exists between them. Contrary to alleged rumors, their initial relationship was a platonic one that stemmed from a place of understanding and support.

She told Glamour,I didn’t expect to find love in this support system. I don’t know how else to say it other than: I didn’t see it until I saw it. And I think it’s very easy not to see something that’s been in front of your face for a long time when you’d never looked at it as an option and you had never been looked at as an option. What I saw was a friend with her big, happy life. And now I know she thought the same thing about me.”

She also added, "A lot of effort was made to be graceful with other people’s processing, their time and obligations, and their feelings. What felt like seconds after I started to see what was in front of me, the online rumor mill began to spit in the ugliest ways. There were blatant lies. Violent threats. There were the accusations of being a home-wrecker. The ones who said I’d left my ex because I suddenly realized I wanted to be with women—my partners have known what I’m into for as long as I have (so that’s not it, y’all, sorry!).”

Image via Lauren Dukoff/Glamour Magazine

It's safe to say that Sophia Bush is thoroughly comfortable with her love life and identity as a queer woman. She said, "I’ve experienced so much safety, respect, and love in the queer community, as an ally all of my life, that, as I came into myself, I already felt it was my home. I think I’ve always known that my sexuality exists on a spectrum. Right now I think the word that best defines it is queer. I can’t say it without smiling, actually. And that feels pretty great.”

And this is what it looks like to reclaim your narrative when so many people are looking at a brief glimpse of the lives of celebrities. We love that Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris are loving each other on their terms without feeling pressured to share anything before they were ready to. Our hope is that their love story continues to unfold beautifully.

Be sure to watch Sophia Bush's interview with Glamour's Editor-in-Chief Samantha Barry here!

Full Credits From Glamour Magazine:

Writer: Sophia Bush

Photographer: Lauren Dukoff

Stylist: Deborah Afshani

Hair: Matthew Collins

Makeup: Afton Williams

Manicure: Brittney Boyce

Have Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris made their official red carpet debut?

Image via Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images for Kimball Stroud & Associates

April 27, 2024

Per Glamour, Sophia Bush and Ashlyn made their official red carpet debut as a couple on Friday. They attended the White House Correspondent's dinner where they were dressed to impress in complementing black ensembles.

It's easy to see the glowing couple couldn't stop laughing and smiling as they posed for pictures that seemed to capture every good angle of their faces and style.

Image via Paul Morigi/Getty Images

After the dinner, Sophia Bush and Ashlyn Harris posed for more pictures on the red carpet leading to the Correspondent's after-party. Now that we're able to see their full faces, we have to talk about how well their hair and makeup complements their outfits. It's clear that Ashlyn's contour and bronzer were expertly applied to her face while Sophia's blush gave her a natural flush.

*Sigh* Their smiles are the only confirmation we need that they're enjoying the bliss of being a couple.

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This article has been updated.

Lead image via Paul Morigi/Getty Images