If your relationship with your S.O. is聽getting serious, you鈥檙e probably thinking about things like sharing finances and putting a ring on it. Sharing a life with someone is a big deal, and there are tons of factors to consider 鈥 but聽the biggest one is raising a child together. Trying to conceive聽or adopt with someone is a huge decision, and it鈥檚 worth thinking about ahead of time.


Certified psychoanalyst Claudia Luiz believes that the way a person聽reacts to conflict in the present can say a lot about the way they鈥檒l聽handle parenthood in the future. 鈥淧erhaps the best thing to look for in a potential partner聽is whether that person聽can listen and stay present with feelings, even if they鈥檙e challenging,鈥 she shares. 鈥淭hat level of groundedness and patience, when a person聽shows themself聽to be generally nurturing, says it all as far as their聽potential to be a strong parent.鈥

Luiz points out that people are nurturing in totally different ways and how they聽nurture聽you now is a great prediction of how they聽will nurture children. Whether through physically providing or emotionally being present, these traits won鈥檛 change with parenthood.


Yue Xu, dating expert and co-host of the Date/able podcast, has interviewed many single parents about the qualities they look for in a partner. One trick she recommends is chatting with your boo聽about their friends who already have kids while聽paying close attention to what they say and how they say it. As聽Xu聽explains,聽there are two ways that these conversations will go down: Either your S.O. will talk about their friends鈥 kids聽in terms of the full life that having children entails, or they鈥檒l describe聽those kids as a hindrance to having fun as an adult. This distinction will say a lot about the way your partner really feels about having children, with less chance that they鈥檒l just be telling you what they think you want to hear.

No matter your bae鈥檚 nurturing style or view on children, no theory can absolutely聽predict what kind of parent聽they鈥檒l be 鈥 or whether they even feel ready to raise a baby with you. When all else fails, sometimes the simplest tricks are best:聽Ask them!

What traits would you look for most in a co-parent? Let us know @BritandCo!

(Photos via Getty)