Ben Higgins had plenty to say about his split from Lauren Bushnell after calling off their wedding, revealing what he thinks led to their break-up as well as opening up about how it’s still affecting him. And now his ex is starting to share her side of the sad story, including a heartbreaking fact about Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After?

Lauren Bushnell and Ben Higgins

“I didn’t really want to do it, to be honest,” Bushnell told People about the Freeform reality show, which premiered last October, just months after the season finale of The Bachelor. The 27-year-old now reveals that she wanted to take more time away from the cameras to focus on their relationship. “I wanted to move on with our life and just have a moment that was just about us.”

However, she decided to go ahead with the show anyway (in part because it was intended to give Higgins a platform to run for the Colorado state legislature). “I was like, ‘I can still do it. There’s so much love there for one another. If I can get through The Bachelor, I can get through this no problem — at least we get to spend time together,'” she recalled to People. Alas, filming took a toll. “[It] was a really high-stress situation. I didn’t feel like I got the support that I needed when we were filming that — just from everyone.”

Beyond that, Bushnell reveals that the new show forced her to revisit issues that she would rather leave behind, such as the painful fact that during The Bachelor‘s “Fantasy Suites” episode, Higgins told both Bushnell and JoJo Fletcher that he loved them. “That was rehashed again,” Bushnell said, adding, “I felt like we were stuck in this place that happened seven months ago that I was trying to move forward from. There were certain situations I didn’t want to continue talking about. I understand people want to know these answers, but at the same time I really wanted to make this relationship work.”

It sounds like Bushnell fully realizes that this might have been an IRL happily-ever-after if they’d focused more on their relationship and less on the cameras.

Do you think Lauren Bushnell and Ben Higgins might still be together if they hadn’t done Ben and Lauren: Happily Ever After? Let us know @BritandCo!

(h/t People; photo via Isaac Brekken/Getty)