How to Shut Down Mom Guilt (Esp. Now) According to Mom of Four Daphne Oz
Seventy five percent of moms work in the U.S. and now we all have a second job, schooling our kids while juggling work and cooking and cleaning after everyone all. day. long. Of course, dads help too but let's face it moms do most (nearly twice) of the housework and childcare than fathers do today. Mom life was hard before COVID-19 hit and now it's nearly impossible to not only have it all but do it all too.
D A P H N E O Z on Instagram: “whole lotta this ❤️”
In this week's Teach Me Something New podcast, Brit and Anj chat up Daphne Oz, best-selling cookbook author, co-host of the podcast Mom Brain with Hilaria Baldwin, and host of the Dish on the Dr. Oz show (yep, her dad) and mom of four (all under 7!). They talk about all the things: parenting, sex, makeup and mom guilt. Oz had some great advice on the latter that we're taking with us as we tackle another week of SIP.
Put a positive spin on mom guilt: "I think every single mom feels like she's not doing enough, feels like she is falling short in some way," says Oz. That's because "you want to do such a good job and because you care so much about your kids. You give 110 percent and … it's this bottomless pit that you can pour everything into." Thinking about the guilt from that point of view helped Oz realize that you're not selfish or a bad person if you need to take care of yourself. "A hot coffee every once in a while, I would like it to be hot," jokes Oz. "Just little moments to give your brain that chance to recalibrate and for you to feel like yourself."
Meditate, even in the moment: "I do think that there is also a grand sense that everybody else has figured something out that you haven't, and I contemplate and meditate on this frequently, not actual meditation, everything's very loud in my life at all times," says Oz. Instead, she says to "appreciate or recognize the things that you have figured out, that you have mastered, that you do better than any other parent could possibly do for your kids."
D A P H N E O Z on Instagram: “put makeup on for fun today 😜 really the first time in two weeks, and honestly it kinda changed my mood to feel that bit of my routine. I…”
Do what makes you happy, and kids will follow your lead. "I've all but gotten rid of mom guilt because at some point I realized that if I'd chosen to do something that was taking me away from my family, it was because at some level it gave me a lot of happiness and that I was allowed to choose that happiness and it actually made my time with them that much more powerful, happy, and positive for them in the long run," says Oz.
That can mean reminding yourself what you loved to do before kids. "The priority lists have completely changed, but I'm still the same person in many regards and I'm allowed to maintain some of those passions and some of those exploits and interests, and I think that that makes me a more interesting person and makes me a much happier person." And a happy mom means happy kids.
Shift how you talk to kids about leaving them. Anytime mom leaves the house kids get upset, especially younger ones who depend on us so much. "Why do you have to go?" is the question all moms dread. Oz changed up the answer from "Because I have to." to "Because I get to." "I get to go do this cool thing and I can't wait to learn about it and I want to come home and share it with you," she says. "And it makes it clear that what I'm choosing to leave them to do is actually a great thing."
Be OK saying no to nonessential things. "I've become extremely efficient and strict with myself about saying no to things that are not essential and saying no to things that maybe before I would have had time to do and I just don't anymore," says Oz. "But the things that I keep on my calendar I feel very privileged to get to do and I let myself feel that privilege and feel happy about it."
Feeling the mom guilt these days? Hear more from Oz about relationships and finding time for YOU (including her popular makeup tutorials!) in the latest Teach Me Something New podcast.
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Theresa Gonzalez is a content creator based in San Francisco and the author of Sunday Sews. She's a lover of all things design and spends most of her days momming her little one Matilda.