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What is influencing?

If you hang out anywhere on the internet, especially on social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok, you are no stranger to influencing. By definition, to influence is to do just that – “have an influence on,” but the word has taken on a whole new meaning in the modern age. It’s essentially a new marketing technique that employs social media creators to promote certain products and services.

We’ve all seen the classic examples of internet influencing on our daily scrolls. It’s a cute gal showing you her favorite beauty products through a nicely cut video, or tapping a quick outfit check story. It’s perfectly polished ‘get ready with me’ vlogs and ‘dupe’ videos. These appealing posts are typically marked with a “paid promotion” disclaimer alongside the content. The content of the posts or the person showing them off just makes you want to buy something – and boom, you’re influenced!

@ashlynnrudzinski don’t mind the bone in the back lol #fashiontiktok♬ original sound - Tik Toker

Though internet influencing can benefit not only the companies employing the strategy, but also the influencers themselves, more and more consumers are catching on to the idea that it’s not really a great model for promotion and consumption.

Influencing has become overdone – it fuels overconsumption and shopping addictions, makes the consumer feel empty and left out by determining trends, and oftentimes encourages unsustainable practices in a time where we should be interested in the opposite.

The Case for De-Influencing

For me, the term ‘de-influencing’ started popping up on the same platform that its counterpart did: TikTok. I normally get a lot of consumer-forward content on my For You Page, whether it’s makeup, gym outfit recommendations, or new food products that I need to know about. Whether the person on my screen is a paid influencer or not, the app and community surrounding it makes me feel like I need whatever they’re putting on display. So yes, influencing does work.

De-influencing aims to combat that insatiable need and craving for material things that are typically encouraged by internet influencers and trends. Users are coming out and realizing that you don't need twelve mascaras, you don't need fifteen different colors of the same tank top. Essentially, de-influencing is the rejection of influencer culture, which consumers have just had enough of. It feels like an extremely brave declaration, especially in our American society that constantly promotes wanting more.

@ramenasaidwow#stitch with @eliseeatsplants #makeup#skincare♬ original sound - Ramena

What is de-influencing? 

All of this is not to say that buying things that make you happy is bad. It’s okay to want certain things when they’ll bring you happiness in a time when you feel down. One small purchase here and there for the sake of your own sanity is a habit I know very well, and it's okay to feel tired, depressed and on the hunt for more in our society. One of the main motivations behind de-influencing is getting you, the consumer, to rethink your consumption habits, and reject the desire to be ‘on trend.’

Will the latest and greatest really make you feel more valued in society? Rock what you really think is cool. Rock a sustainable, small brand. Repurpose and donate your clothing. Some things you just don't need to enhance your life, though it feels like every force is working against you, especially internet influencers. There is beauty in appreciating what you already have, instead of endlessly searching for something that likely won’t fulfill you.

@basicofcourse people that are against fun little drunk purchasing are misogynists I won’t be elaborating #excessconsumption#deinfluencing#intentionalshopping#intentionalliving#funlittledrink#sustainability♬ original sound - allison

The Impact of Influencers and Consumer Culture

Trends make consumers feel left out, or obligated to participate.

TikTok is a vast breeding ground for the newest trends in beauty and fashion – this realm is where I see the most influence pushed. Though trends can be fun, the internet seems to have a new trend every other day, and keeping up with them is unrealistic. When consumers look toward creators with large internet followings for trends, especially creators who actively promote and influence trends, the idea that they need certain things to stay in the loop gets deeply rooted.

Take last year’s Ugg Mini surge for example. The low-rise boot was pretty much everywhere I went (and scrolled). It was all the rage, and cozy outfits didn't seem complete without them. “This is your sign to get the Ugg Minis,” one creator preached. “You need these boots in your life,” another said. And this went on and on. It felt like everyone had the shoes, and I definitely contemplated grabbing myself a pair, cycling between adding them to my cart and taking them out a few days later. They’re expensive, I told myself, but I would be dressing like that one cool influencer. It sounds shallow, but it was hard not to feel like I was part of a trend – something bigger than myself – and I know others that feel the same way.

