Social media can make it feel like everyone is getting promoted, sharing their聽engagement announcement on Instagram, having babies聽or taking the trip of a lifetime聽鈥 and it can be really hard to avoid feeling pangs of jealousy when you spot your BFF donning a new diamond ring or sunning herself聽on the beach. In fact, a recent poll by Wishbone, a social polling app for female millennials, showed that 58 percent of young women admitted to having been jealous of their best friend. Not wanting to be among them, we turned to psychologist, author and speaker Paul Coleman. Read on for his expert advice, which will help you聽figure out where that awful envy stems from and how to turn it into love and support for your friends instead.


1. Get to the heart of it. Paul says, 鈥淵our jealousy can reveal an underlying personal issue or faulty belief, which typically falls into one of two main categories: your sense of personal worth or your sense of personal control. If you react to a friend鈥檚 success by thinking 鈥業t鈥檚 not fair!,鈥 that reflects your sense of diminished control over your life.鈥

Be more productive with your emotions by accepting that life truly聽ISN鈥橳聽always fair 鈥 and work hard to gain more influence over your own life. If you鈥檙e not sure where to start, remind yourself of what you鈥檝e already accomplished and set specific goals in areas where you want to improve. The power is yours.

2. Choose gratitude. Everyone has things that they鈥檙e grateful for and would hate to lose. Think about these instead of fixating on what your friend has and what you don鈥檛. Appreciating the great things about your life will totally give you perspective and can make a huge difference in how you feel.


3. Think about how you鈥檇 feel. Flip it and reverse it! Paul suggests, 鈥淧ut yourself in your friend鈥檚 shoes. How would you like others to react to your success?鈥 Use your answer to give your friend the same love, praise and kudos that you鈥檇 want for yourself. And never forget that things come full circle. It won鈥檛 be long until your friends will be celebrating something exciting that鈥檚 happening with you.

4. Become a cheerleader. Transform your feelings of jealousy into vocal support! Talk up your friend鈥檚 success to others and become a super promoter of goodwill. Paul says, 鈥淚t鈥檚 proven that the more you think and speak positively about something, the more likely you are to actually FEEL more positive.鈥 So while there鈥檚 a tad bit of self-interest involved, your friend is sure to appreciate having you in her support squad.


5. Be inspired! Use your friend鈥檚 exciting milestones as inspiration to go after your own. 鈥淔ind one way that your friend鈥檚 success can motivate you to work on some personal goal or to do something positive for yourself or others,鈥 says Paul. 鈥淭hen thank your friend for inspiring you to make a meaningful step forward in your own life.鈥 If your friend has something you want that鈥檚 completely unattainable for you, find something you CAN do and聽channel your energy toward it.

6. Focus on yourself. Like the popular 鈥Wear Sunscreen鈥澛燾ommencement speech wisely reminds us, 鈥渢he race is long and in the end, it鈥檚 only with yourself.鈥 Paul agrees and emphasizes, 鈥淜now that comparing yourself to others as a way to define your worth will NEVER work. There will always be someone richer, brighter, more attractive, more talented and luckier than you.鈥 So turn your attention to yourself and work hard to be the best person you can be. It鈥檚 more than enough.

Have you been jealous of a gal pal or BFF? How did you handle it? Talk to us about it on Twitter @BritandCo!

(Photos via Getty)