Remember birthdays growing up when there was only one thing that could trump a trip to the roller rink or a bout of laser tag? That thing was a bad ass piñata. Whether you’re preparing for Cinco de Mayo or a helluva hitchin’, these piñatas are the fanciest, most creative paper products we’ve seen in a long time. Almost seems like a shame to break these babies open and spill out their innards… but we’re gonna.

1. Octahedron Piñatas ($75): These multi-faceted geometric globes are suited for just about any place champagne will be popped, making them great for nuptials!

2. Gilded Burro: We give this DIY burro cinco stars. It doesn’t cost much more than cinco dollars to make either. (via Studio DIY)

3. Vintage TV ($68): Take out your Lannister family frustrations on this thing after your next Game of Thrones viewing party.

4. Piñata Letters ($18): Don’t forget to use spellcheck.

5. Sushi Piñata ($65): Sushi! With a face?!

6. Dodo Piñata ($80): Take a big swing at this big bird — before it flies away forever.

7. Wedding Vine Piñata ($284): Sunny Day Supplies is killing it with their array of posh papier-mâché breakables.

8. Jacques the Octopus ($75): OMG, we want to be best friends with this little gentleman.

9. The Beatles Yellow Submarine Piñata ($60): We can’t all live in a yellow submarine, but we can fill one with candy.

10. Chocolate Cake Slice ($90): Cut us off a slice, maybe two.

11. Heart Piñata ($70): A shiny, shimmering piñata to make your heart skip a beat. This heart, however, will not skip a beating.

12. Robot Piñata ($60): “ERROR… AM. TOO. CUTE… MY. CUTENESS. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.”

13. Hungry Caterpillar ($58): Just like the very hungry caterpillar, we’ll eat EVERYTHING inside this thing, fall into a food coma and emerge days later as a beautiful butterfly.

14. Rose Piñata: Roses are yellow, violets are blue… poems are hard. (via The Merry Pop Shop)

15. Carl From Up ($135): If you break this piñata, we’ll never invite you to our birthday party again. You heartless beast.

16. T-Rex ($18): Anyone else picturing Dr. Ian Malcom and the glass of water on the dashboard?

17. Xbox Controller: A strategy for getting those gamers off the couch! (via Piñata Mama)

18. Ombre Piñata: It’s our old friend, the ombre trend — still kicking! (via The Merry Pop Shop)

19. Big Cat ($80): Jenna Lyons may consider leopard print to be a neutral, but we’re feeling anything but neutral about this kitty cat piñata.

20. Green Parrot ($38): If this parrot could talk, we think it would say, “Take your best shot.”

21. Wall-E: First Up, now this? Etsy is owning the Pixar piñata game. (via You Say Potato)

22. Popsicle Piñata ($30): We were hungry…

23. Toadstool: Anyone wanna play Mario Kart for three days straight? (vai Aztec Imports)

24. Pink Pig ($41): This little piggy went wee, wee… WHACK!

25. Raining Love Cloud ($25): Forecast — cloudy with a chance of love showers.

26. Stork ($55): A bunch of hormonal pregnant women in one room? Use caution when giving them a baseball bat.

27. Pirate Ship ($100): This is a piñata? THIS?! Whoa.

What have you been whacking with a big stick? Let us know in the comments!