@sadgrlswag De-influencing you, no more over consumption or else 💣💥! 😡😤 #GenshinImpact34♬ original sound - Estef

@overcoming_overspending What else am I missing? Things that social media convinced us are normal but aren’t. #overconsumption#impulsebuying#implusebuyer#deinfluencing#spendingproblems#creditcarddebt#overspendingmoney#overspender#influencedbytiktok#influenced♬ original sound - Paige | Spending Coach

Influencer culture promotes unrealistic expectations for consumption.

The urge to be part of trends encourages overconsumption and shopping addictions. When we’re getting bombarded with marketing messages every day via influencers, we want something different and new every day.

TikTok’s search bar as well as Instagram’s shopping tab make it so easy to fall into a rabbit hole of capitalistic consumption: a plethora of cool-looking internet personalities promoting countless clothing items and life hack tools, makeup hauls, and it definitely goes on. After a while, staying on-trend becomes financially unrealistic. When all we see influencers post are insane PR hauls and new products every day, we want what they have, but we forget that they’re just like us – they have bills to pay, and lives to live. Like I say all the time, social media is a highlight reel. Plus, this is the influencer’s job, to post and influence you.

This element of need that’s embedded in influencer culture is quite contradictory to our generation’s pleads for sustainable practices. While we face a real climate crisis that’s fueled by production and shipping, it seems like the right thing to do to change our consumption habits to be more sustainable – but a lot of younger consumers don't really know how to practice what they preach. It’s easy to get sucked into the internet and do what it tells them to. It’s hard to not want what makes others look cool.

Big influencers often recommend fast-fashion giants like Shein to their audiences, without either stakeholder realizing the impacts of the industry. Fast fashion production contributes about 8-10% of the world’s carbon emissions, and 20% of global industrial water pollution. Not only does production itself impact the environment, but shipping goods also contributes to global carbon emissions, about 3%. Though companies are setting measurable goals to improve waste and emissions by 2050, it’s not just on them to change their habits. You can change your consumption habits at an individual level:

How To Be a More Conscious Consumer

• Think critically about your need for the item(s).
• Evaluate if the internet is just trying to sell you something.
• Research the company that’s selling the product for their mission on sustainability and practices.
• Evaluate your need for the item(s).
  • Do you already have something that serves the same purpose?
  • Could you see yourself using it every day?
  • Is it worth what you’d be paying for it?
• Try waiting a day or two before buying in order to reconsider the purchase. If it's still on your mind, then think about if it fills a necessity.

Women in Finance with Andrea Radulescu

You don't want to take money advice from just anyone. It's extremely important that they have the right credibility to back up what they're saying. The Women in Finance podcast is led by female professionals in the finance industry who know exactly what they're talking about. They share advice and insights from their career that help you feel more confident in your finances.

Her Money with Jean Chatzky

Hilarious, heartfelt and deeply interesting, this cool women-focused financial podcast should definitely be on your commuting playlist. Tackling everything from investing to retirement funds, it's a practical guide that isn't a struggle to listen to.

So Money with Farnoosh Torabi

Named a Best Podcast by The New York Times, So Money with Farnoosh Torabi provides listeners with candid conversations about money. Torabi covers everything from budgeting and saving to how to invest and retire. She is an award-winning financial strategist, allowing listeners to feel confident in knowing that they are getting sound advice.

Brown Ambition with Mandi and Tiffany

Far too often women of color are left out of the all-too-important conversation around personal finance. Mandi and Tiffany, the hosts of Brown Ambition, have created a space at the table to have these conversations and provide meaningful advice on topics like budgeting, investing, and career development. Their suggestions never feel judgmental, which is something that some money podcasts veer into, allowing listeners to feel supported.

Afford Anything with Paula Pant

If your money goals include complete financial independence, Afford Anything is the podcast for you. It is centered around the idea that, yes, you can afford anything, but you can't afford everything. The host, Paula Pant, interviews people who have had success with their money and points out what you can learn and implement into your own life.

Women & Money

Hosted by financial advisor, Suze Orman, Women & Money features engaging and informational interviews with successful women. I love this podcast because it really does have a "no gatekeeping" policy, as powerful women come on and are more than happy to share their tips and strategies on all things money management and investment.

Clever Girls Know!

Created by Clever Girl Finance, a leading personal finance platform, this podcast is designed to help women learn about their finances and build wealth independently. Hosts Bola Sokunbi and Kara Perez are extremely knowledgable and touch upon a number of important subjects, including budgeting and investing. The best part is the podcast feels fast-paced, engaging, and fun which allows for you to learn while enjoying yourself.

Money Girl

Savings and spreadsheets aren't really the most exhilarating subjects, which is why this to-the-point podcast is perfect for a daily dose of financial wisdom. The host, Laura, Adams, takes listeners through credit, taxes, retirement,and insurance to help us all make better and smarter decisions!

The Fairer Cents 

If the pay gap is something that makes your blood boil (as it should), you'll want to listen to Fairer Cents. The podcast dives into actionable ways to challenge the status quo and get ahead when it comes to money in a male-dominated world.

Yo Quiero Dinero with Janesse Torrez-Rodriguez

Like the title suggests, don't we all want to make money? This podcast is hosted by Jannese Torres who walks listeners through her journey of being fired and turning it into financial freedom. Her story and the advice she provides are inspirational and will have you feeling confident you can take your dinero to the next level.

Financial Feminist 

If you're looking to fully take control of your finances and work to achieve your goals and beyond, it's time to give Financial Feminist a listen. The show covers topics like budgeting, investing, and saving in a way that feels both relatable and empowering.

Side Hustle Pro with Nacaila Matthews Okome

For those looking to pick up something on the side to make some extra cash, Side Hustle Pro walks you through just how to do it. The host, Nicaila Matthews Okome, interviews successful Black women entrepreneurs who have been able to take their side hustles to profitable businesses that support them and their families.

The Money Nerds With Whitney Hansen

The Money Nerds provides relatable stories that make you feel a little less alone in your financial woes. The podcast covers things like debt, savings, and how to just stress less about whats in your pocket.

The Financial Confessions

For some reason, there can be a lot of shame surrounding financial journeys and the inevitable struggles that come along the way. The Financial Confessions podcast works to destigmatize money conversations and talks about everything involving earning, spending, and losing money. It is hosted by the CEO of The Financial Diet, Chelsea Fagan, so you know you're getting quality advice.

The Perfect Relationship Is A Myth

One thing I've learned is that wanting a healthy relationship doesn't mean nothing stressful will ever happen. King said, "No relationship is immune to rough patches. They are a part of the natural ebb and flow of being in a partnership." According to her, what matters is how couples respond to these moments because they can "significantly impact the relationship's longevity and quality."

This doesn't mean you have to subscribe to being in something toxic in order to prove you and your partner are resilient. It's just a reminder that there's no such thing as perfection and you shouldn't feel like a failure if you're struggling in your relationship. Here's a few tips she has for couples in various stages of their relationships.

Advice For Couples Dating Less Than A Year

When you first enter a relationship, everything feels new and exciting. It's like you and your S.O. can do no wrong in each other's eyes. Basically, you're like the walking heart-eyes emoji at first and that's okay! That's a period of time that deserves to be celebrated, but what happens when you have your first real argument?

Sometimes you can feel yourself recoiling from your S.O. you may find it hard to believe they're capable of because there's doing or saying something you find offensive. Maybe it was you who offended your partner in some way. Regardless of how the argument started, King said to remember to keep communicating. "It's important to learn about each other's likes, dislikes, and boundaries early on," she said. Also, she encourages you to get comfortable with having "difficult conversations as they can strengthen your understanding of each other."

Advice For Engaged Couples

Getting engaged is a beautiful moment for couples who've decided to take their relationship to the next level. At the same time, King said, "This period can bring up issues around commitment, future plans, and families of origin." To help navigate any recurring disagreements, King suggests you and your S.O. consider pre-marital counseling to help address them. More than anything, she wants you to "...keep nurturing your relationship amid wedding planning by spending quality time together."

Tapper shared that this is one of the ways she and her S.O. Thomas, the CEO of Pets Portrait, stay on track. They matched on Hinge in 2022 and made the decision to have an in-person date despite being 800 miles apart. Tapper told Daily Mail, "The distance between the UK and Sweden, coupled with my demanding career, made me question whether to continue our conversations." However, she trusted her intuition and the couple are now happily married.

The key to maintaining their healthy relationship has a lot to do with communicating openly and honestly. She told us, "Every Sunday, we hold a one-hour session without distractions...where we expression our appreciation for each other, reflecting on the past week and writing everything down." This essentially serves as a relationship check-in that helps them assess how they feel about their relationship.

"This ritual creates a safe space for loving feedback, encouraging positive change, and avoiding passive-aggressive behavior which can be detrimental to any relationship," said Tapper.

Advice For Newlyweds

Now that you've said, "I do" and are in the beginning stages of your marriage, you should understand that it's normal for the newness of being married to dissipate eventually. When this happens, King said, "It's essential to maintain open communication, practice patience, and understand that adjusting to married life takes time." It's normal for you to encounter learning curves because you're entering a new chapter in your lives. Just remember to take time to appreciate each other as you're both learning and growing.

Tapper agrees with this and said, "An essential aspect of navigating relationship challenges is both partners' willingness to work on the relationship. This commitment involves having open discussion about the future, setting shared goals, and tracking progress together."

Advice For First-Time Parents

After you and your S.O. have welcomed your adorable baby, the oxytocin was probably flowing and you may not have expected for things to become stressful. But, it's possible that maternal mental health issues can arise on top of you dealing with sleep deprivation. To make matters more frustrating, you may have realized that your supportive village isn't as big as you expected.

As hard as it may seem, King said this isn't the time for you and your S.O. to pull away from each other. She said, "Make sure both partners are involved in childcare, communicate openly about your fears and concerns, and try to set aside regular couple time." I know — how can you possibly think about prioritizing your S.O. when you're tending to a newborn or infant?

It's easier said than done, but creating time for each other helps you remember that you're on the same page and aren't each other's enemy. However, I know this can be hard when becoming a parent triggers any past trauma you and your S.O. may have. Tapper said to "work on healing these aspects of oneself to avoid projecting unresolved issues onto one's partner."

Advice For Navigating Financial Hardships

Money is another issue that can cause couples to experience a rough patch in their relationships. Although you may think it's not something that should be argued about, it doesn't mean you'll always see eye-to-eye with your partner about it. This is especially true if you and your S.O. have different financial habits. For example, you may be a saver while your partner is a spender or vice versa. This can cause different arguments if either of you are trying to adhere to a budget, but it seems like money continues to fall through the cracks.

King said, "Money issues can cause significant strain. It's important to have open, honest discussions about finances, create a realistic budget together, and seek financial advice if needed."

Advice For Navigating Health Scares

Disagreements aren't the only rough patch a relationship can encounter. Although no one wants to think about it, health scares can also impact couples. I saw firsthand how the deterioration of my dad's former girlfriend's health took a toll on him. He became her caregiver and stayed by her side until she passed away, and it was difficult to watch him realize the severity of her medical diagnoses.

King said, "Serious health issues can cause emotional distress and role changes. Be there for each other emotionally, attend medical appointments together, and consider seeking support from a counselor or support groups."